I'm not recovering: Could meds be causing suicidal thoughts?

Posted by autumn2025 @autumn2025, May 17 10:57pm

I feel depleted. In my past, I was motivated in trying anything to get better from a deep depression and intense anxiety. Years have gone by... it seems that I feel pretty low at the beginning of the day, and feel even lower by the end of the day. Suicidal thoughts have been present for the past week. I feel useless, replaceable, and very emotional. I have been retrying lamictal and am on the 4th week (50 mg). I see that it can increase suicidal thoughts in some people. How do I know if it's the medication causing them or that my depression has just gotten worse over time?

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SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | Jun 10 4:22pm

In reply to @standinginfaith "Beautiful!! You are extremely gifted!! Please keep sharing!! It brightens up my day..and probably many other!!" + (show)

@standinginfaith @suesea thank you so much!

One must have a sense of silliness for most paintings!

This is a watercolor. It started out as a desert scene…turned into a wedding…

standinginfaith | @standinginfaith | Jun 10 5:05pm

In reply to @SusanEllen66 "@standinginfaith @suesea thank you so much! One must have a sense of silliness for most paintings!..." + (show)

Awesome!!! love the "silliness!!"

suesea | @suesea | Jun 10 7:14pm

In reply to @SusanEllen66 "@standinginfaith @suesea thank you so much! One must have a sense of silliness for most paintings!..." + (show)

😄 That's adorable! Some of my favorite art is very whimsical. That had to be fun to do.

We had a new resident move in, and she was in of the original musketeers before Annette joined the show. She's absolutely fascinating and funny. Tonight she gave me some coloring books and colored pencils! People can be so sweet. I have a feeling that I will be painting and coloring soon. Have a great night, Susan. 😊🩷

SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | 6 days ago

In reply to @suesea "😄 That's adorable! Some of my favorite art is very whimsical. That had to be fun..." + (show)

@suesea that is terrific! I hope you start painting again. I would love to know your thoughts.

I just finished another one. Now a nap. It’s 108° and I am done.

P.S. my Profile pic is Lola. She is a re-work.

suesea | @suesea | 6 days ago

Hello. Sorry for the late reply. This week has been a bit harder than others - more physical pain and more trouble with my mind. The picture of Lola is lovely too. You have your own style which can be seen in each piece. Lola reminds me of a beautiful bird. ☺️
Goodnight, Susan - happy painting! 🎨

SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | 6 days ago

In reply to @suesea "They need to add the astonishing icon... 😮 That is gorgeous. I love the colors and..." + (show)

@suesea @standinginfaith
It was 108° today and I went for physical therapy. I came home exhausted, but decided to mess up the nice tree I started Monday.
It was very pretty until I decided to make a few little changes…

I used too much metallic and it overpowered everything.
But, here it is. Ta da…

standinginfaith | @standinginfaith | 6 days ago

In reply to @SusanEllen66 "@suesea @standinginfaith It was 108° today and I went for physical therapy. I came home exhausted,..." + (show)

Another lovely painting!! So subtly vibrant and creative!! Please do keep them coming!!

suesea | @suesea | 6 days ago

In reply to @SusanEllen66 "@suesea @standinginfaith It was 108° today and I went for physical therapy. I came home exhausted,..." + (show)

It's very interesting! I do love painting with metallic paints and iridescent colors sometimes. They can be so much fun to add a bit of pop to your work.

To me, this painting looks like a flower and stem with leaves. Your color choices are soothing. I can't imagine 108 temperatures. It's going to be close to 90 here. That's hot enough. ☺️ Have a wonderful day. 🩷

SusanEllen66 | @SusanEllen66 | 5 days ago

In reply to @suesea "It's very interesting! I do love painting with metallic paints and iridescent colors sometimes. They can..." + (show)

@suesea “a bit of pop” is the key.
I didn’t do a bit. Rather I did a POP too much.
I like painting eyes. So the painting looks like leaves.

Hope you are feeling better than you were the other day.
In addition to MCI, I have FND, it’s Functional Neurological Disorder .
The FND is causing me way more trouble. Physical issues like tremors, visual, and gait problems are just a few of the symptoms.

Oh well, I will carry on the best I can.

Have a wonder filled Friday! 🌻

suesea | @suesea | 5 days ago

Good morning. I'm glad you're staying positive. My pain level has been a lot worse lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe some days are just better than others.

I hope you enjoy your Friday as well. Today we have activities, so it's fun. We have trivia games at 1pm, Happy Hour at 2pm, and Bingo at 3pm. After that it's dinner at 4:30. That's one of the nice things about living in assisted living facilities. It should be a good day. ☺️💕