I'm around the same age, and if what you mean by humor is the same as a general sense of the absurdity of life then I would totally agree with you. With having had SCC about 5 times, including a Mohs surgery (Sept 2023), even my life long sense of the absurd finally has been taken over with a type of PTSD that has caused me almost 2 years of social anxiety and depression. We just press on so we avoid having to think of the alternative.
For me, having the trifecta of skin cancers (malignant, basal and squamous) I find myself sliding occasionally, emotionally, as I 'wait for another shoe to drop.' Life is absurd sometimes. And it's ironic. But it always was - even prior to these skin cancers in what ought to be (so I was told, lolol) my golden years.
I don't succeed every day, but I try to focus on the positive. I've got sweet little grandchildren whom I see regularly. I live in a 55+ community where nearly all the folks here have some sort of physical inconvenience, and yes, sometimes those ailments are debilitating; but there's camaraderie and understanding here as a result. I have a Doc for whom I say grateful prayers. Over Memorial Day a calamity gave me a big infected leg, fever, a Thursday evening ER visit and pain aplenty. Away for the wknd, he face-timed daily and saw me at 5am on the Monday morning afterwards to help get me back on the right road. It's not all roses and lollipops for sure, and it's cold comfort to say "well, others have it so much worse." But focusing on the positives helps me hold the line on misery. Most days.
@bluelizard Thanks for sharing your perspective and couldn't agree more. Life can sure throw some curve balls and we've seen a lot in our time, personally and collectively. Trying to keep an eye on the good and focus on gratitude can be very centering. I have a little stone I keep on my desk here by my computer to remind me of that. Is there any particular gratitude practice you yourself do?
Circling back to what brought you here: How is your incision site coming along?
Ah, that tricky incision site is currently hidden, well-bandaged. It's a particular nuisance on my right ankle as I try to get comfy for sleep, but all in all, I'm holding my own, I think. I keep it on the incline as best I can - or in a compression wrap. I see the Doc this Thursday. We meet weekly so he can put his eyes on my progress and install a new placenta patch. Knowing I'll see him is both reassuring and inconvenient, lolol.
@grammato3
I too lost track of how many BCCs I have had. The only number I remember is 1 for SCC. I never get out of a dermatology visit without burning off pre cancers or getting another biopsies.
I had been seeing one dermatologist at Mayo Jacksonville for years. Developed a good relationship and knew anything I was concerned with would be addressed including all my body check. I have a new dermatologist who I am getting familiar with but does a very thorough check of my body which impresses me.
Two of my BCCs left some visible scars. One on my chest which was the first BCC I had and had ignored it for years left a long scar. It was not MOHS surgery. The second is somewhat indent in my upper nose where I had MOHS surgery but only I see it.
I too are what I referr to myself as a picker. It is habit of scratching or picking at something that is raised on your skin. Don't even know I am doing it but then it bleeds. My dermatologist knows this now and burns them off. I try not to rub or scratch them but hard to do.
Any cancer (I was treated for prostate cancer in 2023) including skin cancer is something that is not just physical but mental. You mental health needs to be addressed and treated if needed just as much as your physical health. I found Mayo works as a team and I do see a pyschiatric medications specialist.
The one thing I found to help reduce picking is vasoline. After every biopsies and burn off was directed to use vasoline which helps skin heal from below and not form scabs. This helps prevent external feel of a scab. So wha I have been doing in conjuction with this is to apply vasoline to those scratches and spots I have a tendency to scratch as the vasoline makes it a smooth feeling and not something raised to scratch at.
My dermatologist advised me of my picking tendencies many years ago. I too am a believer in Vaseline. It really made a difference helping me heal from my several mohs. I have a great relationship with my dermatologist, so he or a member of his team coached me through my healing to refrain from picking. I even wore mittens to help. I also agree that the cancer battle is more mental and emotional at times than physical. This is a common theme across most Mayo Connect groups that I follow. Hopefully, we all learn ways to cope. Our coping skills are different. What helps you folks? How do you get out of your head and calm your emotions?
@19sfca47 There was just an article in The NY Times on
dermatillomania. I wonder if a lot of these conditions are not as uncommon as one may think but because of some stigma or shame associated with them, individuals who may suffer from them are less inclined to talk about it. I’m speculating here but because of the potential of repetition, inability to stop and associated shame there must be some increased incidence of depression, also. Adding interventions for skin cancers on top of that must truly aggravate the situation!
