I am a very sad caregiver who has posted on this site before…

I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I have been in situations that no one understood or talked about. It was very hard. I will pray for you that people may come along that understand and care. I will also pray for you to have the strength you need to make it through the emptiness. I have faith that there will be something on the other side of that.

What do you do to take care of yourself? That is critical. I hear your pain and want you to know you are not alone. I believe that God hears you if you seek him. I am praying for you to have strength during this difficult time.

Big hug. It's not easy being a caregiver. I've done it for parents, brother, uncle, friend, mother's friend....and cousin. You do the best you can, always try (I've failed at this) take care of yourself as best as possible....and I always tried to remember the serenity prayer.....Accept the things you cannot change and Accept the things you can.......and pray

I am so sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I feel similar--empty inside and numb. We used to travel frequently and eat out two or three times a week. Then four years ago my husband fell from effects of medicine he was taking for restless legs and suffered a brain bleed. Both our lives ended that day. Most of our friends have dropped us because it's such a production to get us in the car to go anywhere and just spending time with us must be a real downer wondering if they are goin to end up like us. The other couple has to drive all the time. My husband also has Afib and often sleeps 18 hours a day. He wants the lights off and no noise. He had Merkle cell carcinoma on his ear lobe two years ago and the radiation destroyed what was left of his hearing (of course they don't tell you about that possibility before the treatments.) When he's awake we can't even converse because he can't hear me. I'm looking forward to another endless weekend. We have NO family at all except my husband's cousins who live 200 miles away. Several of our friends the same age as we are are going on European river cruises, trips to Portugal, African safaris or trips to Australia and here we sit.

Being 'stuck' is one of the stages of being a caregiver. It comes after accepting a loved one has a disease. I asked my psychology nurse for a list of books and the first one he recommended was "Man's Search for Meaning." I read it cold, not knowing what the book was about and it gives a powerful insight into what it means to be "stuck" and what can be done. I'm stuck too.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, "Man's Search for Meaning"

@karen8

I am so sorry for all that you and your loved ones are enduring. You know, we don’t hear much about Covid and long covid anymore. That has to be incredibly frustrating if you are trying to navigate the long term effects of this disease!

I take care of my 93+ year old father, who moved in with my husband and I almost five years ago after my mom died. I can relate to the feelings of being overwhelmed and frustrated, lonely and stressed. Caregiving is very isolating physically and mentally and emotionally. I, too, often wake up with anxiety—you never know what you will being trying to cope with on any given day (my fathers health has been declining as has some of his abilities). Every decision from the type of food I provide, timing of meds, communication with docs, scheduling of myriad appointments, cleaning, watching for tripping hazards, helping with mobility issues, taking care of finances, etc etc etc, feels critical and potentially life altering (and they can be)—all while trying to enrich his life (he is bored and nothing I can provide, do with him, take him to seems to help and now that there are many food restrictions/considerations it is especially challenging), and respect his decisions and right to still make them for himself. No one can prepare you for all this entails, and I don’t think anyone can really relate or understand unless they have been or are going through it. Even friends that have done some caregiving of parents (in my case of trying to relate), didn’t walk anything like the path I have been—in so many ways our situations are unique to us.

I’ve been praying a lot about all of this. Especially how to have joy (and pass it on) in this 24/7 reality. I am seeing that looking for the small blessings everyday—those that are meant just for me, is special and uplifting. But I have to watch and be looking for them. Like the single blossom that came out late on my seemingly spent (in terms of flowers) gardenia bush. Like the butterfly that almost landed on me while I watered. Like my dad actually being pleased with a meal that I made (and it contained very little sodium), etc. Even just taking one day at a time and being thankful for peaceful days without health alarms. I’m learning that I can be a vigilant caregiver, but I cannot control everything that happens to my loved ones, and it is really a good thing that that is God’s job! I’m trying to learn to rest in Him and cast my care (but not my responsibility for doing what I should/must). I have found it helpful to talk to a counselor/therapist once a month. She doesn’t have any earth shattering suggestions that will make all this easy, but it’s a safe place to talk out emotions and things where I don’t feel like I am betraying trust. I pray blessings of comfort and peace, joy and healing and strength, courage, and endurance for you and your loved ones!