1. < Depression & Anxiety

How hard is living with a toxic parent ??

Posted by brokensoul95 @brokensoul95, Apr 4 12:30pm

My mom "used" to be my hero..my role model ,my pillar of strength but she has now turned into someone i hate to love ,i grew up thinking a mother has to be a girl child's best friend someone she could open up to someone she could get advises from , someone who could have her back no matter what, someone who'll always be there but my mom is the opposite of all that ,my mom only has 2 kids my older brother and i ,which my brother is the favourite child because he's educated and im not i only finished my matric abd didn't get good marks which i would qualify to be a doctor too instead i gave up on my dreams because no one believed in me , everytime i get reminded of how proud she is of him and everyone in our community knows about the doctor "son" and she hardly even speaks of me and i don't blame her because im just a failure ,my mom often uses words like "im tired of hearing people talking about you, you're such an embarrassment you never do any good you always make mistakes and you're such a disappointment im even ashamed to call you my child ,i really don't know why I don't get used to her attitude because it's always been a thing i experience everyday ever since high school when i was 13 im now 21 but i still get so hurt and disappointed by her cold attitude towards me , sometimes i just wish i could get a job even if i was a cleaner just so i can go far away from her and start my own life and have my own home i really hate my mom she makes me go through hell and i hate it I've thought of commiting suicide so many times but one day i might just do it because im tired of crying the whole night im tired of being a burden im tired of being a disappointment and im tired of being shown that im not wanted im tired of being the black sheep in this family,im not allowed to have friends im not allowed to have a boyfriend and im not allowed to party or go out im so stuck and so lonely im so tired i just want to die

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brokensoul95 | @brokensoul95 | Apr 7 3:09pm
In reply to @kndaustin71 "you are also 21 and may leave that toxic environment at any time. Make a plan..." + (show)
@kndaustin71

you are also 21 and may leave that toxic environment at any time. Make a plan and execute it. You may need some assistance but it's out there.. And by the way. How, when and where is this great brother assisting in this outrageous behavior and abuse from your Mother?

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😅funny my brother and i are like strangers we don't even talk ,we don't even watch tv or eat together,we don't talk at all and he's just 4 years older than me but it's like we have an age gap of 35 years ,i always wished we could be friends but it never happened and it will never happen that's the sad truth

REPLY
catalinaexpress | @catalinaexpress | Apr 7 10:22pm
In reply to @maryruth7 "Hello, Young Blood(smile) You sound smart to me. Yes! it is very hurtful when the people..." + (show)
@maryruth7

Hello, Young Blood(smile)
You sound smart to me. Yes! it is very hurtful when the people who are supposed to incourage us do just the opposite in such a hurtful way. But.. here is the good news, You must love you,I say again you must love you🥰. as long as you got a roof over your head, food in your stomach. Be thankful. Next when your mother come to you with foolishness, because that is what it is foolishness,making you feel bad about yourself. Just smile.. I am here to tell you, figure out what it is that (you) truly love, which will earn you a money and a means of survival and do that education yourself at that. Afterward get out on your own, you are young,
Sure you want to do things young people are doing, however the cards life has dealt you are different. a boy friend or even friends are not going to house you and feed you for long. Remember you got you. its is a dog eat dog,world out here. (Love yourself first,)
Tell yourself what is true, we are all different in this world we don't all have the same gifts and talents if that were true everyone would be Doctors or rich people, we must each be true and happy with our self. Find your passion and be the( best) at what ever your passion is this is what will bring life long happiness. Love Yourself ❤️ look in the mirror tell yourself these 👍 things.
If possible also reach out by text or computer there is a world of people cheering for you to make it in life. Love yourself
The world loves a winner,
I believe in you.

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Wonderful advice. Thanks for sharing! 😌

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adrienne9484 | @adrienne9484 | Apr 8 4:22pm
In reply to @thisismarilynb "I grew up with a shrew. It is difficult to call her a mother. She was..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

I grew up with a shrew. It is difficult to call her a mother. She was abusive in many ways. I later found out that many in my family knew what she was doing to me but no one intervened. Finally I had the courage to leave and I did. I went thousands of miles away. She was pissed because she thought people would think bad of her. Notice she only thought of herself, not me. Anyway I was in a strange city, but I found a job and a place to live and started to live a new life. A year after my move I met the man who was to become my husband for 59 years. She came to visit. I was a married woman with children and still she verbally abused me and put me down. Again I found courage to tell her to her face that I was through with her. That I did not want to ever see her again or speak to her - and I didn't. Many years have now passed. I am 90 years old and even with therapy there are still scars. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD due to child abuse. Still I go on even though my beloved husband died 3 years ago. I sum myself up as a survivor.

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Survivalist also

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catalinaexpress | @catalinaexpress | Apr 9 10:29pm
In reply to @adrienne9484 "U do need to talk to a professional. U stuck in one thing and all ur..." + (show)
@adrienne9484

U do need to talk to a professional. U stuck in one thing and all ur mom caused it?
My mom was very negative and critical about everything
She always told me that there was something wrong with me!
I know how u feel. Been there.
Anxiety/depression will kill us.

