Pain and Loss of Self Worth
I was diagnosed with arachnoiditis 5 years ago following major spine surgery.
I think I've learned to live with the chronic pain and neuropathy, but I still struggle with the fact that I can't do what I used to do. I have expectations that I should at least be able to vacuum and cook a small meal, but I can't because after standing for 3-5 minutes, I have to sit down and let the pain subside. Traveling, shopping, or even walking for more than 10 minutes are out of the question.
I held a challenging and very active executive position for 40 years, working 10+ hrs/day. I raised a daughter, and volunteered at a local hospice. Now, at age 70, I sit in a recliner for most of the day and read and do crosswords.
I see so many ads of people in their 70's and 80's golfing, biking, baking cookies and I look within myself and see a sedentary, dull person. I suspect that other people must think that of me, also.
Is anyone else experiencing these negative thoughts about themselves? How do you get to the point where you can regain some pride in yourself--this new self that can't accomplish or contribute very much to family, friends, or the community?
Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Chronic Pain Support Group.
Having a diagnosis did help in terms of my acceptance of the chronic pain I experience. It helps because I know it's not "in my head"; it's resulting from a real surgical injury.
I sympathize with others suffering chronic pain from an undiscovered source. They are on a seemingly endless journey to receive an answer and perhaps treatments to alleviate the pain.
I hope you find an answer soon; in the meantime know that you are not alone in this frustrating journey.