Brain cancer caregiver

Posted by marney @marney, 2 days ago

Help! My friend whom I've been with her all the way caring for her taking her to dr, etc. Now she is in stage 4 --her breast cancer has gone to her brain, lung, and one kidney. She had surgery a year and a half ago but 6 months ago stopped all treatment. I am her Medical POA. She is under hospice care nurses visit her two times a week. Not long ago she had a seizure and up until that time was driving ( not at all) Hospice doctor took her license away two weeks ago but she was still sneaking out driving. Yesterday the hospice nurse took her keys away and gave them to me. She had moved from her home into a camp trailer she owned on a friend's property. Last week I waited for her at that camper for the hospice nurse, but my friend never showed up. Her car was there so I thought someone had picked her up. Come to find out she had moved into someone elses home. I know the couple where she moved to but no one bothered to tell me until yesterday the hospice nurse called to say my friend gave them a different address and she had moved a week ago.
The lady where she is staying does not like some of the friends that have been very helpful to me the past few years and will not let them see my friend..I should call her Kay.
The lady where she is now living told me that she had a cashiers check in her purse and that she had sold Kay's camper and was asking me where she should put the cash.
But my issue now that I would like help with is this....when the hospice nurse took the keys away she gave them to me as I had mental and health and financial POA I took the keys home but got a phone call a few hours later from the lady that Kay is staying with. She said Kay was having a fit and that I should bring the keys back so that she could calm her down by saying keys were there. Kay's mental / cognitive decline has been severe so far..she is dillusional, angy and tells us that someone has been stealing her car at night and driving it . She looses things and blames me for all of it, even thinks I tattled to the dr so he would take her license and also thinks I told the nurse to take her keys.
I am not going to take her car keys back to that house. I have been dealing with Kay's irrational outburst and they go away sooner or later she forgets, but this lady she is staying with had no idea what Kay's condition was until after she moved her in to her home and finally after one week she told me Kay was there, that's when I told her of Kay's complete condition.
I'm not going to take those keys to her to "hide them from Kay' I just don't trust Kay from talking her into giving them to her as she was driving all over after seizures and this mental decline.
Am I doing the right thing? Is Kay needing some anziety meds to help her cope with decisions like this?

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celia16 | @celia16 | 2 days ago

Man, that’s unfortunate. Has Hospice indicated how long your friend might have left? I would be inclined to say get a legal opinion to review the document and current situation. Do you have Durable POA and/or Healthcare POA. They are different. People have the right to revoke a POA….so, I’d get a legal opinion. Sorry, you are dealing with this.

Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | 2 days ago

@marney Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. No doubt you will see more responses from people who may be in similar circumstances to your situation.

You have medical POA, is this all encompassing? What do her care team doctors have to say? Are they recommending anti-anxiety medications, or could her outbursts and all be side effects of her current medications?

Having financial/mental POA gives you the ability to help Kay a lot. You said "had", is this no longer the case? Have you explained to the lady where Kay is staying, the POA agreements you have for Kay? While that lady can say who she will allow in her house, hopefully the fact some of these people have been a help to you in working with Kay in her condition will override the restrictions!

If there has been a revocation of any of the POAs, ask for proof, not just "say so". Check with the hospice team and get their input also. They are a wealth of knowledge.
Ginger