Georgette12, don't take from my post about the inch worm rule that I start out with distrusting people. I have a basic trust in people with the exception of those I pick up on right away as not being trustworthy. I will sometimes use the inch worm rule with them, and other times I will just stay away from those I think are not trustworthy. I understand that those empathic feelings I have are filtered through my own experiences and may be my own issue and not reflective of who that person is.
In the past I was too trusting and I had few boundaries, which meant I laid my heart and life out to everyone and was not able to discriminate between those who would respect and be kind to me, and those who might take advantage of my nievete'. I would often be hurt by untrustworthy people. I learned through therapy and years of personal work that I have boundaries that are real and necessary for me to live a productive and happy life. I learned to use the inch worm rule when my intuition told me that I needed to be cautious until i knew a particular individual better. This worked very well, especially in business situations. (I have worked all of my life, retiring in 2016.)
My life has been filled with situations where I could not trust the adults in my life, and had to rely on myself to keep me safe. Since I was a very young child, I didn't always make the right decision about safety. I also learned that at times the best way for me to get support was to open up to everyone, looking for the person who would love me. That is where my insecurity and my hyper-vigilance were in conflict and confusing for me. I first sought help with counseling when I was 24 years old. I grew up with my parents separating when I was 18 months old, after my father pulled both my arms out of my shoulder sockets sending me to the emergency room. My mother was pregnant with my sister at the time and she was very sick. She decided to send me to live with my aunt. I lived with my aunt until I was 4 years old. Then I came back to my mother, and I was totally confused about which woman was my mom at that point. By the time I was 5, my mother realized she could not take care of my 2 older brothers, my sister and me. She sent my brothers to live with our father in Denver, and my sister and I were sent to an orphanage in Missouri, where my mother lived. We were there until I was 12 years old. My grandmother bought a house so my mom, sister, and I could live with her. That lasted 2 years, and then my mother couldn't stand living with her mother. So, she took my sister with her and left me to tell my grandmother that she had gone to Denver. I ended up living with my mother in Denver after she had remarried my father, when I was 16. I was pregnant and married by the time I was 19. I needed to create my own stability. I had been in counseling for 3 years when realized my marriage was a mess and my husband was an alcoholic. My first husband and I were married for 9 years.
That's a snapshot of my history, which in detail is disturbing, but that would be just too much for this forum. Suffice to say mistrust and confusion were a big part of my psyche. I really needed counseling and I was aware enough to ask for help when I was 24 years old. My life steadily improved since then. I only realized about 4 years ago that I was depressed for most of my life, and again I asked for help. I am taking Citalopram now and it has had a tremendous affect on my happiness. Life is good now; I am fulfilled; I love my second husband of 34 years. I am very grateful for what I have learned and the opportunities I have had to choose to be successful in my life.
Jjwest, my apologies, i didn't notice that you already said you have peripheral neuropathy in your post. I reread it this morning and said to myself, "Duh." I hope you find some relief. I know my nerve pain is the worst at night. Some nights I wanted to cry or worse yet I wanted to scream, out of pain and frustration that I could do nothing about it. The Gabapentin is helping the night pain, but I am beginning to suffer side effects that may mean I have to stop taking it. I don't know where the doctor will go next. I know I need major surgery to correct my L4, which has slipped out of alignment 7.3 mm. However, they want to put off the surgery until my other simpler surgery on my L5-S1 has completely healed. I am starting physical therapy next week and that should help. Then they will use steroid shots, which I'm not looking forward to, but are much less painful than major surgery will be. My brother had the surgery and he said the pain he had is gone, although his surgeon said he would still have pain, he was just helping him be able to walk. I'm not at that point yet, thankfully. I feel for you and hope you get some relief. Is surgery an option for you?
I will keep you posted on my progression. They are reluctant to do the surgery ri5right now. They want to make sure my other side's surgery has healed completely first. I will be getting steroid shots after my PT sessions are done in 8 weeks.
Itoo was leary of back surgery due to bad stories from my oldest brother. But his surgeries were year2ago, and he recently had a surgery that helped and was successful. My other brother's surgery went great and it was to keep him out of a wheelchair. He's doing great now.
@johnjames Thanks for your post about your fox hole. It doesn't sound silly at all! A safe place is anywhere that we feel safe (or safer) during a crisis. Thanks for that great insight in finding a safe place even during a war. As I think about it, I realize that we all have our “war-like struggles” and to find that "safe place" is very important. Just a message to the rest of our group, @georgette12@safetyshield@jimhd @rspaulding @lesbatts@overwhelmed@ihatediabetes@johnhans, please share with the group, if you like, where your "safe place" is. Thanks to you all for your wonderful kindness and support to each other. As I've said before, you all really bless me! Teresa
Jjwest, i had a similar experience in a car accident. I was out of consciousness and i had a near death experience that left me a changed person. I have no fear of death now and I experienced that total love and acceptance. .
