My Anger is overwhelming

Well, while we are sharing our emotions, I'll say that over the years I too have suffered from anger issues. I was in therapy for a while, got upset, told her to go %$#$ herself and never went back. I think it's most likely related to child hood issues. I have gotten much better , I believe getting older helped alot (70). I sometimes wake up, angry to start the day and don't have a clue as to why. I try very hard to turn it around and not let it wreck my day. I did get upset the day they told me my cancer diagnosis but since then I've been okay with it. Most times now, little things make me laugh, sometimes for no reason, I just start laughing. I wish I could pass along some tidbit of wisdom on how to stop being angry, but I can't. Maybe the anger just wore me down, it does take lot out of a person. I do wish you the best and hope you find something to make the anger go away. Best to all.

You said you see a therapist so you may already have heard this, but my therapist told me that anger is your mind telling you that something needs to change or that you have a need that isn't being met.

Sometimes I believe this, but other times I think it's more of a natural reaction to having our bodies fail us in some way. My cancer diagnosis started with tremendous sadness, but then a burning anger at the universe (which I took out on those who love me) as in "I exercised my entire life and ate right and THIS is what I get." It's a very tough thing to deal with because, at the end of the day, oncologists and therapists are just human too and can only do so much.

When I get angry now about my health I lean on music, literature and poetry. I especially find "Do not go gentle into that good night" by Dylan Thomas to be helpful and cathartic:

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Here's a link to the entire poem: https://poets.org/poem/do-not-go-gentle-good-night

Denise...pretty name. Put your focus outward. Please get a kitten or puppy that requires a lot of time. Take up painting too. It is a great way to occupy your time and at the same time reveal your emotions on canvas. Painting and writing in journals is a wonderful way to get our inner feelings out. It's worth a try. I have quite a few animals that require much care. Whenever I get tired, or feel overwhelmed, I remind myself how good the exercise is and the love they give back is worth it. God created the critters for our care and enjoyment. Cats are especially great at purring their way into your calm place. Take care and best wishes.

First, go ahead and be angry. It's OK. Crohn's sucks. Cancer sucks.

I think the important thing is to see anger as a transition. Let it happen — even embrace it for a while — but think of it as a vehicle that's taking you from where you were before to where you'll be in the future. It's a bumpy ride, but the ride isn't your final destination.

If you're finding the anger too hard to live with in the meantime, obviously working with a professional therapist is the best choice, but if that doesn't work for you (due to preferences or finances), there are therapies that can be very effective for many people when self-administered, like Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance-Commitment Therapy (ACT).

The original CBT book was "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" written by Dr. David Burns 45 years ago. It still holds up fairly well (it helped me get over chronic anxiety 20 years ago), and has actually been through multiple clinical trials that have demonstrated that it has efficacy the same as or better than medication for many situations.

There have been many more resources published since then, of course. What they all help you do is break down the anger so that it's no longer a tidal wave threatening to drown you, but something you can examine, understand, and even have a pseudo-conversation with.

Best of luck!

After my "You can't be cured, but you can be treated" diagnosis five years ago my mood swings hit new highs and lows for about a year. I'd get angry that I was living, dying, while non stopping crying internally. Add to all that I felt like a failure. A failure at being angry. Everyday my anger lashed out at the universe, my goldfish, or the neighbors cat, but I felt fraudulent. Turns out I wasn't good at it, being angry.
I didn't fire my therapist. I told her the truth and she fired me. I told her, "I am tired of thinking and talking about my cancers, both of them and my anger. I need a break." She didn't understand. She told me I wasn't facing my truth, then fired me from being client and kicked me off her Facebook page.
Within a few months I learned the truth about myself. I am an old (71) man and old people eventually die. My truth runs deep. It's not my dying I was angry about, it was why I had ever lived. That's it. Why I had ever lived and the answer came easy.
I lived because I am a wonderful dad, grandfather, husband, and friend to many. I was a wonderful professor for decades, and still am a wonderful thinker. According to my five year old granddaughter I am a great artist. Denise "its a wonderful in the neighborhood."

I understand your anger - i have liver cancer as of last summer plus heart disease etc so I quit smoking 25 years ago and now no drinking alcohol and when on chemo too sick to eat so what do you do - I was angry but basically not now I just feel blessed I have had a nice life but really many hardships but it could have been worse. If you feel better vetting keep doing it and good luck.

I had a problem with incredible sadness. It wasn't anger but it was still difficult to deal with. What I did was I decided to get involved in something that could help me stop thinking about my loss. My sister died when she was only 27 years old. I volunteered at a deaf school, and I helped with little deaf preschool kids who had huge difficulties to overcome. It helped take my mind off myself and what I was going through. I worked there for a year and it helped me get through such a difficult time in my life. I still miss my sister, but I can deal with it.

Denise, I think you have identified the issue at the end of your post... "I sometimes think I'm angry about the way my life turned out...Maybe I don't like being me." I, too was an angry person. [Newer people in my life don't understand that, as my "new" self is no longer as angry and snarky as my "old" self.] My anger was always misdirected at others instead of looking inward at myself, my low self-esteem and self-worth, my unresolved anger issues from my childhood, grief and loss that had never been dealt with, sexual abuse that had never been talked about or dealt with, etc. I went into therapy at the age of 63 to understand and grow and move on from being the stuck 13-year-old who lashed out at the world and beat myself up and did everything to take care of others while ignoring and not understanding myself, my feelings and emotions, and my needs. I'm now 70, divorced from what became a very unhealthy 30-year relationship/marriage, and I am healthier than ever, living a happier than ever life. I can proudly say that I like myself and am worthy of everything good in life. You can get beyond your anger, but you have to face it head on and work through it. It is not easy, trust me. Most of us want to run from our anger. I was ready to run from therapy several times, but my therapist never gave up on me and knew how to reel me back in. I have also done other forms of therapy that have also been helpful in growing into the person I am today. Remember this quote from David Kessler... "What we run from pursues us. What we face transforms us."

@denisestlouie Your post made me cry. As did those of others on here who understand and have shared your depth of anger. As a starting point, I am in awe of how you all own it and can voice it. That emotional investigation (while unresolved yet in your case) is so powerful and important.

The mind is a funny thing - layers upon confusing layers with a multitude of experiences and personal takeaways from those experiences! Often deeply embedded and tangled.

We spend so much time looking into other people’s mental issues without getting to recognise, understand and work on our own!!! I applaud you and others for the work you’ve done not just to examine what’s going on but also doing positive stuff, including in your case looking after your health and giving up on alcohol. Not at all easy but you’ve done it. Those steps show an immense strength of character you may not appreciate about yourself.

I like you (I’ve read not just this post but many of your other comments). I hope you can find books, podcasts etc that work for YOU and help you like yourself. Therapy is not one size fits all. When my mother died suddenly my original family imploded. So much anger directed at me by my siblings (my mother made me her executor and left me her much loved rings she was wearing when she passed). Therapy to steady my own ship was amazing - but I got exactly the right therapist for me through a friend’s recommendation.

Please keep pushing forward and sharing 🙏❤️‍🩹

Being new diagnosed I am going through the same emotions. One day at a time- I starting short term disability though my work to at least take that stress off for a few months for appointments, endless paperwork etc. My "team" seem to be on the ball and very helpful with any questions etc that I've had. My first treatment & blood transfusion was yesterday and it went well. Sending you hugs & prayers.