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Shock of a cancer diagnosis: It changes life of patient & family

Posted by angelicajoy21 @angelicajoy21, Apr 22 9:23am

My husband was diagnose last Monday with Pancreatic cancer. He will be having a biopsy on Friday. Its hard to comprehend how this awful disease has changed mine and our children's life. I feel helpless most of the time. I try to be strong but my emotions are all over the place. I have watched my husband go from being healthy (pretty much) 2 months ago to a frail person. He seems to accept this god awful cancer better than me. I want to be in denial but i know realistically im just fooling myself. In the meantime I will be encouraging the protein drinks and eating ( he will eat at least one meal).

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jolo24 (Joe) | @jolo24 | May 5 3:51pm

@angelicajoy21,
I am so sorry to hear of your husbands diagnosis. Many of us understand and I, for one have walked your path. Denial, anger at God, bargaining, depression, acceptance and finally war against the disease are all normal reactions. It is difficult to watch. I am in year 4 of my wife's diagnosis and the range of emotions are like that of a roller coaster. I agree to do some research. Its important to know what the oncologist is talking about as alot of this flew over my head from the onset of my wifes diagnosis. I also agree to seek mental help if it becomes overwhelming. Your own sanity is needed to help guide your loved one and your family through the ugly process. I wish you all the best and pray for a tolerable outcome for you and your family.

REPLY
angelicajoy21 | @angelicajoy21 | May 5 5:35pm
In reply to @colleenyoung "@angelicajoy21, you're so right. The shock of a cancer diagnosis obviously is really hard for the..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

@angelicajoy21, you're so right. The shock of a cancer diagnosis obviously is really hard for the person with the diagnosis. But it also affects those around them, especially loved ones who support and care for them. I expanded the title of your discussion to reflect this as I know you are not alone.

In fact, @jenkins wrote about the feeling of helplessness as a caregiver in this related discussion that you may appreciate:
- Support for caregivers: I feel helpless not being able to fix things https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/support-for-caregivers/

Angelica, it is only natural that your emotions are all over the place, including denial. I agree with @mcharlesfrancis that you can add hope to your thoughts too. Hope may look different now, but it is not gone.

How did the biopsy go? What are next steps for treatment? How are you and your children doing today?

Jump to this post

The biopsy went well. The results are what we expected his tumor is malignant. Next step is seeing an oncologist and then a surgeon. We decided to do chemo and will see if he wants surgery. It’s hard making decisions especially not knowing what the outcome will be. But we must always have hope.

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Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | May 5 5:43pm
In reply to @jeeplewis "When first diagnosed I was advised by my oncology team to avoid the internet EXCEPT for..." + (show)
@jeeplewis

When first diagnosed I was advised by my oncology team to avoid the internet EXCEPT for trusted sites like Mayo, Cleveland Clinic and Pancreatic Cancer Advocacy Network. It was good advice.

Jump to this post

@jeeplewis Yes, very good point. There are reliable websites on the internet such as Mayo Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, American Cancer Society, and MD Anderson. These websites provide valid advice. Just googling which is what asking Dr. Google translates into brings up all sorts of stuff that may or may not be reliable and valid. So, it's very important to look carefully at the source of information.

@angelicajoy21 I do understand your fear as we, in our household, have been in the same place as you and such a diagnosis changes everything. I hope you will talk with a counselor - that may be a social worker at the unit where your husband's oncologist is located, a psychologist or pastoral counseling.

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