1. < Aging Well

Happiness for Old Folks

Posted by edsutton @edsutton, Oct 12, 2024

Lately I’ve been thinking about the value of happiness as we age.
Neuroscientists say that we don’t ever have “objective” thoughts separate from underlying feelings. We often don’t realize how those feelings are shaping our thoughts, and then those thoughts loop back to re-enforce those feelings.
As we age, our bodies may honestly not always feel so good, increasing the likelihood that those underlying feelings may be moving our thoughts in a negative direction.
And things happening around us may also be triggering fears, worries and negative feelings.

But the other side of this is that good feelings can encourage positive thoughts, and a deeper sense that we can handle this life.

So, I’ve been noticing and thinking about happiness.

Happiness is a feeling, a very pleasant feeling.
Do we need a reason to justify feeling happy?
How about the real fact that happiness feels good, and empowers us to do and live better? Happiness helps us enjoy taking care of ourselves.

Here’s a little story:
I was heading out for a walk with Hazel, my wonderful hound.
The air was cool and the sunlight was gentle and warm.
I felt very happy.
Then out of the house came our grumpy neighbors.
I don’t enjoy them and they don’t enjoy me, and their non-response to a friendly hello communicates that.
I felt my happiness fading.
But just in time I caught my mood change and decided to refocus on my happy feelings.
Bingo!
Not only was I happy again about the cool air and warm sun and beautiful dog, I was also happy about my happiness!

So I think this is a skill for old folks (and all folks) to learn.
Can I feel grateful and happy just because I can feel happy?
Can I learn intentional happiness?
How does my body feel happy?
-Relaxed, easy smile
-Shoulders and chest relaxed
-Breathing feels smooth and full
-The ground feels firm and friendly under my feet
-What new feelings can I feel?

So, that’s my theory about happiness.

What do you think?
What stories can you share?
I look forward to some great responses!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

kayraymat | @kayraymat | May 7 7:34am
In reply to @thisismarilynb "That is more or less how I feel. It will soon be four years but the..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

That is more or less how I feel. It will soon be four years but the pain seems greater, not lesser. Unlike you I do not have friends. This has always been the case for me. I have been aware of this for years. Unhappily I do not know the reason why I do not "click." If I did I would try to do something to fix it. I am getting close to 91 years old but I am still in pretty good health. But I do not feel I am really living. I am just existing, waiting for the end.

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Yes; waiting for the end. 91 is impressive. I am not a
religious person but I think maybe I am still here because
there is something I am still supposed to do...... Maybe that is one of the universe's message to you at 91.... you have something left to do...maybe make a friend for THEIR sake.
Try a church or a food pantry where you can help your community....just don't bite anybody & maybe you will make an acquaintance.... 🙂 K

REPLY
bonnie111 | @bonnie111 | May 7 11:12am
In reply to @raebaby "I may have written about this before. I'm 83 years old. 5 years ago my husband..." + (show)
@raebaby

I may have written about this before. I'm 83 years old. 5 years ago my husband of 58 years died with Parkinson's. I was his caregiver. Time to relax, no, I developed breast cancer. Once my type was the least survivable, but Herceptin was invented somewhere along the line and after chemo, surgery and radiation, I am in remission. I got peripheral neuropathy from the chemo, but other than bad balance and scoliosis I'm doing fine. I just returned from a wonderful trip in Cancun with my daughter and her family. I was able to fly alone. Now I'm heading off to visit the man I went steady with for 3 months in the 8th grade. Have visited him before and I fly alone. When I was feeling really sad, I took to coloring with gel pens as I watch my favorite programs on TV . My two cats are a source of happiness. Look into the programs on Egyptian Tombs and other things you never had time for. Life isn't over. My doctor told me that my heart is perfect. who would have figured that when I was 79?

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You are a great inspiration to me as I sit here recovering from surgery. I really did me good to read how you still have joy in your life.

REPLY
1 reply
babbsjoy | @babbsjoy | May 7 2:51pm
In reply to @raebaby "I may have written about this before. I'm 83 years old. 5 years ago my husband..." + (show)
@raebaby

I may have written about this before. I'm 83 years old. 5 years ago my husband of 58 years died with Parkinson's. I was his caregiver. Time to relax, no, I developed breast cancer. Once my type was the least survivable, but Herceptin was invented somewhere along the line and after chemo, surgery and radiation, I am in remission. I got peripheral neuropathy from the chemo, but other than bad balance and scoliosis I'm doing fine. I just returned from a wonderful trip in Cancun with my daughter and her family. I was able to fly alone. Now I'm heading off to visit the man I went steady with for 3 months in the 8th grade. Have visited him before and I fly alone. When I was feeling really sad, I took to coloring with gel pens as I watch my favorite programs on TV . My two cats are a source of happiness. Look into the programs on Egyptian Tombs and other things you never had time for. Life isn't over. My doctor told me that my heart is perfect. who would have figured that when I was 79?

