"Looking forward." Has PN taken that away from me, too?

Good Evening, Ray!
Now you've got ME thinking. I know my purpose but always in the back of my mind - or front - I wonder how it will be received when I share it, because it is on the spiritual plane. In a few words, I can say, "To reflect God's love back to Him by following Christ Jesus into eternity."

You bring up a great point when you separate the spiritual from everything else. I realized many of what I may have listed as purposes (before thinking about it) are actually goals. But goals have timelines and they can feel like a chore sometimes. Purpose leads to lasting relevance. In 3 words, I was going to say, "Thriving in life," and that is so true but it lacks connection to my values, beliefs, and passions.
Thanks for offering a super topic to contemplate!

To the health of all of us! ~ Barb

Like so many of you, I have been to more docs than I can recall. Would hesitate to call any of them idiots. Rather, I think that what happens is that many of them see a gray-haired person on Medicare and just turn off the "let's take a deeper dive into your problem". I have been blessed to have had a PM doc who was the exception. He truly cared about me and went the extra mile to look for solutions. Also, I had a very good CRNP who should have had the title "Doctor". In fact in the twenty plus years of going to the practice, I saw the doctor just once. Here in our new city, I have had a difficult time finding any docs who are willing to look further into finding solutions to my chronic pain. The office of my current PM has 16 exam rooms. 16! Patients are shuffled in and out faster than a speeding bullet. I guess this is what our current health care system has done for us.

Good morning, Barb (@bjk3)

I had thought that "purpose" might make for a good topic. After you've hung around this forum for a while, you realize that the majority of topics have to do with the nuts and bolts of PN –– shoes, meds, therapies, etc., and that's 100% to be expected –– while fewer topics have to do with the emotional impact of PN. What you and I think of when we hear the word "purpose" differs slightly. Your thoughts natural gravitate toward the spiritual, whereas mine rotate more around one's sense of self. For example …

… until PN, I could get up each morning and say to myself "my purpose is to act." I was able to finish the "I am a ______" sentence by saying "I am an actor." When PN came along, booting me from acting, I had a hard time saying "my purpose is to act." (Let's set aside, just for discussion's sake, the option I had –– and still have –– to act using a walker or wheelchair. Many fine actors do, and I may yet still.) So, if I felt like a fraud saying "my purpose is to act," what was I to say? "My purpose is to take pills"? "My purpose is to walk ever so carefully so I don't fall"? "My purpose is to get used to having PN"? Each of those has its place, but none seemed deeply satisfying, not in the long run of being alive and being conscious of being alive. Blame it on a swollen ego if you wish ( 🙂 ), but needed something grander, more triumphant, more contributory that just remembering to take my atorvastatin.

It seems that either way we're inclined –– the spiritual, or the self-assessing –– it's a matter of identity: how we see and understand ourselves, and how others see and understand us. And trying to finish the killer sentence: "I am a _____."

Oh, Barb, us and our PN. Ain't it somethin'? 🙂

Cheers!
Ray (@ray666)

What is causing your PN?

Hi Ray--At 77, I'm coming right up behind you. I'm hoping your loss of 'looking forward' is temporary, as I'm looking forward to looking forward. I'm continuing my work in Improv, though it's sometimes challenging just to lift my foot up a step, over a random cable, and on to the stage. I'm also taking a standup class and, in reluctantly viewing myself on tape, realized just how doddering I could appear to the untrained eye. I was slow, hunched and lumbering-- Quasimodo with jokes. At that point, I decided to lean in on being The Old Guy, and the audience seems to welcome it. (If they don't, their loss...) In any event, I'm looking forward to doing more to deal with this amorphous neuropathy thing. I'm re-upping for physical therapy, hoping that this time I'll pay more attention and actually do the exercises. I'm walking with my Lekis, though it sometimes hurts. I've got a trainer at my gym who's punishing my lazy-ass abs and pushing me toward some esprit de core. And I'm, of course, on the endless quest for the perfect shoe. But I do fall into melancholy sometimes, recalling the not-too-distant times where I could take a walk without thinking about walking, or scan a crowd on the street without lingering on the lady with a little hitch in her giddy-up, maybe a fellow sufferer...Anyway, as hollow as it often sounds, I truly mean it when I say...hang in there.

@ray666 ~
Oh, Ray, you've got that right. I hope you do take up that acting identity again. It would help others to see with their own eyes that physical limitations can't make you leave it until you're ready to let it go. I think acting is in your bones, like it is for my son-in-law who was able to utilize his talent at Second City in Chicago for season of his life. He's still so expressive, and for those of us who aren't, it is SO fun to observe! Sure, your parts may be shortened but you will look forward to that (both the acting and the shortness!) Just stay off ladders!

Blessings, Barb

Cats are cool.

" … and together a decision is made on which is best."

Hi, Ed. My neuro doc gave me an example of exactly that just last week. He's the fellow who started me on EB-N5 two years ago. Hewrote last wee and asked if I might be interested in switching to a slightly different formulation, EB-M8, but encouraged me to do a little online snooping before I decided. I did just that, and decided yes. It felt as though my neuro doc and I made the decision together, just as you say. –

Ray - An agreed upon joint decision always works best and I am starting to hear more and more about this type of patient/doctor decisions being made together. Good luck with the EB-M8.

I’ve felt the same way as you about going out and doing things.
I can’t do what I used to and it’s frustrating.,so I just stay home.
If I do go somewhere I have to make sure I can have a bathroom available and I can handle things myself, if you know what I mean.
Right now I’m dealing with a bad break in my ankle, and I’m in a wheelchair unable to put any weight on my ankle, and having to stand on one leg to do things,and that’s not easy.
Because of my neuropathy,I have to have hardware in place longer than normal,because since I have no feeling in my feet I could hurt myself and not even realize it.
The break occurred in April, and then the plate they put in got infected,so back to the OR I went so they could clean out the area and put in a new plate.
It seems like I’ve had my run of bad luck for past few years, and if I didn’t have this neuropathy issue,I’ve might have recovered easier, who knows.
I’m just hoping I will be able to get back to doing my regular activities soon.
Good luck to you also!