Dying Well

@rickcola Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect.

As @cynthiaftaylor said, getting these forms are a simple task. Make sure they are the correct ones for your state! The link here is for California, and may not apply to you. Put into Google, DNR and POLST for [your state] https://emsa.ca.gov/dnr_and_polst_forms/

As a gentle reminder, make it clear to family, friends, and your medical team, of your wishes. Ask your doctor to make a note in your history with these decisions. Keep the original POLST form available for family to access if they need to. Recently, in a town close to us, there was an incident. Because the patient had a POLST, and the family member knew where it was and presented it to responding paramedics, patient's wishes were upheld.

For me, I have both the DNR and POLST registered with my providers. DNR is included as a line item on my medical alert bracelet.
Ginger

Thank you very much
Will definitely follow up on

Thanks for adding that reminder. I keep a copy at home, and a photocopy in my car. My PCP has a copy in my files. In my state a photocopy of the original form is acceptable.

Some things I've done in preparation for dying:
A prepaid contract with the Neptune Society. All arrangements have been made and paid for collection of my body, filing of legal papers, funeral services and cremation. One phone call to the Neptune Society is all that is needed. < https://neptunesociety.com&gt;
I've made a simple box to hold my cremains with the cremains of by beloved dog, Hazel. I do need to talk with friends to ask their help in mixing and spreading our ashes along our favorite walk in the woods.
If I die first, Hazel's foster parents have agreed to adopt her.
I've completed the Get It Together notebook from Nolo Press. All the information and documents that will be needed to finish my business are in this book, in a fireproof container, and people know about it.
< https://www.nolo.com/search/products?query=Get+It+together&sub=www&gt;
I constantly try to reduce my possessions and bring order to what I keep. That's the hardest task!

Dying well? I do not want to die of Alzheimer's. Not only would I just be a body waiting to fail, the money I want to leave to my daughter would be drained, possibly to nothing, paying for my care. In my sate (WA), you can choose (ahead of time) to be "transitioned" by **having both food and water withheld**, which is unbelievably cruel. Even if you've indicated in a formal, witnessed, signed document, that suicide or assisted suicide is what you want, our culture can't deal with purposeful death. (Although it's OK to euthanize your pets.) I would like to have physician-assisted suicide, even if I'm not functional enough to start the drip myself. A previous formal, signed, witnessed document should be enough to allow one to avoid the pain, expense, and family grief of dying by Alzheimer's (or other dementia).

I have read the original post many times ... just to be sure I understand what the writer is talking about -- even if the title may be too wide to encompass what it means. And so to me the third sentence clears any doubt: "But this is the first time in my eight decades that I feel lonely. I would love to share feelings, experiences, etc. with other like minded folks, but no one in my periphery shares my joy at looking forward to the transition."

Now loneliness is problem at Any age, and many believe it's most widespread among the teens to early twenties. But it's the second highest among we-the-old. And I'd think that especially so after one is done with what we had planned for after taking retirement. So it's in this post-post retirement stage which sees the Big Closure, staring unblinkingly in your face. This is what makes this phase of life SO pressingly important to find a way out of the Loneliness that one feels having no one to talk about how to make this last phase spent most meaningfully so you don't feel you wasted This Last Chance.

I've tried to understand what makes people Not Connect when they actually Want to Connect. Loneliness is compared to physical hunger; our physical markers of health plunge when we are lonely. A test was done by making socially-connected people hypnotized to feel lonely, resulting in HBP and other symptoms in a recent New York Times article.

So WHY are people so averse to Connect?
It seems deep down they feel As If everyone will find out that they have No Friends, a finding rarely written about but I have researched this subject for a few years now and only four places out of hundred plus article I have read point to this reason. Yes, I read/listen about this issue a lot.

But why the old-like-us who have nothing to lose are still scared of this phantom fear?
In the two recent seniors meetup groups I belong to I see this writ-large: people sign up (with photos) but 4 of 5 don't show up, nor bother to tell why.

Yet the 'hunger' is too strong to keep me in check. I'm going to keep trying.
(BTW, Aristotle didn't say for no reason: Life without a friend is not worth-living) And Socrates died among loving friends.

I hear ya! And also believe there should be a pain-free, gentle way to leave this life.

Me too.

I am still trying to understand what requests or needs HappyKC was bringing forth in opening of this topic.
Some vagueness or flexibility may be very appropriate in a request for conversation, so this is not a criticism.

I can try to move this forward by just sharing some of my need for human relationship as best I can express it.
My life history includes many yearnings which I often could not express clearly, some moments of wondrous connection, and many moments of "pretty darned good."

Life involves limits, sufferings and frustrations.
In general it seems to me best to try to address these without causing further distress for others.
Considerable difficulty can occur when my coping mechanisms and another person's coping mechanisms are incompatible.
I don't maintain any "softening beliefs." I did not exist before 1949, and similarly I won't exist after my death. Any reference to "after my death" will only exist for other people who remember me. "I" won't be around to remember "me."
It behooves me to experience and enjoy life (including "me") while I can. These experiences are ultimately limited, though I don't know exactly when that limit will occur.

One of my best enjoyments is enjoying other people with whom I can share honestly about our experiences and conundrums. I am deeply grateful for these people, some of whom are very young, some very old. (Each year it gets harder to find people who are older than me!)

Perhaps one of the hardest things for me has been to learn how much to say and when to accept that we've reached the limit of sharing, and to move on graciously and honestly when that limit has been reached. It is a sad moment for me when I realize that I cannot always share things I find wonderful with people I love. Post 75 years, I'm still learning about that!

HappyKC, I hope this will be in some way a response to your request.

Ed

WOW!!!! Thank you everyone! What a wonderful response. I sure never expected to see that many replies. I am so very grateful for everyone's wonderful support and input. My inbox runneth over! I may try to follow up with anyone who asked a specific question, but I'm in sloth mode these days, and a bit overwhelmed. I'm so glad I joined this group, great folks. Bless you all and have a great life. Peace and Every Good, Happy KC