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@raebaby

I won’t go into my situation here, but it is extremely stressful and discouraging. Please know that your message really made my day, shining a light of hope and reminding me to have faith and courage. Thank you so much and blessings to you!

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1 reply
joanland | @joanland | May 7 4:37pm
In reply to @edsutton "To Everyone Here- So many wonderful messages! I am grateful for your honesty in what you..." + (show)
@edsutton

To Everyone Here-
So many wonderful messages!
I am grateful for your honesty in what you share.
We are just who we are, and sometimes it's not easy to be who we are.
Who we are is all we've got. We often struggle to carry ourselves through life.
I'm remembering a poem by Albert Einstein:
"If others often plague thee,
And do or think evil of thee,
Think how, like you, they came here
Without having asked for it.
Think, though you may not like it,
You, too, plagued others often.
Since this cannot be altered,
Think gently of everyone."

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Thanks for sharing Einstein's poem. It is a treasure.

REPLY
raebaby | @raebaby | May 7 6:45pm
In reply to @babbsjoy "@raebaby I won’t go into my situation here, but it is extremely stressful and discouraging. Please..." + (show)
@babbsjoy

@raebaby

I won’t go into my situation here, but it is extremely stressful and discouraging. Please know that your message really made my day, shining a light of hope and reminding me to have faith and courage. Thank you so much and blessings to you!

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That makes me happy to hear this. I was just reading an article on the benefits of coloring. I really, really recommend it. It is so calming, kind of puts one into a Zen state. The gel pens just flow. Sounds silly but it is really supposed to help one cognitively. Just figuring when the ink is going to run out in a pen when deciding an area to color makes the brain work. Blessings back to you! If you get discouraged write to me again. I've been there!

REPLY
edsutton | @edsutton | May 22 11:30am

I'm still learning!
I'm involved in a project to repair the gate on the community garden.
I lifted and moved a large post and realized I was going to injure my back if I didn't ask for help.
Another person (40 years younger) offered to help purchase more posts and move them to the barn for staining. I figured I'd go along and we'd do it together (and I would retain control over choice of materials!) but instead he just went ahead and did it.
Did I worry about losing control?...Yes...and then I saw that his choice of materials was at least as careful as mine would have been, and he didn't need or want my help.
I'll be back on the gate project tomorrow, but today I can go easy on my body and use my energies for personal projects. Aha!!
I'm still learning!

REPLY
1 reply
Mentor
Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | May 23 6:58pm
In reply to @edsutton "I'm still learning! I'm involved in a project to repair the gate on the community garden...." + (show)
@edsutton

I'm still learning!
I'm involved in a project to repair the gate on the community garden.
I lifted and moved a large post and realized I was going to injure my back if I didn't ask for help.
Another person (40 years younger) offered to help purchase more posts and move them to the barn for staining. I figured I'd go along and we'd do it together (and I would retain control over choice of materials!) but instead he just went ahead and did it.
Did I worry about losing control?...Yes...and then I saw that his choice of materials was at least as careful as mine would have been, and he didn't need or want my help.
I'll be back on the gate project tomorrow, but today I can go easy on my body and use my energies for personal projects. Aha!!
I'm still learning!

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I LOVE it! My Master Gardener group is bringing in more younger folks, and I welcome their ideas and energy. They on the other hand, seem to welcome our experience and sense of history. It feels great!
When we had our huge sale last week, someone must have ratted me out to my helpers - they were there to lift and tote, which was awesome.
But... I did notice that at the end of day two, only the "older" folks were left to lock up... it took me two days to recuperate from 26 hours on my feet over 2 days.

REPLY
janet77 | @janet77 | May 24 1:04pm
In reply to @kayraymat "Since my husband died, I seem to have lost my sense of purpose. I feel I..." + (show)
@kayraymat

Since my husband died, I seem to have lost my sense of purpose.
I feel I am now just waiting to die. I have friends , read, & do volunteer work
but still feel empty. K

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Hi Kay,
I saw a post in a different Mayo forum today that described the five different kinds of grief and one of them sounds like what you and one other person on this thread are experiencing. I had not heard of this before. My heart goes out to you both and I hope you might find a grief counselor to help facilitate healing❤️
Janet

Complicated Grief: A.K. A. prolonged grief disorder, where grief is intense, prolonged and significantly impacts daily life. Characterized by intense longing, inability to accept the loss and difficulty engaging in daily activities.

REPLY
lj1952 | @lj1952 | May 25 9:09am
In reply to @scottrl "My wife still smiles at me the way she did on our wedding day. Can any..." + (show)
@scottrl

My wife still smiles at me the way she did on our wedding day.

Can any man be happier than that?

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Scott, thank you for your post--the wedding photos made me feel happy! What an absolutely beautiful wedding yours was! I'm glad you have such happy memories--as well as your wife's lovely smile today.

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