Oh, just want to say something and then i will sign off. I gave my phone number to theresa and colleen. So i now can be contacted.
But i need to say one more time that i feel much safer than i did last week. To have our online community care so much and wonder if i was okay was not expected and it has so overwhelmed me with gratitude. I will definitely not do stupid things without checking in with you guys first! Blessings
I didn't mean to say I wasn't going to stay in the group. I just meant it was time to go to bed, and had to get off the computer. Sorry for the miscommunication.
Oh, just want to say something and then i will sign off. I gave my phone number to theresa and colleen. So i now can be contacted.
But i need to say one more time that i feel much safer than i did last week. To have our online community care so much and wonder if i was okay was not expected and it has so overwhelmed me with gratitude. I will definitely not do stupid things without checking in with you guys first! Blessings
@jimhd Thanks for explaining that Jim. I'm sure you will hear a collective "sigh of relief" from everyone in the group! We value your sharing with us. Teresa
Oh, just want to say something and then i will sign off. I gave my phone number to theresa and colleen. So i now can be contacted.
But i need to say one more time that i feel much safer than i did last week. To have our online community care so much and wonder if i was okay was not expected and it has so overwhelmed me with gratitude. I will definitely not do stupid things without checking in with you guys first! Blessings
I was wondering if we can have any ground rules for this group that go beyond the Mayo connect ground rules. For example can we agree to not attempt or commit suicide while we are engaging people on mayo connect? Can we agree to not self harm like cutting or burning or hurting anybody else while we are talking to people on connect? It's going to be impossible for me to be in mental health group if I'm going to have to worry about people killing themselves while I'm learning about them on connect. Learning about people makes me emotionally attached and it's not going to be easy for me to just forget about it if somebody goes and commits suicide or even threatens it or jokes about it. In my opinion we lay people can't substitute for professional mental health care. I already said that I have a psychologist that I see every week. I already said I have dissociative disorder. There's just really good reasons why I can't take ups and downs of worrying about people hurting or killing themselves day by day. I am not a mental health professional. I never made a living in mental health. I'm just a sheep. So if we can't make this agreement can somebody take me out of this group? I originally signed up for endocrinology. I don't remember how I got in mental health. But I do know if somebody tags you that you get an email. If you click on the email link you're transported back to the discussion. I don't control the emails I get or don't know how to control them. Thanks.
Hello,Kmhd and rspalding..... I too have peripheral neuropothy,for many years now.. I am told it is thought to be because of spine problems. With so many of us with this, it does seem that there has to be something that can bring us relief. I never know from one day to the next how my feet and hands are going to be at night. That seems to be the worst time. Although, If I forget to take a dose of meds, during the day it can be miserable. There are times I cannot feel my feet on the floor. I have a rolling walker for my spine problems and it helps when I cannot feel my feet. Sometimes, just driving to the store, I am not sure I will be able to walk. SURLEY there is something that can help. I take 800mg of Gabapentin 4 times a day, sometimes 5 times. I have been trying so hard to get the amount between doses longer, and less in mg. I also take Tramadol, I cannot lie down in my bed, and I have to sleep in my recliner. God I wish I could lay down. My feet usually wake me up with feet burning and stabbing bee sting like pains in my leg. I do crafts, paint, jewelry making, play the keyboard. And I have learned that staying busy is crucial. I send you my wish for ..........PEACE AND LOVE....JJ
I understand. I got mine with financing from the mattress store. The adjustable bed frame was an upgrade from the standard bed frame. I put an inexpensive mattress to go with but it really helps to be able to elevate your feet and head separately. It's really like a medical expense for many people.
