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My Anger is overwhelming
I'm so angry. I've felt this way off and on for 3 years and that was before my Crohn's diagnosis and my cancer diagnosis. I don't have a clue where its coming from. I've been in therapy since 2021. I've worked with 2 different therapists with different approaches. I'm taking buspirone. I used to take an Lexapro but that didn't help me.
Since my cancer diagnosis the anger is more intense. I fired my GI I'm constantly thinking about firing my oncologist. I haven't stopped any cancer therapy. I'm focused on my health. I'm doing things to strengthen my body. I think that's one positive thing that I do.
Sometimes I think about selling everything and move away to be by myself. I honestly don't think I would miss anyone, except my daughter.
I have days that are worse than others. Today is an exceptionally bad day. There was no trigger. I woke up angry.
I've been told anger is a secondary emotion that help us deal with other emotions. I don't know what it would be. It's not depression. I think one of the therapist would have identified depression.
My anger is so in your face other people dont want to hear what I'm saying not do they understand. That's probably why they don't want to hear me talk about the things and people that agitated me.
I'm writing in my journal trying to calm myself. I post here regularly for an outlet.
When I'm angry I'm either fierce or I cry. It's confusing. It's lonely when I'm not alone. I don't drink anymore. So it's not alcohol. I just don't know what else I should be doing.
I used to be a very happy person. I've never been easy going. I've always had passion for my work and now I couldn't careless. I hate this. I hate that I'm a different person. I'm some one I don't even know anymore.
I sometimes think I'm angry about the way my life turned out. Honestly on the surface I've done pretty well for myself and my daughter.
I think maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't like being me.
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I have been working very hard at getting past anger. A friend i met here in this forum sent me an article about chemo brain and anger. Have that information seemed to be helpful also. Today I'm in such a different place than I was when I wrote this piece. I actually doing very well at the mment.
Denise
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8 ReactionsI made an error on the year. It was 2022 for the nscc diagnosis. Just got past the covid years then got sick with this. But I am doing well on the targeted therapy.
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1 ReactionDon't feel bad as my cancer cause me to be arrest via FedEx DRiver was nasty which the police witness but I was the one arrested. D A dismissed the charges and comment about how out of aline the police were in giving me the arrest SHould have been the Fed EX driver. Since then Fed Ex will not deliver here as they do not make mistakes which is not true as by accident they have delivered here twice Chewy went around with them for over a month and Fed Ex would not budge on their do not deliver to this address. If they want to be a butt head that is fine there are other delivery services So keep you chin up as there are lots of toads out there wanting to make your life difficult but there are ways to beat them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I definitely know how you’re feeling. I hate always feeling hate. I’m angry all the time. I have stopped my HRT and have very little estrogen. Menopause? Probably. I’m 61 and have been on HRT since 50. But my anger is the thing. I’m not angry about the cancer. I don’t know what I’m angry about. If I dwell on it though it gets worse. I have to try and occupy my mind with other stuff. Helps a little. Idk what to tell you. I’m on bupropion as anti depressant. It’s like “whatever”.
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1 ReactionNot sure I have anger but definitely feel I have aged since diagnosis Jan '25 and starting treatments. Took short term disability which will probably go into long term disability for this year with treatments. Give myself daily to do lists- hard going from working full time to lots of free time.
Think the "unknown" is a bit scary but then again no one knows what's ahead whether we have cancer or not.
One day at a time... 🙏🏻
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3 ReactionsAnger may be an expression of depression. While we get medical help, we often overlook mental health. Pls be kind to yourself and find a psychiatrist who may be able to help you manage your anger which is distressing you. (I went through a very bad period during a long term illness.) It may take weeks to get relief from medication, but you deserve to feel better emotionally. You are worth checking out every avenue to help yourself.
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3 ReactionsI’m always struggling with anxiety and often depression mixed with anger issues. I don’t know when it began, I got cancer right after the pandemic started and later I got covid which turned into long covid, somehow I dealt with it and because you have no other choice but I was changing inside and I didn’t realize it until later when stronger symptoms were coming out. I suppose that it’s not uncommon to reevaluate your life when you’re going through so much pain and anxiety and I didn’t like what I was seeing and hearing, my family and friends were not very supportive of me and this was the toughest thing I had to deal with. Someone said that this can happen and it does because cancer and other illnesses can bring out problems that I have been pushing away when I lead a more productive life, I was always busy with little time to dwell on things, I sure miss those days.