You’re very sensible in your approach to reporting skin changes to your supportive dermatology practice. But now I’m wondering after all you’ve been through if you have any recommendations for any one else who may have a similar tendency to pick at their wounds post-procedure?
Thank you for that NY Times link. The woman mentioned started at about the same time as I did as a "picker"- 12 or 13, and came from a chaotic household. In my case a broken marriage due to an alcoholic father. Kids become anxious and find ways of coping. Especially as an only child, it becomes easy to blame yourself for the chaos around you. It's like, "What have I done wrong"?, and then you punish yourself for decades on end. I read somewhere online that the condition was thought to mostly afflict women, but newer studies had shown that the split is 55% women /45% men. Like I had mentioned, I let all this pass for decades as I helped to raise two children, then the Mohs surgery brought all these feelings of shame, anxiety and self consciousness out all over again.
In terms of recommendations, there is a Dermatillomania Support Group on Facebook, with some scary pictures, but also some good advice from people who have the condition and coping with it the best they can. Many are in therapy, and there are a range of anti-depressant drugs. My family practice doctor gave me a script for Lexapro, but I have refused to take it because of the myriad side effects, with sleeplessness being one. I already have sleep issues, so I take Ambien. Too many drugs being mixed isn't a good thing. Many doctors aren't up to date on drug interactions.
For me, having the trifecta of skin cancers (malignant, basal and squamous) I find myself sliding occasionally, emotionally, as I 'wait for another shoe to drop.' Life is absurd sometimes. And it's ironic. But it always was - even prior to these skin cancers in what ought to be (so I was told, lolol) my golden years.
I don't succeed every day, but I try to focus on the positive. I've got sweet little grandchildren whom I see regularly. I live in a 55+ community where nearly all the folks here have some sort of physical inconvenience, and yes, sometimes those ailments are debilitating; but there's camaraderie and understanding here as a result. I have a Doc for whom I say grateful prayers. Over Memorial Day a calamity gave me a big infected leg, fever, a Thursday evening ER visit and pain aplenty. Away for the wknd, he face-timed daily and saw me at 5am on the Monday morning afterwards to help get me back on the right road. It's not all roses and lollipops for sure, and it's cold comfort to say "well, others have it so much worse." But focusing on the positives helps me hold the line on misery. Most days.
There are days when those "golden years" are more like fool's gold :-). We still live in the house we have had for 32 years. It's been about 10 years since I stopped personally taking care of the lawn and bushes and pay others to do it. However, someone will have to take me away kicking and screaming to move to a retirement community. I'm old in body and age, but there is a part of my psyche that still thinks I'm 23. Hearing old folks talk about their maladies or complain about the ways of the world is something I don't care to be around. I also have grandchildren (4), and one of them, the 3 year year old a few months ago, seeing the AK lesions on my head, said to me - "Grandpa, what's wrong with your head"? Just honest innocence, but it really stung.
@grammato3
I too lost track of how many BCCs I have had. The only number I remember is 1 for SCC. I never get out of a dermatology visit without burning off pre cancers or getting another biopsies.
I had been seeing one dermatologist at Mayo Jacksonville for years. Developed a good relationship and knew anything I was concerned with would be addressed including all my body check. I have a new dermatologist who I am getting familiar with but does a very thorough check of my body which impresses me.
Two of my BCCs left some visible scars. One on my chest which was the first BCC I had and had ignored it for years left a long scar. It was not MOHS surgery. The second is somewhat indent in my upper nose where I had MOHS surgery but only I see it.
I too are what I referr to myself as a picker. It is habit of scratching or picking at something that is raised on your skin. Don't even know I am doing it but then it bleeds. My dermatologist knows this now and burns them off. I try not to rub or scratch them but hard to do.
Any cancer (I was treated for prostate cancer in 2023) including skin cancer is something that is not just physical but mental. You mental health needs to be addressed and treated if needed just as much as your physical health. I found Mayo works as a team and I do see a pyschiatric medications specialist.
The one thing I found to help reduce picking is vasoline. After every biopsies and burn off was directed to use vasoline which helps skin heal from below and not form scabs. This helps prevent external feel of a scab. So wha I have been doing in conjuction with this is to apply vasoline to those scratches and spots I have a tendency to scratch as the vasoline makes it a smooth feeling and not something raised to scratch at.
