Recovering from loss: How do I get back to my old self?

K -- I too will be interested in any responses. My wife passed away unexpectedly 13 weeks ago, and we were married for 52 years. I too have been thinking about how to live the rest of my life in some meaningful way. My adult children have suggested being a volunteer in some manner. I agree with you, I think grief does not end, I believe it just changes over time. For me, it is still early. Yet looking forward, having a purpose will be important. Just need to find it. Best to you.

@susanjane77 Thank you for your very kind words. The heavy rock still exists since it has been only a short period of time. I look forward to the day it begins to feel lighter. I do belong to a GriefShare support group, and I also belong to an in-person support group. They meet one day a week for those who lost a spouse or partner. I joined the in-person group 5 weeks after she passed away knowing I'd need to talk with folks who understand the depth of losing a spouse. I was in shock for about 2 weeks. The morning in which she passed away, we were to leave NJ and go to Florida for a 10-day cruise. My family and I were blessed in that she passed at home with no pain, not sick, she had a cardiac arrest in her sleep. You helped me in more than a small way and I'll keep in mind your comments. I am sure you find being a facilitator rewarding and helpful in your own grief, Thanks again. Ed

Ed, thank you for your note. I am so sorry that your wife died unexpectedly. But, for what it is worth, she did not suffer. It still does not help that she is no longer with you. I know that you will continue to honor her and she will always be with you.

I wish you the very best and please stay in touch if possible. You will be in my thoughts. Susan

@sharroncobb Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect.

It's rarely an easy road when we lose a family member, whether it was sudden or due to a long term illness. It takes time to come to grips with the "missing piece" in our life now, isn't it? Perhaps there were things you didn't get a chance to say, or some plan that you feel you'll not be able to see through. I get that. Have you tried writing a letter to your dad, telling him how much you think of him, and about the void in your life? Tell him what is going on in your life now, and how you are struggling. Perhaps seeing it in writing, you will be able to understand how deeply affected you are.

Be gentle on yourself. Let your family and boyfriend know that you appreciate their efforts, and it doesn't go unnoticed. Let them know how they support you, and ways they can continue to support you as you grieve. Does this sound like something you can try?
Ginger

Writing is an excellent idea. I started writing prayers some years ago and learned that when you put your thoughts on paper you go a lot deeper. You think more about what you are writing, brush up on grammar and spelling also which is great exercise for the mind. Also I started singing my prayers in the morning and just make the words up as I go. More like a poem with a little tune to it. You’ll be surprised at what beautiful things you’ll come up with. Some will bring tear to your eye. Of course my singing is enough to make anyone cry😂😂😂. Try it….

My husband died a little over 4 years ago. It does leave a huge void in your life and a hole in your heart. Just no, it could take
Much time to work past the worst of it. You never really did. I'll get over that though you just learn to go on in spite of it

I was 14 when my Dad died and I was a Daddy's girl. It tore me apart and at that age and back in 1964, there was no help for me. My mother was in her own grief so I really didn't get much consoling from her. I was just left to deal with it however I could. Well, I'm 72 now and I don't think I ever really did so now that I'm older I have lost many many more. My brother in 1978 he was 36 married with 2 boys. Both parents, brother, grandparents and aunts and uncles and two babies are gone and many friends recently. How do you deal, it's life. I have no answers obviously, I'm here! I was able to deal with anxiety somewhat in earlier years but now seem to be having a harder time. My heart goes out to you, I know the pain but I wish I had some wisdom for you. I'm trying meds and therapy, so far no real help from meds and therapy should have started many years ago. The one thing I can pass on, make as many friends as you can because as you get older you lose them too. Keep active, join organizations or a church where you always have people. That helps you the most I think. Good luck, sincerely.

I don't think you ever get back to the way you were. My husband died 2-1/2 years ago. It was not expected. We were married for 59 years and together for 62 years. How can you expect things to "get back" after a lifetime of being together? I have had grief counselling, but I am still in deep depression and mourning and I expect I always will be.