1. < Just Want to Talk

should I break up with my boyfriend? I did it.

Posted by help541 @help541, Apr 30 11:28am

Hi,
My boyfriend pressures me to do things I don't want to do... like s3x and stuff. He can also get super mad and angry to the point that he slams things. He's a gentleman and treats me well, other than the pressuring part. I've been starting to lose feeling for him. He's a senior in high school, and I'm a junior. He's graduating in a week and a half. Next year he will be at college, and I want to focus on my senior year and not on a boyfriend. We've been dating for 6 months, and I don't want to break his heart, but I also don't want to lead him on.

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help541 | @help541 | May 1 11:29am
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@help541 You are the best judge of you. Since your feelings for your boyfriend are very..." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@help541 You are the best judge of you. Since your feelings for your boyfriend are very ambivalent primarily because he pressures you to do things you do not want to do then I suggest you talk with a mental health therapist or a trusted adult (probably not your mother at this point in time) and work out how you are feeling. I do not recommend putting his love to the test by by tricking him into the jewelry store ruse. Why? Because it is dishonest. For your own personal growth I think it is better to work out how to best honest with yourself and your boyfriend. This will be helpful to you as you learn to navigate relationships in your future.

One last thought. He will be graduating soon, right? You can certainly break up with him, if you want, by telling him you want "space" while he is away at college. In this way, you are being honest because you do want space and at least he won't be in your daily life. Of course there is summer ahead and I don't know when he plans to leave for college. This is a good time, as I wrote above, to examine your feelings and how you want to proceed.

Finally, assuming you have said "no" many times when your boyfriend pressures you then he does not respect your personal boundaries. I am a woman and I can honestly tell you that from experience you will advance into adulthood as a strong woman if you start now.

Let me know what you think about what I wrote and what you decide, OK?

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i broke up with him yesterday, and he took it well.

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2 replies
Scott R L | @scottrl | May 1 12:11pm
In reply to @help541 "i broke up with him yesterday, and he took it well." + (show)
@help541

i broke up with him yesterday, and he took it well.

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Good for you!

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Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | May 1 3:02pm
In reply to @help541 "i broke up with him yesterday, and he took it well." + (show)
@help541

i broke up with him yesterday, and he took it well.

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@help541 Thank you for letting me know. It's possible he may try to come back and try to get you back in his life. If that happens, remind yourself why you broke up with him and stay strong in yourself and what is best for you.

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willows | @willows | May 2 4:53am

Remember, you don’t owe him any explanation for your decision to leave him, if you decide to do that. The decision is yours and yours alone.

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mikayla | @mikaylar | May 2 12:06pm

I think you a answered your own question

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help541 | @help541 | May 14 10:44am

Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because I didn't have the same feelings, and he also pushed me to do things that I didn't want to do. We dated for 6 months, so going through the breakup was hard. I had thoughts of Is this the right move? Today, not even a week later, I see him wrapped around another girl, that other girl being my close friend.. I probably shouldn't care, but I think to myself, if he can "move on" this fast and date my friend, does that mean he could have had feelings for her while we dated? Should I confront my friend.. or my now ex? or leave it alone

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4 replies
gently | @gently | May 14 1:46pm
In reply to @help541 "Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because..." + (show)
@help541

Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because I didn't have the same feelings, and he also pushed me to do things that I didn't want to do. We dated for 6 months, so going through the breakup was hard. I had thoughts of Is this the right move? Today, not even a week later, I see him wrapped around another girl, that other girl being my close friend.. I probably shouldn't care, but I think to myself, if he can "move on" this fast and date my friend, does that mean he could have had feelings for her while we dated? Should I confront my friend.. or my now ex? or leave it alone

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help541, leave it.
Sorry about your close friend, though. And for her.
She may have just thought that you didn't have feelings for him anymore.
He may be trying to make you jealous.
I think you should stay close to her. She'll need the support of a friend, as she'll be suffering the pressure to do what she doesn't want to do. I would say don't ever degrade him in front of her, but you aren't asking that.
I still think you made the best move.

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blt50 | @blt50 | May 14 3:03pm
In reply to @help541 "Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because..." + (show)
@help541

Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because I didn't have the same feelings, and he also pushed me to do things that I didn't want to do. We dated for 6 months, so going through the breakup was hard. I had thoughts of Is this the right move? Today, not even a week later, I see him wrapped around another girl, that other girl being my close friend.. I probably shouldn't care, but I think to myself, if he can "move on" this fast and date my friend, does that mean he could have had feelings for her while we dated? Should I confront my friend.. or my now ex? or leave it alone

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I went through a similar experience with a guy I dated. He would call every day but never was available to do things, he’d cancel at last minute. I really cared for him but decided it was not the way I wanted to be treated, and decided to end it. It was really hard to do bland I questioned my decision too. There were reasons why you decided to end it and be happy you were honest with yourself and the other girl is not you and that’s okay. Trust yourself and be true to your choices. Hang in there and you will be stronger for it.👍

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | May 14 4:22pm
In reply to @help541 "Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because..." + (show)
@help541

Hi everyone,
My boyfriend and I broke up last week. I broke up with him because I didn't have the same feelings, and he also pushed me to do things that I didn't want to do. We dated for 6 months, so going through the breakup was hard. I had thoughts of Is this the right move? Today, not even a week later, I see him wrapped around another girl, that other girl being my close friend.. I probably shouldn't care, but I think to myself, if he can "move on" this fast and date my friend, does that mean he could have had feelings for her while we dated? Should I confront my friend.. or my now ex? or leave it alone

Jump to this post

@help541, I applaud you that you were able to make the decision you needed to make and end an unhealthy relationship. I moved your new question to your original post about the break-up to connect with the people from who you got encouraging advice here:
- should I break up with my boyfriend? I did it. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/should-i-break-up-with-my-boyfriend/

While it hurts to see him move on, you made the decision that you needed to make to move forward and find a healthy, loving relationship with someone in the future. Confronting your ex would not bring closure. Instead think about what relationship you may wish to have with your friend, like @gently suggested.

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blt50 | @blt50 | May 14 6:56pm

Be careful, it appears there may be anger issues in this person. Pay attention to this, it could threaten your safety. There is a lot of abuse in our world today. Be safe.

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