@jc76, @19sfca47, @bluelizard and all of us facing a cancer diagnosis of any kind, myself included - totally on board with the mental aspects that accompany such a diagnosis. It can become all encompassing.
I've gotten a lot out of the monthly Melanoma Support Groups offered through Mayo Connect held on the second Tuesday of every month facilitated by an LCSW on staff, open to all, not only people treating at Mayo Clinic. I'm going to add that link.
The application of vasoline is a great idea to cut down on the habit of picking, which can, at least in part, be caused by anxiety. Has anyone found any other forms of support to address accompanying reactions, including depression?
My dermatologist advised me of my picking tendencies many years ago. I too am a believer in Vaseline. It really made a difference helping me heal from my several mohs. I have a great relationship with my dermatologist, so he or a member of his team coached me through my healing to refrain from picking. I even wore mittens to help. I also agree that the cancer battle is more mental and emotional at times than physical. This is a common theme across most Mayo Connect groups that I follow. Hopefully, we all learn ways to cope. Our coping skills are different. What helps you folks? How do you get out of your head and calm your emotions?
When I had the 4 ED&C procedures done, as well as the Mohs work done on my scalp, my dermatologist recommended either Vaseline or Aquaphor. I told him that I didn't like Vaseline because it's too sticky and too hard to wash off without a wound opening up and bleeding (I take a blood thinner and bleed easily). I told him for years that I have been putting on Polysporin, but the reason he didn't mention it is that there are people who are allergic to it, but I've never had a problem. In terms of coping, well there is the old red vino, but on a serious note, there are many support groups out there, both here at Mayo, but Facebook has support groups for SCC, Actinic Keratosis, Mohs Surgery and Dermatillomania (for us pickers). Seeing some of the pictures people post of their skin conditions makes you feel like you are a bit lucky, since it could be worse.
There are days when those "golden years" are more like fool's gold :-). We still live in the house we have had for 32 years. It's been about 10 years since I stopped personally taking care of the lawn and bushes and pay others to do it. However, someone will have to take me away kicking and screaming to move to a retirement community. I'm old in body and age, but there is a part of my psyche that still thinks I'm 23. Hearing old folks talk about their maladies or complain about the ways of the world is something I don't care to be around. I also have grandchildren (4), and one of them, the 3 year year old a few months ago, seeing the AK lesions on my head, said to me - "Grandpa, what's wrong with your head"? Just honest innocence, but it really stung.
Fool's gold indeed! This is a rough journey we're on, for certain. I envy you having been in place 32 years. How wonderful that must be. My spouse was in a field that required moving our family of 5 hither and yon frequently. But we all learned, despite difficult times, that people are people wherever you go.
Our 55+ is a super active place, full of hikers, bike-riders, pickleball folks, bookclubbers, wine and beer club people. There's community here we weren't able to establish over the decades. Since it was a new community, we were all moving in around the same 3-5 year period. That makes folks sensitive to being good neighbors and helping one another.
Hang onto that youthful thinking! I wonder sometimes if I'd like to be 23 - or 33, or 43 - again. I'm pretty sure I'd snap up the opportunity!
Ah, that tricky incision site is currently hidden, well-bandaged. It's a particular nuisance on my right ankle as I try to get comfy for sleep, but all in all, I'm holding my own, I think. I keep it on the incline as best I can - or in a compression wrap. I see the Doc this Thursday. We meet weekly so he can put his eyes on my progress and install a new placenta patch. Knowing I'll see him is both reassuring and inconvenient, lolol.
@bluelizard Sleep can be tricky with an incision like that. From your other post, it also sounds like you have a good dr/patient relationship with your dermatologist and good network of friends in your community. I'm going to be traveling from Thursday through Sunday but will be anxious to hear how your follow up goes on Thursday.
Will you keep me posted?
There are days when those "golden years" are more like fool's gold :-). We still live in the house we have had for 32 years. It's been about 10 years since I stopped personally taking care of the lawn and bushes and pay others to do it. However, someone will have to take me away kicking and screaming to move to a retirement community. I'm old in body and age, but there is a part of my psyche that still thinks I'm 23. Hearing old folks talk about their maladies or complain about the ways of the world is something I don't care to be around. I also have grandchildren (4), and one of them, the 3 year year old a few months ago, seeing the AK lesions on my head, said to me - "Grandpa, what's wrong with your head"? Just honest innocence, but it really stung.
