How do you let go of a toxic family member?

THANK YOU!
Your story sounds so familiar and your words are inspiring and helpful.
I appreciate that you have shared them with not only me, but others who have gone through similar situations.
Take care!

So sorry you are going through this, especially after all you’ve been through with your family.
I had two reactions while reading this. First, could your sister’s blood cancer have affected her brain in such a way as to cause this behavior change?
Second, and totally opposite; is it possible she’s making this up as a way to manipulate/guilt trip you? I have no medical training and could be totally wrong but I’ve never heard of a blood cancer that has no treatment and a range of life expectancy that wide. No cure, yes, but no treatment? Hmmm. Two weeks to twenty years? Hmm. Is there a doctor or nurse you trust that you can ask?
Either way, you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. I just thought raising those questions might be helpful in thinking through a course of action.
I had a good friend who became toxic/verbally abusive that I had to let go; it’s a tough decision.

Thanks for your advice and support. I appreciate it. I did think about the possibility that she was making the diagnosis up, she’s well known for being a great liar, but I saw the paperwork from the doctor and it is real.
I think that this diagnosis is effecting her brain but probably not in the way that you say. She’s been an abusive bully most of her life. It just wasn’t directed towards me very often. She thinks she is a good person. A victim of other people’s behaviors. She usually brings those behaviors on herself with her actions. She is very angry that this is happening to her. She thinks she doesn’t deserve it and that God has made a mistake.
Letting her go is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I feel like no contact at all is the best way to go.

I understand. Letting go is hard, but sometimes it’s all you can do in order to take care of yourself and move forward.
I definitely support your decision and wish the best for you.
One thing you can do if you’re so inclined or able to is pray for her. You may not see any results but I believe something will happen.

Life on the other side of toxic relationships is hard/easy after it’s been instituted, life is brighter & well awesome! Good luck.

Your sister seems to be following in the footsteps of steps of the rest of the family as a bully, as you described. Maybe as her life sits in this precarious position her true self is finally showing up. Due to her illness and potential devastating outcome you have to I’ve her some latitude but you need to care about yourself too. Since you’re feeling blind sided by this unexpected change and potential loss seeing a therapists of counselor may be in order?

My father was abusive and I had to distance myself from him for safety and mental health. My sister is just like him and I had to do the same with her. I feel no guilt or regrets. I've been a victim and now I'm free. People that need to hurt others are sad and angry when they can't. So now I'm not the one who's sad and angry, no longer the victim. Freedom isn't free unfortunately but it's priceless. I don't have that many years left but they're mine. I take no meds now. I fixed the cause instead. Best of luck to everyone.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s always great to hear from people who have experienced similar issues and have benefited from letting go of toxic relationships.

Very much agree with what you said. Research now supports trauma being behind issues like anxiety ptsd substance use disorder etc. I have taken action similar to what you did. I only take now escitalopram 5mg. I do take lamotrigine 150 mg daily for seizure prevention. To get at the root causes is very effective.

I recently visited my family for the holidays and stayed with my sister for nine days. My sister has always been my best friend. There for me and took care of me since I was an infant as my mother was absent. On the first day, on the way to her house from the airport, she told me that she has a very rare blood cancer for which there is no treatment. She could die in two weeks or twenty years. No one knows. I decided right then and there that I would do everything I could to be there for her and that I would do everything she wanted to do during my visit. (Unlike visits in the past when I was so depressed I didn’t want to do anything).
But she had other ideas. She spent the entire nine days being mean and cruel to me and bullying me about any and every interaction we had or that I had with other people. From hating the smell of my toothpaste to the way I spoke to my mother. Nothing I could do was ever right. She accused me of calling her stupid at least five times a day. She called me passive aggressive and said that I mumble. None of that was true. She’s the smartest person I know. I’m a loving and kind woman and mostly people say that I talk too loud because I’m partially deaf. No need to elaborate, you get the picture.
I realize that she is probably sad and angry about a lot of things. I know she is capable of loving kindness because I watched her treat her husband that way the entire time. She’s always been a bully and capable of being mean and cruel but it was rarely directed at me.
So the point of this massive rambling is how to let her go. I was abused and bullied by the rest of my family for my entire life. I’ve learned that I don’t have to tolerate abuse. I tried to talk to her but she continued the abuse and refused to acknowledge that she was behaving in any way that was abnormal or inappropriate.
I know that everyone dies sometime, and that absolutely nothing excuses abusive behavior. At least that’s what I believe. So I have to let her go. I have to distance myself from her to avoid having my self esteem go down the toilet like it did when I was visiting.
It’s breaking my heart. I can’t even face it without feeling as though I’ll break down and never recover. I need help and support. I have some people who do that as well as they can, but no one who truly understands. I’m reaching out to all of you in the hope that someone out there has experienced something similar and has a little advice about any of it.
Thanks for listening.