Depression help without meds?

I am and have always been depressed. It waxes and wanes depending on where my life is at the moment. The start was a horrible mother who has always made me feel less. Even now I quite often beat myself up perpetuating her treatment of me. I know better, but still . . . I "ran away" from her and was able to make a new life for myself. But I didn't run away from my mental and emotional problems she caused. Almost four years ago my husband died. We were together for 62 years. I sought therapy and was fortunate to find a woman who really helped me. She diagnosed me with PTSD due to child abuse. But now I am alone and very old. 90 almost 91 to be exact. I am extremely fortunate to be quite healthy at my age. I do not take drugs because they do weird and queer things to me. On the other hand, I can live a "normal" and independent life and I can drive. But I am still alone and that really is depressing. I have two sons. After my husband died, the younger son basically threw me out of the family. So I rewrote our trust. Working for a trust attorney was my career during my working life so this was easy for me. My older son lives in Thailand. I am expecting a visit from him very shortly. It will only be 4 days. Getting from there to here (and back) is a gruelling trip. I may never see him again after this visit. The airline tickets cost a lot of money. I live on a budget. I am trying to stockpile some money in case I live long enough to need a caregiver down the line. If I don't, my older son will get it. I don't feel comfortable in crowds so avoid going to anything where I don't know anyone. So I expect my loneliness and depression will continue until I leave this earth. But no drugs for me.

I have not. My doctors seem to be stuck on injection procedures. I've had many; they do not help, except the SI injection, and it lasted only 18 days. One told me I was too old for anything more. Recently, they added severe stenosis to my list---suggested back surgery; I said No.

I think I would like to try counseling, but have not found one yet: I am skeptical about them. I don't know anything about CBT. I guess I need to do more research, about both.

Thank you for your interest.

I am and have always been depressed. It waxes and wanes depending on where my life is at the moment. The start was a horrible mother who has always made me feel less. Even now I quite often beat myself up perpetuating her treatment of me. I know better, but still . . . I "ran away" from her and was able to make a new life for myself. But I didn't run away from my mental and emotional problems she caused. Almost four years ago my husband died. We were together for 62 years. I sought therapy and was fortunate to find a woman who really helped me. She diagnosed me with PTSD due to child abuse. But now I am alone and very old. 90 almost 91 to be exact. I am extremely fortunate to be quite healthy at my age. I do not take drugs because they do weird and queer things to me. On the other hand, I can live a "normal" and independent life and I can drive. But I am still alone and that really is depressing. I have two sons. After my husband died, the younger son basically threw me out of the family. So I rewrote our trust. Working for a trust attorney was my career during my working life so this was easy for me. My older son lives in Thailand. I am expecting a visit from him very shortly. It will only be 4 days. Getting from there to here (and back) is a gruelling trip. I may never see him again after this visit. The airline tickets cost a lot of money. I live on a budget. I am trying to stockpile some money in case I live long enough to need a caregiver down the line. If I don't, my older son will get it. I don't feel comfortable in crowds so avoid going to anything where I don't know anyone. So I expect my loneliness and depression will continue until I leave this earth. But no drugs for me.

What a blessing to be able to still drive and to be able to care for your own needs at 90! I do understand the alone part though. I hope you enjoy reading, and have a hobby you love; it truly does help!

I have eight children, plus two "bonus" sons, but none of them live close, but I could call on any one of them if I needed to. I am very blessed to have a loving, faithful and kind spouse. We are both active in church, and read scriptures every day. We know everything good in our lives comes from our Heavenly Father. We are old, and slower, but we know we are blessed, even with some tough health issues.

I hope you have a true friend that you can "vent" too, and trust. Every person NEEDS that. I wish you happier times, and peace.

Your posting struck a chord, and my depression has been with me since about the age of 10 and I’m now 78. It comes and goes. Mostly it has been “goes” having been married for over 43 years and helping raise two children. Unlike you, I didn’t need to go into therapy at a late age to figure out I have had a form of PTSD for many decades. This suddenly dawned on me about two years ago when I had Mohs surgery on my scalp. The cutting into my skin had more effect on the inside of my head than it did to the outside, which healed nicely after 5 months. There is a line in a Bob Dylan song that goes “You don’t need to be e weatherman to know which way the wind blows”. I did online research on PTSD, and it all became self- evident to me. After researching it I realized that my depression has been with me since my alcoholic father left the family and abandoned his only child never to be seen again. He died alone in an SRO (a euphemism for a tenement dump) of alcoholism at the young age of 43. He never bothered to ever want to see me. He left me nothing but painful memories all these years, and after the Mohs surgery I started to replay those memories over and over. Needless to say, this affects my relationships with my wife, two daughters and the 4 grand kids. At this point, I refuse therapy to tell me the obvious. I just press on day by day and have tried to forget the depressing childhood by collecting – books, movie posters, and over 10,000 (and counting) DVDs. It’s the collector’s mentality. I guess I'm making up for the loss and the guilt that so many kids feel about their parent's divorce. In Freudian terms I guess I’m considered anal retentive, and over the years it has blunted some of the early pain. You certainly sound like a survivor. Best wishes.

