Sinking ship

You srd on a difficult journey, for sure, @janiemae During my wife’s illness of almost a decade and s half, it helped me immeasurably to say to myself “She has the toughest part of this. She’s facing the end of her life everyday.”

This helped me to keep my irritation with my life in better perspective. It also
Powered me through many of the toughest days.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

Really, he is someone else right now, so don't take
it personally. Once he is gone, you will miss the
husband you married & forget the ill patient he
became. Ask your librarian & / or doctor
for some good books to read regarding your
situation as you are not alone or unique in your
suffering. Good luck. K

In today's NYT there is a good article about dementia. Even without a subscription you can view ?10? articles a month. http://www.nytimes.com "the new old age section" subsection of Health

When They Don’t Recognize You Anymore
People with dementia often forget even close family members as the disease advances. “It can throw people into an existential crisis,” one expert said.

Wow, I just joined this group a minute ago. Your post is the first one I read and it describes my life to a T. Cooking for my brother, just to toss in the trash has taken over my life for 3 years now! So sorry you're going thru the same.

@jkusch40 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I hope you’ll read can find and share some good tips with other members. What brought you to MCC?

@jkusch40, caregiving comes with many challenges. It sounds like your brother is not eating. Can you tell us a bit more about what is going on? What condition is your brother living with that makes eating a challenge? How are YOU doing?

You are not going crazy... even if you feel like it.. it's so hard to be a caregiver..I did this for my husband while he was on hospice..and he had made me promise not to let anyone see him (he was diagnosed about a year prior terminal cancer and I worked until about a month and a half before he passed).. people don't understand..until.. I remember he wanted to go outside one night..and I said "honey where are you going"..(he wasn't allowed out .. by me.. since my neighbor found him flopping around by the gate he had opened for me to drive in) and he just looked so confused and said "I don't know".. and I said why don't you go into the living room..for awhile.. one time he was laying in bed and I was trying to get him to sit up and take his medication.. he said "just can't do it boys"..and I barked out SGT CHUCULATE (our last name) you sit up and take it like a man.. he raised up and opened his mouth and took it.. (he was back in Nam.. 100% DAV Vietnam veteran ..Army Infantry 68-69..heavy combat). another time he was hollering "get me outa this bed (hospice bed in the living room and I ran out to the road to get the mail (we live way out in the country).. he had managed to get one side of the bed down..so I had to make special arrangements with our mail carrier.. orange tape on the box flag.. binoculars to see when it was delivered.. his sister called on time and wanted some of the nephews to come see him..and they kept me waiting real late and I called her and told her tell them not to come.. she said "why not".. I said cause he's finally asleep and I'm coloring my hair so I won't be gray headed at his funeral.. people have no idea.. you are probably thinking you are going crazy..it sure feels that way.. I am giving you the biggest hug possible!! Please remain strong!! They don't mean what they say.. He once took a jar of oranges instead of a Pepsi to ride to the VA (niece was here and she said /something's wrong with Uncle..I said well.. just don't tell him.. he gets embarrassed..I'll get the Pepsi...my heart goes out to you!! You just keep doing the best you can.. and know that God is with you and sees you and will help you!! I will pray for you!!

after 25 rounds of radiation....food and drinks may not taste the same...in fact may taste lousy...its not you...
very hard to deal with all the changes without seeking outside help...cancer centers offer counseling , social services, etc...reach out and find out what is available to both of you...there may be a nurse coordinator for your husbands care, that can help , but you need to confide in her and show her what is going on...its not you, its not him, its the huge life change....please get outside help

Hello. I know how you feel. I usually put a pillow up to my face and scream! Sometimes I cry in the shower. The odd thing is he can be mean one moment and then the next time the phone rings he is nice as can be to whomever it may be. I have to write down everything just to remember our appointments. His brother called today and he said you need to be thankful and show me how much he appreciates what I do.I am so tired most of the time.I feel your pain, frustration . My spouse pulled the same with food..but different as he wants me to fix everything he wants. I just happen to be there. My heart goes out to you.Why are the women usually the caregiver. I feel like a have a child sometimes. When he gets to be to much I go into another room. Prayers to you and your family. 🫂

I was the caregiver for my wife but only for a few months. Once her main chemo was over (She's still on maintenance chemo now.), and she started recovering, she took over again and wouldn't let me do things. I am thankful she feels good enough to do more. Now I'm the lazy drone again.