Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Volunteer work helps keep me connected. There's the young people that I'm helping of course, but also becoming friends with the other volunteers and then discovering some common interests with some of them.

I've also kept my technology skills very current and still play video games so I enjoy playing online with people of all age groups, often my nephews, but I'm probably the oldest person still playing.

I've been a volunteer library shelver for the past 30 years, had to stop six months ago due to a knee injury but hoping to return soon. Library people are (almost) always pleasant. I consider shelving to be a combination of browsing and light exercise - reach up, squat down, lean over and hold the position, and ... oooh, that book looks interesting!

I love these posts. Think they are very relevant. My issue is that I had a wonderful book club that I was with for over 20 years. We did other activities socially. In the fall of 2021 I experienced a 3rd heart attack, followed by bypass. Suddenly they disbanded and no communication. I’ve been widowed since 1992 and my kids live in other states so I’m comfortable alone. However. Illness, heart failure, is a new kind of alone. Compromises what I can do. Everyone says move to retirement community. Where I live they are farther away from amenities. I still drive and grocery shop, cook. If I don’t want to cook, I drive to nearby Culver’s. I miss the intellectual stimulation of book club. Not just any book club, it was the people. A lot in common regarding reading. Aargh!!

There are many online book clubs that you can join which will give you connection and intellectual stimulation.

It's not the same as spending personal time in the company of others.

What you're missing is the people, so find new people!!!!! Explore volunteer opportunities in your community. Find a church/synagogue/mosque/etc and attend/participate regularly. Since you are a woman, pray to the Blessed Mother (you don't have to be Catholic) and ask for her friendship and suggestions!! For men, I strongly suggest a prayer relationship with St. Joseph and St.Anthony.These are but a few of very real people who have moved on to be with our Creator in Heaven BUT STILL INTERACT WITH THE FAITHFUL AND DEVOTED HERE IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN ON PLANET EARTH!!!😇

You should contact all the former book club members and see if anyone is interested in forming a new club. You may not be the only one missing the club!

Maureen -- Liked your post.

You figured out a way to make "shelving" more of an exercise session, a search for something interesting to learn about, a possible meet-up with nice people, and FUN!

/LarryG

Time is what we older folks don't feel like we have much left.. Like you, I belonged to an international group of mostly mature women for around 40 years. But when I didn't agree to yet another sponsored big gathering in another state, along with many of those I thought were my friends who were in their 80s and 90s, they all shunned me. I can tell you that there is no pain like being shunned by everybody you know..
The older ladies have all died now, only 3 years later...
I have been in therapy since.. Am a very different person now... I don't make friends like I use to and am afraid to leave my house without my husband.. Old women are like school girls, I've been told.. I am thankful for my dear husband and wonderful therapist, who have supported me.. I believed these people were my friends until this happened. I was a happy woman but it has been a struggle to build a new life at my age now.. I am 82 years old..

I know very well what it feels like to be permanently no longer included in a group of people you know well, and in my case for no reason I could figure out (I think though I wasn't "cool" enough for them). In my case what happened is I was emotionally hurt but I got over it fairly quickly and found a new group of friends. Then one day many years later I saw on social media photos of the group of people who no longer included me way back when. They looked like total idiots with their stupid poses but I'm sure they thought they looked "cool". If I would have been still part of that group I would have been one too!

The moral of the story: If anyone shuns you it's a really good thing for you and you'll find new friends sooner than later, if you want.