Your posting struck a chord, and my depression has been with me since about the age of 10 and I’m now 78. It comes and goes. Mostly it has been “goes” having been married for over 43 years and helping raise two children. Unlike you, I didn’t need to go into therapy at a late age to figure out I have had a form of PTSD for many decades. This suddenly dawned on me about two years ago when I had Mohs surgery on my scalp. The cutting into my skin had more effect on the inside of my head than it did to the outside, which healed nicely after 5 months. There is a line in a Bob Dylan song that goes “You don’t need to be e weatherman to know which way the wind blows”. I did online research on PTSD, and it all became self- evident to me. After researching it I realized that my depression has been with me since my alcoholic father left the family and abandoned his only child never to be seen again. He died alone in an SRO (a euphemism for a tenement dump) of alcoholism at the young age of 43. He never bothered to ever want to see me. He left me nothing but painful memories all these years, and after the Mohs surgery I started to replay those memories over and over. Needless to say, this affects my relationships with my wife, two daughters and the 4 grand kids. At this point, I refuse therapy to tell me the obvious. I just press on day by day and have tried to forget the depressing childhood by collecting – books, movie posters, and over 10,000 (and counting) DVDs. It’s the collector’s mentality. I guess I'm making up for the loss and the guilt that so many kids feel about their parent's divorce. In Freudian terms I guess I’m considered anal retentive, and over the years it has blunted some of the early pain. You certainly sound like a survivor. Best wishes.

Your posting struck a chord, and my depression has been with me since about the age of 10 and I’m now 78. It comes and goes. Mostly it has been “goes” having been married for over 43 years and helping raise two children. Unlike you, I didn’t need to go into therapy at a late age to figure out I have had a form of PTSD for many decades. This suddenly dawned on me about two years ago when I had Mohs surgery on my scalp. The cutting into my skin had more effect on the inside of my head than it did to the outside, which healed nicely after 5 months. There is a line in a Bob Dylan song that goes “You don’t need to be e weatherman to know which way the wind blows”. I did online research on PTSD, and it all became self- evident to me. After researching it I realized that my depression has been with me since my alcoholic father left the family and abandoned his only child never to be seen again. He died alone in an SRO (a euphemism for a tenement dump) of alcoholism at the young age of 43. He never bothered to ever want to see me. He left me nothing but painful memories all these years, and after the Mohs surgery I started to replay those memories over and over. Needless to say, this affects my relationships with my wife, two daughters and the 4 grand kids. At this point, I refuse therapy to tell me the obvious. I just press on day by day and have tried to forget the depressing childhood by collecting – books, movie posters, and over 10,000 (and counting) DVDs. It’s the collector’s mentality. I guess I'm making up for the loss and the guilt that so many kids feel about their parent's divorce. In Freudian terms I guess I’m considered anal retentive, and over the years it has blunted some of the early pain. You certainly sound like a survivor. Best wishes.

Look up the work by Gabor Maté . He collects LPs and knows about (early life) trauma, dysfunction and addiction.
It does not go away, but there is stuff out there which teaches us how to deal with it, and take is easier on others. You don't want to hear about my childhood with a father who stayed.
Vagus nerve writings. Donald Kalsched on Trauma.
Dylan also wrote The moral of this story. The moral of this song. Is simply that one should not be where one does not belong. 🤜🤛

@dorma
Can I asked what a "bonus son" is?

All my blood family has passed. I do have family on my wife's side but it is not the same.

My wife and my dog are my best friends and are always there for me. Seems my dog reconigizes a bad day really fast and smothers me with animal love.

I too developed PTSD in later life from previous life trauma which spread into anxiety/panic disorder. Medications, great medical and mental specialist at Mayo and my best friends have allowed me to realize I am lucky (even at 78) to have such best friends and a full life.