I have been estranged from my daughter for almost 20 years

I have been estranged from my daughter for almost 20 years. Recently we have done some contact and she blames me for so much that did not happen at all!

She claims that I beat her (never happened) and did nothing for. None of that is true. Her father and I divorced when she was about 6 and we went to live with my mother. This was only because my husband tried to burn down the house we lived in with us in it! We lived in the country then.

He wanted generous child visitation, which I gave him wanting her to have a relationship with her father, but he stood her up so many times. I recall one time in particular when after church she was sanding behind the car in the driveway waiting for her father to arive. Her friends wanted her to play, but she told them proudly she was waiting for him. He never showed. When I went out to bring her in for lunch she took it out on me (she was about 8 then). It was MY fault. I had nothing to do with it.

Anyway, I am the one that bought her a car, encouraged her to take courses to go to college. She had a savings account that I had control of and turned over to her on her 18th birthday. This she claims never happened and actually sued me about it when she graduated from college and was looking for $$ to pay off student loans. This DEVASTATED ME. Even my Father said she was rotten through and through.

I couldn't deal with that for years yet, eventhough she claimed to the lawyers that she was afraid of me (thus she refused to be in a room with me and I had to leave the courthouse before she did). One time she was in the lawyers office for a deposition (she refused to have me in the room while I was deposed, she couldn't even look at my husband! I think that says a lot. Once it was over she seemed to think things should go right back to normal.

Oh, she moved out of my house between her junior and senior year in college because: 1. I wouldn't pony up money for her to move out of the dorm and have her own apartment. 2. I came home one night to find her and her current boyfriend in a compromising position, if you get my drift. I called her on that and she told me she would do what she wanted. I said not in my house, and she moved out. I told her she didn't have to move, but to have respect for me....you understand.

Re this I also had a problem with her in high school, also in her Junior. She had a crush on a young music teacher and he encouraged it. While the spring play was being rehearsed she told me she was going to be late one night because of that. When it got to 10:30, which was late for her on a school night) and she still wasn't home I started calling around looking for her. I drove to the high school there were cars there but I could not get in. Anyway, I called the police and told them she wasn't home yet, etc. The police checked the school and found that she was still there with the TEACHER! This was around midnight!

The police brought her home and boy was she angry. The next day she came home and told me the music teacher said I got him in trouble! I told her he got himself in trouble, that she should never have been with him etc. A few weeks later he told her that the school was not renewing his contract and she was furious at me.

I had talked to the school about the situation but the school also had the report from the police department.

Anyway, she always tells me how great her father was and I wonder if it is time to tell her about the fire etc. There is a police report on that and she and I spend about 2 weeks at a women's shelter after that happened.

Please let me hear your remarks. This has bothered me for years. I have gotten blamed for so much I didn't do. As I once told her, if I was that bad she could have gone to live with her father. The truth there is that he didn't want her to cramp his life style.