1. < Cancer: Managing Symptoms

My Anger is overwhelming

Posted by Denise @denisestlouie, Feb 20 8:56pm

I'm so angry. I've felt this way off and on for 3 years and that was before my Crohn's diagnosis and my cancer diagnosis. I don't have a clue where its coming from. I've been in therapy since 2021. I've worked with 2 different therapists with different approaches. I'm taking buspirone. I used to take an Lexapro but that didn't help me.

Since my cancer diagnosis the anger is more intense. I fired my GI I'm constantly thinking about firing my oncologist. I haven't stopped any cancer therapy. I'm focused on my health. I'm doing things to strengthen my body. I think that's one positive thing that I do.

Sometimes I think about selling everything and move away to be by myself. I honestly don't think I would miss anyone, except my daughter.

I have days that are worse than others. Today is an exceptionally bad day. There was no trigger. I woke up angry.

I've been told anger is a secondary emotion that help us deal with other emotions. I don't know what it would be. It's not depression. I think one of the therapist would have identified depression.

My anger is so in your face other people dont want to hear what I'm saying not do they understand. That's probably why they don't want to hear me talk about the things and people that agitated me.

I'm writing in my journal trying to calm myself. I post here regularly for an outlet.

When I'm angry I'm either fierce or I cry. It's confusing. It's lonely when I'm not alone. I don't drink anymore. So it's not alcohol. I just don't know what else I should be doing.

I used to be a very happy person. I've never been easy going. I've always had passion for my work and now I couldn't careless. I hate this. I hate that I'm a different person. I'm some one I don't even know anymore.

I sometimes think I'm angry about the way my life turned out. Honestly on the surface I've done pretty well for myself and my daughter.

I think maybe it's just me. Maybe I don't like being me.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

katrii | @katrii | Mar 24 10:30am

I agree so much. I’ve been through the wide range of emotions too…and my BC was followed by husband’s diagnosis of Parkinson’s Disease, plus prostate cancer. I knit dishcloths—and have discovered Podcasts. I bake. Sometimes a good book helps. It’s still not easy, but I’ve concluded “this is life.”I do conscious things, and it helps. So much better than “stewing or feeling that anger.” Best wishes to you!

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Denise | @denisestlouie | Mar 24 11:50am
In reply to @frouke "I’m really happy that I just read all the comments here, it felt like you were..." + (show)
@frouke

I’m really happy that I just read all the comments here, it felt like you were all talking about me…the anger, hating myself and feeling like a stranger in my own skin. I had my first cancer diagnosis in 2020 and I slipped into a void mentally, I couldn’t focus on anything and I felt lost, I went through the process of tests and then surgery all the while I was trying to keep up with the latest news about covid, it was an emotional tornado. I later felt my emotions were returning but all I felt was intense anger and anxiety, to make it worse I started having nightmares about my past abuse at the hands of an older brother, I had a total meltdown. I went for therapy and gradually started feeling more in control of myself, it’s a slow process but gradually I got better. I couldn’t resolve the issues that I had with family so I stopped trying and focused on myself, it was the best decision I’ve made in many years, yes it was painful but the emotional abuse was far worse.

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I'm glad you are healing. I'm so thankful this post and it's threads helps you feel you are not alone with you our feelings

Denise

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Denise | @denisestlouie | Mar 24 11:52am
In reply to @dcruikfinn "Sorry about your situation. I've had 2 different types of breast cancer. I'm a 21 and..." + (show)
@dcruikfinn

Sorry about your situation. I've had 2 different types of breast cancer. I'm a 21 and 15 year survivor since BC first showed up. Now my husband is diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma... I've felt sad, angry, depressed, hopeful, fear and a need to seek justice and revenge. Try to be creative-art, writing, etc. Think of your anger as energy and be productive with it. I'm writing a memoire. Try finding peace by enjoying nature. Good luck.

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Thank you

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1 reply
frouke | @frouke | Mar 24 1:13pm
In reply to @denisestlouie "Thank you" + (show)
@denisestlouie

Thank you

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Thank you for your kind words, I am very grateful to have this connection with others because it’s been so valuable to me and helps to keep me grounded.

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alisa1 | @alisa1 | Mar 28 10:10am

Any emotions, including anger are normal. I empathize with you and I have some of the same when you mentioned, "I used to be a very happy person. I've always had passion for my work and now I couldn't careless. I hate this. " When diagnosed and treated for breast cancer, I destined myself for being in the fight of my life! All during the period from diagnosis (2023) and treatment (2024) I was on auto-pilot, doing all the right things to get through it with positive thoughts. However, in January (2025), I felt like I had been hit with something I had NEVER experienced, and I don't define it as anger, it may be depression because I lost much of my motivation to do or be who I thought I "was".
Guess what? I am not who I "was", I have changed! The "C" word changed me and I am learning who I am purposed to be post-diagnosis and that's OK. But it has been a daily struggle and that's where I get your anger.
I am now asking, "Who am I?" "C" changed my life, changed my lifestyle BUT...I have a 2nd chance to get it right! I have a 2nd chance to be happy, find joy, be healthy, find meaning to this life that God has allowed me to live.
So, take it day by day, do things, learn things, that are best for YOU. I would say do these things angry if you have to but keep pushing! If things look good on the outside, work on how to put that on the inside and get to the root of your anger so that you may continue to thrive.
Best to you and it is good that you have this platform as a support!