Jjwest, my apologies, i didn't notice that you already said you have peripheral neuropathy in your post. I reread it this morning and said to myself, "Duh." I hope you find some relief. I know my nerve pain is the worst at night. Some nights I wanted to cry or worse yet I wanted to scream, out of pain and frustration that I could do nothing about it. The Gabapentin is helping the night pain, but I am beginning to suffer side effects that may mean I have to stop taking it. I don't know where the doctor will go next. I know I need major surgery to correct my L4, which has slipped out of alignment 7.3 mm. However, they want to put off the surgery until my other simpler surgery on my L5-S1 has completely healed. I am starting physical therapy next week and that should help. Then they will use steroid shots, which I'm not looking forward to, but are much less painful than major surgery will be. My brother had the surgery and he said the pain he had is gone, although his surgeon said he would still have pain, he was just helping him be able to walk. I'm not at that point yet, thankfully. I feel for you and hope you get some relief. Is surgery an option for you?
jjwest, I've had four spine surgeries and the best advice I can give is to search out the absolute best back surgeon. I went to the one my primary used for his own surgery, knowing he would pick the best for himself. Insist on an early surgery appt, if it gets too late go home and reschedule. I had an early surgery that ended up taking seven hours and somone was still scheduled after me. I wouldn't want an exausted surgeon working on my back! It's your body and your health so do what is best for you, not to accommodats the surgeon's schedule. Also, don't put off recommended surgery too long, I know people who regret doing that and then finding out they're no longer a good candidate for surgery. Good luck!
Hi Georgette- How was your day? did you happen to start a list of possible safe places- you would feel good in? If I can say- when a person is feeling so worthless and alone- it hurts, and I really mean "Pain", Dr Edwin Shneidman- from UCLA -in his book " Suicide As Psychache" talked about all his research around pain within the pain, when someone is really hurting, they tune every thing else out- not because they don't care-, but they are trying to find a way to stop the Psychache, Another reason to have a safe place to think, reaason with ourselves, pray and keep a journal of our thoughts and successes. If you would think about sharing what your days are like- is there one thing that keeps you from finding peace or an enjoyable few hours? I would respect and love to hear your thoughts. JJAMES
Hello,Kmhd and rspalding..... I too have peripheral neuropothy,for many years now.. I am told it is thought to be because of spine problems. With so many of us with this, it does seem that there has to be something that can bring us relief. I never know from one day to the next how my feet and hands are going to be at night. That seems to be the worst time. Although, If I forget to take a dose of meds, during the day it can be miserable. There are times I cannot feel my feet on the floor. I have a rolling walker for my spine problems and it helps when I cannot feel my feet. Sometimes, just driving to the store, I am not sure I will be able to walk. SURLEY there is something that can help. I take 800mg of Gabapentin 4 times a day, sometimes 5 times. I have been trying so hard to get the amount between doses longer, and less in mg. I also take Tramadol, I cannot lie down in my bed, and I have to sleep in my recliner. God I wish I could lay down. My feet usually wake me up with feet burning and stabbing bee sting like pains in my leg. I do crafts, paint, jewelry making, play the keyboard. And I have learned that staying busy is crucial. I send you my wish for ..........PEACE AND LOVE....JJ
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Georgette12, don't take from my post about the inch worm rule that I start out with distrusting people. I have a basic trust in people with the exception of those I pick up on right away as not being trustworthy. I will sometimes use the inch worm rule with them, and other times I will just stay away from those I think are not trustworthy. I understand that those empathic feelings I have are filtered through my own experiences and may be my own issue and not reflective of who that person is.
In the past I was too trusting and I had few boundaries, which meant I laid my heart and life out to everyone and was not able to discriminate between those who would respect and be kind to me, and those who might take advantage of my nievete'. I would often be hurt by untrustworthy people. I learned through therapy and years of personal work that I have boundaries that are real and necessary for me to live a productive and happy life. I learned to use the inch worm rule when my intuition told me that I needed to be cautious until i knew a particular individual better. This worked very well, especially in business situations. (I have worked all of my life, retiring in 2016.)
My life has been filled with situations where I could not trust the adults in my life, and had to rely on myself to keep me safe. Since I was a very young child, I didn't always make the right decision about safety. I also learned that at times the best way for me to get support was to open up to everyone, looking for the person who would love me. That is where my insecurity and my hyper-vigilance were in conflict and confusing for me. I first sought help with counseling when I was 24 years old. I grew up with my parents separating when I was 18 months old, after my father pulled both my arms out of my shoulder sockets sending me to the emergency room. My mother was pregnant with my sister at the time and she was very sick. She decided to send me to live with my aunt. I lived with my aunt until I was 4 years old. Then I came back to my mother, and I was totally confused about which woman was my mom at that point. By the time I was 5, my mother realized she could not take care of my 2 older brothers, my sister and me. She sent my brothers to live with our father in Denver, and my sister and I were sent to an orphanage in Missouri, where my mother lived. We were there until I was 12 years old. My grandmother bought a house so my mom, sister, and I could live with her. That lasted 2 years, and then my mother couldn't stand living with her mother. So, she took my sister with her and left me to tell my grandmother that she had gone to Denver. I ended up living with my mother in Denver after she had remarried my father, when I was 16. I was pregnant and married by the time I was 19. I needed to create my own stability. I had been in counseling for 3 years when realized my marriage was a mess and my husband was an alcoholic. My first husband and I were married for 9 years.
