← Return to End stage cirrhosis: On the fence with transplant decision-making

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It's so good to hear the positive attitudes from you all! I have a MELD of 12 and had a month long nosebleed last month that got my attention, but quitting a lifetime of drinking and smoking is harder than I thought (maybe impossible). The drinking and smoking started as a way to cover traumas and dramas, and became a norm. The days or weeks I have had not drinking have resulted in my getting depressed, and 4-5 drinks fixes that. Ive tried every antidepressant out there over the years and all make me terribly sick (the hepatoxicity with some of them leaves me to wonder which is worse as a treatment?).
I'm constantly bloated and tired all the time, and I thought about the transplant but do not think I will be able to quit, so I am pretty bummed out about accepting a death sentence for the way Ive lived and am dealing with guilt and regrets and sorrow as I see how badly my children want and need me here. I guess we all know we cant do it for the children, or for any other reason than some kind of miracle.
Any helpful suggestions to motivate or help me accept this grim reality?

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Replies to "It's so good to hear the positive attitudes from you all! I have a MELD of..."

Those nose bleeds simply suck! I still get them a lot, comes with the territory. When we are in a place mentally and physically that seems impossible to overcome, remember we are all in this together, a good support system, and a tool box to pull from is always a must in the fight to get clean and sober. I never thought I could stop drinking and smoking, 2 pack a day habit on top of 1.75 liters of vodka or tequila sometimes both in a day. Yet here I am 19 months later clean and sober. You can do it, the longer you stay clean the better you will feel, the cirrhosis will no longer be able to feed and in return slow the progression of your disease down. The symptoms from cirrhosis do not disappear but they can be managed. So many of us have been in that place and we are all proof it can be done. mamay don't give up it is never a failure when we keep trying eventually you will succeed.