REPLY
lauramae3 | @lauramae3 | Mar 28 11:01am
In reply to @frouke "I’m really happy that I just read all the comments here, it felt like you were..." + (show)
@frouke

I’m really happy that I just read all the comments here, it felt like you were all talking about me…the anger, hating myself and feeling like a stranger in my own skin. I had my first cancer diagnosis in 2020 and I slipped into a void mentally, I couldn’t focus on anything and I felt lost, I went through the process of tests and then surgery all the while I was trying to keep up with the latest news about covid, it was an emotional tornado. I later felt my emotions were returning but all I felt was intense anger and anxiety, to make it worse I started having nightmares about my past abuse at the hands of an older brother, I had a total meltdown. I went for therapy and gradually started feeling more in control of myself, it’s a slow process but gradually I got better. I couldn’t resolve the issues that I had with family so I stopped trying and focused on myself, it was the best decision I’ve made in many years, yes it was painful but the emotional abuse was far worse.

Jump to this post

So many of your friends at Mayo Clinic are sending positive thoughts to you. One day at a time. Stay focused and stay positive.

REPLY
1 reply
frouke | @frouke | Mar 28 1:12pm
In reply to @lauramae3 "So many of your friends at Mayo Clinic are sending positive thoughts to you. One day..." + (show)
@lauramae3

So many of your friends at Mayo Clinic are sending positive thoughts to you. One day at a time. Stay focused and stay positive.

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I never feel so alone anymore since I found my new friends here, thank you so much.

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nmd78 | @nmd78 | Apr 6 5:07pm
In reply to @treehouse5437 "Being new diagnosed I am going through the same emotions. One day at a time- I..." + (show)
@treehouse5437

Being new diagnosed I am going through the same emotions. One day at a time- I starting short term disability though my work to at least take that stress off for a few months for appointments, endless paperwork etc. My "team" seem to be on the ball and very helpful with any questions etc that I've had. My first treatment & blood transfusion was yesterday and it went well. Sending you hugs & prayers.

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I'm a mother of an adult child who was diagnosed with Sarcoma this past December, 2024. Idk what to do, what to say or how to help my child right now. My parent also became homebound right before I found out and I have been trying to help my 85 yr old parent with daily tasks and meals. My child has been through 2 weeks of chemo, alone the first week, my husband was there the 2nd week by taking my adult child's baby to visit midweek. A friend is going the 3rd week. What should I do ? I can't leave my parent unless a caregiver is in the home and it's over an hour drive to the cancer center one-way.

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2 replies
nmd78 | @nmd78 | Apr 6 5:49pm
In reply to @jeshaw6801 "I've read some of the other replies and your original entry. Don't know about the anger..." + (show)
@jeshaw6801

I've read some of the other replies and your original entry.
Don't know about the anger before diagnosis, but can relate to the after diagnosis....it is part of the grieving process! Until I got my diagnosis ( 3 weeks after my bowel obstruction surgery) I was confused and angry. Then I was really angry when I got the diagnosis. Angry with the first ER unit, and angry at my PCP. Angry with everyone and everybody. I knew I needed to grieve....I needed to breakdown... And grieve my lost future. Grieve my projects I can't finish. Grieve for my family and lost graduations, concerts and recitals, and weddings and graduations and family events. Etc etc. I did not see the end of the tunnel. But once I broke down...I started to recover. I got myself a therapist and in the confines of her office I continue to grieve and adjust. It's a process. Learning to talk to others ( family) about my loss and grief. I hope knowing others have gone thru this is helpful. Hugs from joanne

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A lady at church asked us to pray for her cancer and I'm happy to share that she now remains cancer free. People do recover. I read something about circling people in prayer so that we make a diligent effort in specifically praying for them and their conditions. So, I want to circle all cancer patients in my prayer journal and pray for their healing and their recoveries.

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nmd78 | @nmd78 | Apr 6 5:57pm
In reply to @treehouse5437 "Podcast have been a huge help at night to help fall asleep when my mind wanders..." + (show)
@treehouse5437

Podcast have been a huge help at night to help fall asleep when my mind wanders to unhelpful thoughts. I enjoy Smartless and a few other podcasts.

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There's even a thing on the CVS pharmacy app that helps people stay calm and go thru steps to unwind if you need some help de-stressing online.

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