Cancer won

Thank you for your kind response. The emotions you mentioned are spot on. I am grieving but at the same time I do feel relief. Then I feel quilty for feeling relieved, just as you said. I am glad that he is no longer in pain or suffering. My family and friends have been such a blessing and great support. Yes, it will take awhile because I am just feeling numb. My two dogs won't leave my side. I know that they understand something is different. But they are a great comfort, also. I don't know how I would have handled this if it hadn't been for hospice. They gave him the care I could not give him at home. I appreciate your prayers. They help. Thank you,

Denise,
I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to tell every creditor that your husband died; thus giving yourself some time to get your finances in order. Some will know from Social Security or the government but not all. So take your time and pray about it. Of course, things will have to be paid eventually but having time helps. I took my time informing creditors when my husband died because Social Security and my husband's pension didn't happen for a couple months! They even stopped my Social Security because I would be getting my husband's. But that didn't occur right away. I was living totally on our savings!
I'm so glad we had some! When the pension and social security did finally occur 2 months and lots of phone calls later, things were alright and I could pay what was owed. Also if you didn't have a joint account at the bank then the bank can "hold" the account. I don't know for how long but when I found that out in my research it was frightening! However, we did have a joint account so it was OK.

I'm sorry your son is having such a hard time with his father's passing. Just remind him that his father is up in Heaven with God and Jesus and out of pain and that eventually he will be with him again.

I wish you both the best at this hard time. I'll say a prayer for you and your family.
PML

Thanks for your caring words. I may be in financial trouble because did not have a savings. And our checking accouts were not joint. They told me they would need a death certificate and a copy of the paid funeral bill. All his credit cards were in his name only. I hope I don't have to pay them because I can't. I have my own bills to pay and there is not enough left over to pay his. I will pay some of them but that will be when all the financial things get straightened out. If it takes two months to straighten the financials out, I don't know what I will do. I do have a pension but it won't cover all the bills I alone am responsible for. My husband only contributed 700 dollars towards the household bills because he spent most of what he had left on cigarettes. I pay the mortgage, electric, (that alone came to over 800 dollars) homeowners insurance, the taxes and I paid for the life insurance. I am also paying the bills for the new roof we just put on last november. Plus my own credit cards. But it was doable as long as I was getting my social security. Oh, well. God will see me through and if I get in a jam my family hopefully will kick in. Take care and thanks for the advice. (I think lol)

Hi Denise - I wanted to let you know that my brother died this morning. From HPV tongue cancer. He fought it for almost 2 years. I hope you are doing well. God bless - Susan

You have my deepest sympathies, Susan. You and your sister knew it would be coming one day, but it is still a shock. I knew that Joe was losing his battle to lung cancer a few months ago and watched it grow progressively worse. But it was still a shock and still brought grief and sorrow. I know you are both going through the same feelings. I experienced grief, then relief that he was not suffering any more then I felt guilty for feeling relief. Still feeling like it is surreal at times. May God give you peace and comfort at this difficult time. Prayers for you and your family.

So sorry Denise cancer is a horrible curse

Amen!

Hi Denise,
How are things going for you? I know you miss your husband terribly but he's up in Heaven now with God and Jesus and out of pain. You did the best you could for him. You will eventually be joining him also.

How are you doing financially? I know you stated you had some problems. I don't think you have to pay any bills that are only in his name. I received an emergency room bill for my husband. I didn't pay it. I sent a copy of his death certificate to them. I haven't heard back so I guess that was OK to do. I'm like you. I can't afford everything. I'm paying enough as it is. Also when you file your taxes, they will want a death certificate. I thought since the taxes were for 2024 when my husband was still alive they wouldn't need anything. But they held up my tax refund for a month until they got the death certificate.

In the state I live in, Washington, the pawn shops will purchase things outright from you. You don't have to pawn them. They pay quite well too. I've taken a few things in. Every little bit helps. Perhaps the pawn shops will do that where you live.

Keep praying and I know you do. Things do get better. It's been since July when my husband died and life is a lot easier for me now than it was then.

I'll say a prayer for you.
PML

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Yes, it is very different now. I don't think I have lived alone and although my husband and I did not see eye to eye very often, I knew he was here if I needed him. I did take my taxes in to be done, but they did not mention a death certificate. I will call them and ask if they will need that. As far as finances go, I did manage to close out his checking account and got the balance of the money that was still in there. I will have some left over after I pay the funeral home. But I have not heard anything from social security about whether I will get his as he made more than I did or what I will actually get. He had a very small pension (like 135 a month) from a place that he worked at before I knew him but he didnt last long there. But like you said, every little bit helps. I went to my cable company and spoke to them about lowering the cable bill. He was paying 300 a month. I seldom watch tv so I am going to try and get a lower rate. They gave me a number to call today. I just got off the phone with the cable company but they could only lower my bill 35.00 a month. What a racket. But they did discontinue my husband's mobile phone and it will save me 56.00 a month. Actually, I don't have anything worth pawning. Did it take you long to get rid of your husband's clothes, etc.? Everytime I walk into his room to do it, I can't. I just turn around and walk back out. My plans are to clean the room and make it into a guest room, but I just can't seem to get started. Well, it has only been two weeks and I need to give myself some time. As you said, it will get better. Thanks again for reaching out. Take care. We will get through this.

Hi Denise,
It sounds like you are doing pretty good at managing things. That's great! You might want to call Social Security instead of waiting for them to contact you. A lot more people are in this country now so they may not have the time to contact you. Be prepared to be on hold for at least an hour! But it's worth it to get things going. It will take a couple months before you actually get a check. Also it may not be the full amount that your husband was getting. Mine wasn't. It was almost the full amount but a little less than what my husband had been getting. They always tell you that you'll get the same amount or they imply it. I thought that too. But you don't.

Your cable company doesn't sound very caring. $35 isn't much! Can you go to another cable company? If you are a new customer, they often give you a really good price.

You might also want to call Medicare about health insurance. I did and got Humana Gold Plus Medicare insurance. I pay no premium and most of my prescriptions are free or very low cost.

When I mentioned the Pawn shop they buy things besides letting people pawn things. What about selling your wedding rings? I'm going to do that. Partly because I can use the money but also I live 15 miles north of Seattle where crime is really high. Some of the bad people drift up here every so often. That is not the environment you want to wear a diamond ring in! The pawn shop buys other things too like frying pans, kitchen appliances, tools etc. It all depends on your local pawn shop. It might be a good idea to give them a call.

It took me about three months to get rid of my husband's clothes and other things. I understand your being reluctant to start that. Just give yourself some time.

You are right. We'll get through this. I'll say a prayer for you.
PML