Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m so sorry to hear his condtion was confirmed to be Alzheimer’s . It’s something that certainly is in the back of all of our minds when the uncertainty of an MCI diagnosis is given.

It certainly sounds like you have given careful thought to your situation and options & have with the help of your therapist arrived at a plan you can move forward with.

When I was looking for a support group for MCI, it seemed they were few & far between. It seems there are more Alzheimer’s support groups around. I would definitely encourage you to check out your options. I can emphasize enough how helpful the responses from the people on this site have been to me. I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life just being able to have a discourse with people in situations similar to mine. It’s so hard when you feel you have no one but your therapist to talk to. Getting feedback from others has been tremendously helpful. I’m so appreciative of everyone who has taken the time to write. Another thing that has been helpful for me is journaling. I sometimes share what I have written with my therapist. That too sometimes helps to seek clarity.

I still have unresolved issues I’m working on. We’ve been married for 52 years but not all has been bliss so I’m finding there are unresolved issues that also act as blocks for me & what I feel willing to do. It’s complicated. I’m so thankful for my counselor.

Thanks again for writing. I’m sorry it was confirmed that it’s AD you are dealing with. I would encourage you to contact the Alzheimer’s Association. I understand they have a lot of resources available. I wish you the best as you move forward.

Thank you for this suggestion. It's a good one. I managed to talk to my husband last night, told him he could no longer drive, and he took it surprisingly well. I feel so fortunate that my husband isn't prone to anger or insults. He's really quite affable, considering. We had an awful time getting my dad to stop driving. In the end, his license was taken away by the court after complaints were lodged against him. He loved driving almost more than anything and parked his beloved car in the parking lot across from the assisted living facility where he was living so he could look at it out the window.

To follow up: Yesterday things did not go so smoothly. My husband was surprised when I told him his car was gone and he could no longer drive, just what I'd told him the previous evening. He blew up, wanted to know what Alzheimer's had to do with driving, threatened to move out, and sulked for the rest of the day. By evening he was back to more-or-less normal, but I never know which way things are going to go now. I thought everything was stable and now I see it's not. It's like being in quicksand, slowly sinking. I need to make some decisions that he won't want to go along with. He doesn't want to spend money on anything, so our backyard is totally out of control, parts of our house need repair, I need to replace my 21 yr. old car, and only recently he accepted a basic flip phone because I wanted him to have it for safety reasons. He wouldn't allow a smart phone, nor would he be able to use one. He can barely use the flip phone. Living in close quarters with someone with dementia is like being in a cage with a tiger. Most of the time it's sweet and sleepy, but when it is agitated, look out.

I was just wondering about one of the drugs that as I understood, kept people from wanting to drink. I forget the name but thought it was given as a monthly injection. Has she seen a cognitive neurologist or
had neuropsychological testing?

Thanks. Ahe pours her own drinks most of the time. If I suggest she slow down or that she’s had too much, I’m told she doesn’t care. And she can get very belligerent and threatening. If I tried to take it away, she would drive herself to get more. I guess I’m just venting. I’m not looking for a fix.

One close relative with a sharp mind is an alcoholic. She moved further away to keep some behaviors secret. Her heavy drinking increased after caregiving for her spouse until his death from COPD. Out of kindness people look the other way and/or pick up the pieces. I wish family and friends would have intervened years ago as it is painful to watch the inevitable decline. Even her doctors look the other way. With dementia the mood swings can come out of nowhere. I imagine you are dealing with a double whammy.

I just googled "spouse with cognitive decline" and found this site. I relate to so much I'm reading! My husband has various serious health issues that have been ongoing for approximately 5 years and, after noticing several changes in him, I talked to our doctor. She referred us pronto to a memory care doctor who diagnosed mild cognitive decline. He is normally stubborn and can be difficult, this makes it worse. 🙁 I get so very frustrated with him. At the moment, he is insisting on doing our taxes - which I made clear I don't think it's a good idea and want to get a tax accountant. He won't hear of it - he wants to prove to himself he can still do it. He has been hospitalized twice in the last 6 months so physically he is still not his best - which exacerbates his mental health. I'm tired of the arguments, the nastiness, the wanting his own way (at my expense!). How does one cope with this daily?