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Try reading a red letter version of the new testament (bible). I started reading in Matthew King James version. Couldn't have made it all these years if I hadn't.💓

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catalinaexpress | @catalinaexpress | Apr 9 10:32pm
In reply to @21amy "I agree with those that say “Get the heck out of there. “ Don’t give her..." + (show)
@21amy

I agree with those that say “Get the heck out of there. “ Don’t give her the power to manipulate you. Don’t let her drive you to suicide. Don’t let her win. I agree that you need to talk to someone about your suicidal thoughts. I see that Colleen gave you some phone numbers.( I love that she always has resources for people to connect with. ) They are there for people like you that need help, advice and understanding. It does not make you weak to seek help, just the opposite. It takes strength and guts to fight back and stand up for yourself. Is there a reason you haven’t left. Did something happen when you turned 13? Your brother must be a bit older than you if he is an MD. Could you reach out to him for help. Maybe he could financially help you get out of your mother’s house. Maybe he doesn’t know what you are going through. You won’t know unless you reach out and share with him. Good luck! You can do this! You can win back your life!!

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Wellbutrin is a good antidepressant if you get do bad you can't function. Try reading red letter version of the Bible in the meantime❤️

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daun44 | @daun44 | Apr 10 8:58am

My father was very much like my father. My father had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Parents who have NPD value their children based on achievement. Why? Oh, your son is a doctor? You must have been a wonderful mother! The parent is admired by other people. I,too, wasn't " worth" anything to my father because I didn't make big bucks. Money is extremely important to people with NPD. I think of my father as blind. He was unable to see who I was at all. Your mother will never change. In reality a person with NPD has very low self esteem. You are the healthy one. This disorder is genetic, celebrate the fact you don't have it. There is an online mag called Medium. You are a child of Narcissistic abuse. You need a therapist to help you plan your escape from her psych control. Every step is a battle and when you cry, she wins the battle. I hope there are other support groups online. Unfortunately we have no control over who our parents are, but we can survive and thrive despite them.

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riflemanz64 | @riflemanz64 | Apr 10 11:27am

I would enlist in the military and get far away. Free room and board and get a paycheck every month. You’ll make new friends who won’t bring you down.

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pml | @pml | Apr 10 9:24pm
In reply to @thisismarilynb "I grew up with a shrew. It is difficult to call her a mother. She was..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

I grew up with a shrew. It is difficult to call her a mother. She was abusive in many ways. I later found out that many in my family knew what she was doing to me but no one intervened. Finally I had the courage to leave and I did. I went thousands of miles away. She was pissed because she thought people would think bad of her. Notice she only thought of herself, not me. Anyway I was in a strange city, but I found a job and a place to live and started to live a new life. A year after my move I met the man who was to become my husband for 59 years. She came to visit. I was a married woman with children and still she verbally abused me and put me down. Again I found courage to tell her to her face that I was through with her. That I did not want to ever see her again or speak to her - and I didn't. Many years have now passed. I am 90 years old and even with therapy there are still scars. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD due to child abuse. Still I go on even though my beloved husband died 3 years ago. I sum myself up as a survivor.

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Hi Marilyn,
How awful for you to have such an uncaring mother! That must have been so terrible for you. And your family aware of the situation and not intervening! I had a similar situation growing up with my alcoholic father. He drank up all the money and Mom and I lived in virtual poverty because of it! The whole family knew he was in the bar every night and Mom and I often had very little food for dinner but they never interfered either. He was their favorite. Mom and I finally left and life became good again. I'm glad you had the nerve to leave your situation too. And then, had a wonderful marriage for 59 years! How nice! I'm sorry your husband died but at least you had that time with him. My husband died also in July. We were married 30 wonderful years. A month before my husband died, my good friend died and even the neighbor's cat that really liked me died! I've often asked God, "How come I got left behind?" I miss my husband a lot as I'm sure you miss your husband a lot also. But we will both be reunited with our husbands in Heaven when God finally calls us home. We just need to remember that and keep praying.
I wish you the best.
PML

REPLY
catluvver | @catluvver | Apr 12 1:17am
In reply to @thisismarilynb "I grew up with a shrew. It is difficult to call her a mother. She was..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

I grew up with a shrew. It is difficult to call her a mother. She was abusive in many ways. I later found out that many in my family knew what she was doing to me but no one intervened. Finally I had the courage to leave and I did. I went thousands of miles away. She was pissed because she thought people would think bad of her. Notice she only thought of herself, not me. Anyway I was in a strange city, but I found a job and a place to live and started to live a new life. A year after my move I met the man who was to become my husband for 59 years. She came to visit. I was a married woman with children and still she verbally abused me and put me down. Again I found courage to tell her to her face that I was through with her. That I did not want to ever see her again or speak to her - and I didn't. Many years have now passed. I am 90 years old and even with therapy there are still scars. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD due to child abuse. Still I go on even though my beloved husband died 3 years ago. I sum myself up as a survivor.

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You are a survivor.

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1 reply
catluvver | @catluvver | Apr 12 1:25am

It may be hard to believe but you can help yourself. The terrible things you have been told are not true. Pick one goal, maybe to move out. I would suggest getting away and inviting healing into your life. Tell no one the goal if they will let your mother know. Abusers are controllers. Give her a surprise. Leave. Take your power back! Then give your pathway to freedom and growth your all. You are worth fighting for! I hope you can see it someday. People may be willing to help. I read suggestions to talk to someone at a church or ask your brother. Do you know anyone who can assist?

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