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Married a Narcissist

Posted by jed1968 @jed1968, 1 day ago

Almost 25 years together and I finally let myself really believe it. Of course it was obvious all along. I imagined there were signs of caring & empathy. At the same time puzzled by the lack of it. Low self esteem. I didn’t really deserve it anyway. I know that’s wrong but it’s those feelings that got me here. I’ve got 2 amazing teenagers who are starting to question their mom’s self centerness. How do I cope?

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frouke | @frouke | 23 hours ago

I’m truly sorry for you and the situation you’re going through, I know it’s hard to live with someone who’s a narcissist for sure…I worked with a lady who is a narcissist and I had no idea what to do about having a working relationship so I started researching everything I could find out about people like her, it’s definitely not easy, she is also married with two daughters and I felt bad for her family, there’s nothing you can do about this situation because they don’t change and worst of all they don’t care what you think. I know that her husband controls the household and took most of the responsibility for the girls, he’s a great guy and stayed with her because he felt obligated to do so for the sake of his family. I think that if you’re having trouble coping then I would suggest trying therapy, if she doesn’t want to go then you should do it for yourself and your children, it will help you a lot to understand how to deal with this and most importantly the children will understand more and find ways to cope with this situation, best wishes.

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1 reply
jed1968 | @jed1968 | 21 hours ago
In reply to @frouke "I’m truly sorry for you and the situation you’re going through, I know it’s hard to..." + (show)
@frouke

I’m truly sorry for you and the situation you’re going through, I know it’s hard to live with someone who’s a narcissist for sure…I worked with a lady who is a narcissist and I had no idea what to do about having a working relationship so I started researching everything I could find out about people like her, it’s definitely not easy, she is also married with two daughters and I felt bad for her family, there’s nothing you can do about this situation because they don’t change and worst of all they don’t care what you think. I know that her husband controls the household and took most of the responsibility for the girls, he’s a great guy and stayed with her because he felt obligated to do so for the sake of his family. I think that if you’re having trouble coping then I would suggest trying therapy, if she doesn’t want to go then you should do it for yourself and your children, it will help you a lot to understand how to deal with this and most importantly the children will understand more and find ways to cope with this situation, best wishes.

Jump to this post

Thanks for your empathy! I need it. She told me she won’t go to therapy but maybe we can do something as a couple like take a ceramics class. So it’s solo therapy for me.

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | 21 hours ago
In reply to @jed1968 "Thanks for your empathy! I need it. She told me she won’t go to therapy but..." + (show)
@jed1968

Thanks for your empathy! I need it. She told me she won’t go to therapy but maybe we can do something as a couple like take a ceramics class. So it’s solo therapy for me.

Jump to this post

@jed1968 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I believe I am married to a narcissist, also. As @frouke suggested, if couples therapy is not an option ["there's nothing wrong with me! I think you're the problem!"], please reach out and seek some help for yourself and your daughters.

Single therapy can be very beneficial. It has helped me.
Ginger

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dlydailyhope | @dlydailyhope | 1 hour ago

@jed1968
I think the best you can do at this point is get individual counseling for you and your teens. See if your wife would be willing to go for couples/family counseling.

My parents were both narcissistic and my mother was also very emotionally immature. I have had many struggles throughout life because my parents were very narcissistic.

It is hard to change a narcissist so it is not really worth the effort. You want to focus on what you can change/control yourself.
1. https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-marriage-problems.html
2. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/married-to-a-narcissist/
3. https://psychologydiary.com/relationships/98685169/2025/04/narcissist-2/
4. https://mindpsychiatrist.com/what-is-it-like-to-be-married-to-a-narcissist/

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1 reply
jed1968 | @jed1968 | 1 hour ago
In reply to @dlydailyhope "@jed1968 I think the best you can do at this point is get individual counseling for..." + (show)
@dlydailyhope

@jed1968
I think the best you can do at this point is get individual counseling for you and your teens. See if your wife would be willing to go for couples/family counseling.

My parents were both narcissistic and my mother was also very emotionally immature. I have had many struggles throughout life because my parents were very narcissistic.

It is hard to change a narcissist so it is not really worth the effort. You want to focus on what you can change/control yourself.
1. https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-marriage-problems.html
2. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/married-to-a-narcissist/
3. https://psychologydiary.com/relationships/98685169/2025/04/narcissist-2/
4. https://mindpsychiatrist.com/what-is-it-like-to-be-married-to-a-narcissist/

Jump to this post

Thank you. I will click those links the second I stop typing here!

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chrisuk | @chrisuk | 48 minutes ago

Oh dear i feel for you!!ive never seen men post this type of thing before im sure many guys keep quiet and suffer so well done getting this off your chest!!i thought female narcs were called missandrists.good luck with your journey just be best dad you can and try bypass the bad stuff

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