@19sfca47 My dear ol'dad (and I say that most lovingly) used to say he'd look in the mirror and wonder who the old guy was gazing back at him -- when he was a spry 99! And lately I have to admit I've found that happening to me as well < >>
Grandchildren can keep us young but at 3 and 4 they're at an age where they can start learning some tact and sensitivity with what and how they say things. I speak from experience as my youngest one is also 4; my oldest is 14 so I've heard some rather stinging comments myself, also expressed innocently but can be hurtful as we see - and feel - ourselves aging.
I've tried to provide some guidance to my grandkids in how to speak to us elders using what I learned when working: the so-called "sandwich response" - framing what I'm saying between two positive comments. So in the case of when they notice signs of aging, acknowledge that with something like, "You've noticed I'm not young like your mom or dad anymore, even thought I often feel that way" then "When someone tells me these things look wrong when it's just part of getting older, it hurts my feelings, and can hurt the feelings of other older people who look like this" and ending with "I've become a lot smarter now that I'm older. What do you think you'll like when you get older?" I've actually found that helps them reflect more on what they've said, the impact it's has and how they'll feel when they'll inevitably age.
Do you see how that spin on things might help ease the sting?
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For me, having the trifecta of skin cancers (malignant, basal and squamous) I find myself sliding occasionally, emotionally, as I 'wait for another shoe to drop.' Life is absurd sometimes. And it's ironic. But it always was - even prior to these skin cancers in what ought to be (so I was told, lolol) my golden years.
I don't succeed every day, but I try to focus on the positive. I've got sweet little grandchildren whom I see regularly. I live in a 55+ community where nearly all the folks here have some sort of physical inconvenience, and yes, sometimes those ailments are debilitating; but there's camaraderie and understanding here as a result. I have a Doc for whom I say grateful prayers. Over Memorial Day a calamity gave me a big infected leg, fever, a Thursday evening ER visit and pain aplenty. Away for the wknd, he face-timed daily and saw me at 5am on the Monday morning afterwards to help get me back on the right road. It's not all roses and lollipops for sure, and it's cold comfort to say "well, others have it so much worse." But focusing on the positives helps me hold the line on misery. Most days.
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Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsAh, that tricky incision site is currently hidden, well-bandaged. It's a particular nuisance on my right ankle as I try to get comfy for sleep, but all in all, I'm holding my own, I think. I keep it on the incline as best I can - or in a compression wrap. I see the Doc this Thursday. We meet weekly so he can put his eyes on my progress and install a new placenta patch. Knowing I'll see him is both reassuring and inconvenient, lolol.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsMy dermatologist advised me of my picking tendencies many years ago. I too am a believer in Vaseline. It really made a difference helping me heal from my several mohs. I have a great relationship with my dermatologist, so he or a member of his team coached me through my healing to refrain from picking. I even wore mittens to help. I also agree that the cancer battle is more mental and emotional at times than physical. This is a common theme across most Mayo Connect groups that I follow. Hopefully, we all learn ways to cope. Our coping skills are different. What helps you folks? How do you get out of your head and calm your emotions?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsThank you for that NY Times link. The woman mentioned started at about the same time as I did as a "picker"- 12 or 13, and came from a chaotic household. In my case a broken marriage due to an alcoholic father. Kids become anxious and find ways of coping. Especially as an only child, it becomes easy to blame yourself for the chaos around you. It's like, "What have I done wrong"?, and then you punish yourself for decades on end. I read somewhere online that the condition was thought to mostly afflict women, but newer studies had shown that the split is 55% women /45% men. Like I had mentioned, I let all this pass for decades as I helped to raise two children, then the Mohs surgery brought all these feelings of shame, anxiety and self consciousness out all over again.
