Hi, @wildcat. Thanks for sharing your experience, and for bringing up this challenging question about writing and meeting donor family. I want to ask you to post this same question in the groups that Colleen has referenced above because it is directly related to those discussion title/topics, and will generate a wider audience for members. It is less visible here because it is embedded the "Changes..." conversation here. I hope that makes sense.

- Also if you will open the link, and make a post (copy and paste) it will bring the top of the Transplant Group Discussion activity.

I have added the discussions here. I look forward to continuing this conversation in one of the following.
– Writing to Your Donor's Family https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/writing-to-your-donors-family/ Did you hear back?
– Letter to donor family: I'm not sure how to start https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/letter-to-donor-family/ @edwinswife ask for assistance.

Hi @wildcat, Rosemary is right. You're response is just perfect. I hope that you will join the other discussion about writing to your donor. Here's how:

1. Click this link https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/letter-to-donor-family/
2. Read through the messages.
3. Add a message with your thoughts and questions.

@wildcat In the USA the donor's family retain the right to remain anonymous. That is why, even though we are encouraged to write a letter to the donor's family, we may never hear back or find out anything more than, like you, sex and age. In my case the donor's family used contact with recipients as part of their healing process. Not everyone handles grief the same way. It has helped me to know the circumstances of my donor's death and learn about their family. I learned about the accomplishments, activities, and plans of my donor. Most helpful was finding out how/why she died. Knowing that it was a traffic accident with no fault on anyone's part helped me know that I received an organ from an intelligent, caring and determined young woman who intended to help everyone she could in every way that she could -- even after death. I am not pleased that she died, but I am forever grateful that her family honored her wishes and gave me a young, healthy and almost perfectly matched pancreas. They also provided her heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, eyes and tissues both for immediate transplant and for research. Who knows just how far-reaching this young woman's reach has grown by her selfless gift following her demise. I am honored to have been helped by such a young woman with such deep thoughts and plans.

@wildcat as @2011panc commented, often little is known, it’s up to the donor family and recipient, how much they wish to divulge. I wrote a letter of gratitude to my donor’s family and they responded, almost a year later, and told me quite a bit including her name, and signed their names. Like your donor, my donor was a very caring young woman, and very healthy. Her death was due
to bad management at the hospital ER so her widower has been very vocal and is trying to get legislation passed to guarantee this will never happen again. Of course when I saw an article in the paper I immediately recognized her name.
I think my case is highly unusual though.

Speaking of labs too, mine just moved from every month to every other month. I am almost three years post transplant. I have them drawn locally and then they are brought by courier, “stat”, to their lab in MA which gets the results right to Mass General. It’s great because I have them available that afternoon, usually by 2:00!
JK