That's a snapshot of my history, which in detail is disturbing, but that would be just too much for this forum. Suffice to say mistrust and confusion were a big part of my psyche. I really needed counseling and I was aware enough to ask for help when I was 24 years old. My life steadily improved since then. I only realized about 4 years ago that I was depressed for most of my life, and again I asked for help. I am taking Citalopram now and it has had a tremendous affect on my happiness. Life is good now; I am fulfilled; I love my second husband of 34 years. I am very grateful for what I have learned and the opportunities I have had to choose to be successful in my life.
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4 ReactionsI will keep you posted on my progression. They are reluctant to do the surgery ri5right now. They want to make sure my other side's surgery has healed completely first. I will be getting steroid shots after my PT sessions are done in 8 weeks.
Itoo was leary of back surgery due to bad stories from my oldest brother. But his surgeries were year2ago, and he recently had a surgery that helped and was successful. My other brother's surgery went great and it was to keep him out of a wheelchair. He's doing great now.
More later....Gail B
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1 ReactionJjwest, i had a similar experience in a car accident. I was out of consciousness and i had a near death experience that left me a changed person. I have no fear of death now and I experienced that total love and acceptance. .
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2 ReactionsI didn't mean to say I wasn't going to stay in the group. I just meant it was time to go to bed, and had to get off the computer. Sorry for the miscommunication.
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1 Reaction@jimhd Thanks for explaining that Jim. I'm sure you will hear a collective "sigh of relief" from everyone in the group! We value your sharing with us. Teresa
I was wondering if we can have any ground rules for this group that go beyond the Mayo connect ground rules. For example can we agree to not attempt or commit suicide while we are engaging people on mayo connect? Can we agree to not self harm like cutting or burning or hurting anybody else while we are talking to people on connect? It's going to be impossible for me to be in mental health group if I'm going to have to worry about people killing themselves while I'm learning about them on connect. Learning about people makes me emotionally attached and it's not going to be easy for me to just forget about it if somebody goes and commits suicide or even threatens it or jokes about it. In my opinion we lay people can't substitute for professional mental health care. I already said that I have a psychologist that I see every week. I already said I have dissociative disorder. There's just really good reasons why I can't take ups and downs of worrying about people hurting or killing themselves day by day. I am not a mental health professional. I never made a living in mental health. I'm just a sheep. So if we can't make this agreement can somebody take me out of this group? I originally signed up for endocrinology. I don't remember how I got in mental health. But I do know if somebody tags you that you get an email. If you click on the email link you're transported back to the discussion. I don't control the emails I get or don't know how to control them. Thanks.
I understand. I got mine with financing from the mattress store. The adjustable bed frame was an upgrade from the standard bed frame. I put an inexpensive mattress to go with but it really helps to be able to elevate your feet and head separately. It's really like a medical expense for many people.
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2 Reactionsjjwest, I've had four spine surgeries and the best advice I can give is to search out the absolute best back surgeon. I went to the one my primary used for his own surgery, knowing he would pick the best for himself. Insist on an early surgery appt, if it gets too late go home and reschedule. I had an early surgery that ended up taking seven hours and somone was still scheduled after me. I wouldn't want an exausted surgeon working on my back! It's your body and your health so do what is best for you, not to accommodats the surgeon's schedule. Also, don't put off recommended surgery too long, I know people who regret doing that and then finding out they're no longer a good candidate for surgery. Good luck!
Hi Georgette- How was your day? did you happen to start a list of possible safe places- you would feel good in? If I can say- when a person is feeling so worthless and alone- it hurts, and I really mean "Pain", Dr Edwin Shneidman- from UCLA -in his book " Suicide As Psychache" talked about all his research around pain within the pain, when someone is really hurting, they tune every thing else out- not because they don't care-, but they are trying to find a way to stop the Psychache, Another reason to have a safe place to think, reaason with ourselves, pray and keep a journal of our thoughts and successes. If you would think about sharing what your days are like- is there one thing that keeps you from finding peace or an enjoyable few hours? I would respect and love to hear your thoughts. JJAMES
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2 ReactionsHi jjwest,
maybe you can find some assistance on the PAF website?
http://www.patientadvocate.org/NURD/index2.php?application=financial#scrollto
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