In terms of recommendations, there is a Dermatillomania Support Group on Facebook, with some scary pictures, but also some good advice from people who have the condition and coping with it the best they can. Many are in therapy, and there are a range of anti-depressant drugs. My family practice doctor gave me a script for Lexapro, but I have refused to take it because of the myriad side effects, with sleeplessness being one. I already have sleep issues, so I take Ambien. Too many drugs being mixed isn't a good thing. Many doctors aren't up to date on drug interactions.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsThere are days when those "golden years" are more like fool's gold :-). We still live in the house we have had for 32 years. It's been about 10 years since I stopped personally taking care of the lawn and bushes and pay others to do it. However, someone will have to take me away kicking and screaming to move to a retirement community. I'm old in body and age, but there is a part of my psyche that still thinks I'm 23. Hearing old folks talk about their maladies or complain about the ways of the world is something I don't care to be around. I also have grandchildren (4), and one of them, the 3 year year old a few months ago, seeing the AK lesions on my head, said to me - "Grandpa, what's wrong with your head"? Just honest innocence, but it really stung.
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Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction@jc76, @19sfca47, @bluelizard and all of us facing a cancer diagnosis of any kind, myself included - totally on board with the mental aspects that accompany such a diagnosis. It can become all encompassing.
There is a link through Mayo that addresses this: https://cancereducation.mayoclinic.org/depressed-mood/index.html#:~:text=Being%20diagnosed%20with%20cancer%20is,hard%20to%20focus%20or%20think.
I've gotten a lot out of the monthly Melanoma Support Groups offered through Mayo Connect held on the second Tuesday of every month facilitated by an LCSW on staff, open to all, not only people treating at Mayo Clinic. I'm going to add that link.
The application of vasoline is a great idea to cut down on the habit of picking, which can, at least in part, be caused by anxiety. Has anyone found any other forms of support to address accompanying reactions, including depression?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
4 ReactionsWhen I had the 4 ED&C procedures done, as well as the Mohs work done on my scalp, my dermatologist recommended either Vaseline or Aquaphor. I told him that I didn't like Vaseline because it's too sticky and too hard to wash off without a wound opening up and bleeding (I take a blood thinner and bleed easily). I told him for years that I have been putting on Polysporin, but the reason he didn't mention it is that there are people who are allergic to it, but I've never had a problem. In terms of coping, well there is the old red vino, but on a serious note, there are many support groups out there, both here at Mayo, but Facebook has support groups for SCC, Actinic Keratosis, Mohs Surgery and Dermatillomania (for us pickers). Seeing some of the pictures people post of their skin conditions makes you feel like you are a bit lucky, since it could be worse.
Fool's gold indeed! This is a rough journey we're on, for certain. I envy you having been in place 32 years. How wonderful that must be. My spouse was in a field that required moving our family of 5 hither and yon frequently. But we all learned, despite difficult times, that people are people wherever you go.
Our 55+ is a super active place, full of hikers, bike-riders, pickleball folks, bookclubbers, wine and beer club people. There's community here we weren't able to establish over the decades. Since it was a new community, we were all moving in around the same 3-5 year period. That makes folks sensitive to being good neighbors and helping one another.
Hang onto that youthful thinking! I wonder sometimes if I'd like to be 23 - or 33, or 43 - again. I'm pretty sure I'd snap up the opportunity!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@bluelizard Sleep can be tricky with an incision like that. From your other post, it also sounds like you have a good dr/patient relationship with your dermatologist and good network of friends in your community. I'm going to be traveling from Thursday through Sunday but will be anxious to hear how your follow up goes on Thursday.
Will you keep me posted?
@19sfca47 My dear ol'dad (and I say that most lovingly) used to say he'd look in the mirror and wonder who the old guy was gazing back at him -- when he was a spry 99! And lately I have to admit I've found that happening to me as well < >>
Grandchildren can keep us young but at 3 and 4 they're at an age where they can start learning some tact and sensitivity with what and how they say things. I speak from experience as my youngest one is also 4; my oldest is 14 so I've heard some rather stinging comments myself, also expressed innocently but can be hurtful as we see - and feel - ourselves aging.
I've tried to provide some guidance to my grandkids in how to speak to us elders using what I learned when working: the so-called "sandwich response" - framing what I'm saying between two positive comments. So in the case of when they notice signs of aging, acknowledge that with something like, "You've noticed I'm not young like your mom or dad anymore, even thought I often feel that way" then "When someone tells me these things look wrong when it's just part of getting older, it hurts my feelings, and can hurt the feelings of other older people who look like this" and ending with "I've become a lot smarter now that I'm older. What do you think you'll like when you get older?" I've actually found that helps them reflect more on what they've said, the impact it's has and how they'll feel when they'll inevitably age.
Do you see how that spin on things might help ease the sting?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
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