Enough - This is going to be fixed!

About three years ago my wife would close the door to the bedroom at bedtime. The door had never been closed and I would re-open it (this was one of her first signs of decline). Over the last three years there have been dozens of behaviors or comments that are illogical. She has been on Donepezil for three months and become more engaged in daily life and last night to my surprise she closed the door to the bedroom. It might mean something or it might not.

Hi. I have a question. Before his dementia was diagnosed, was he totally different in his behaviors and treatment of other people or has he always been unreasonable? with problems that have no solution? The reason I ask is because if he had a personality disorder, dementia and old age would aggravate his personality and behaviors. Could you elucidate?

I see changes also. I cannot leave my sweats out because he will think they are his and put them away, he has recently taken to putting the tissues out of the bathroom basket and flushing them down the toilet. Just a couple of small things but now something I have to make sure I move. He means well so I just have to be a step ahead. Does your wife have dementia or mcl? Are there any side effects to the medication? I have been hesitant to put him on medication because when I have read there is no cure for mcl. He really hasn’t been evaluated I am winging this on my own with the help of the book from the Mayo Clinic .

Sue - I took your advice and refused to go. Told him to call his daughter but, as usual, she was too busy aka nothing in it for her. So he cancelled the apt. and rescheduled it.

I told him to make arrangements to get there because I would use the time he was gone to clean the house so he wouldn't smell anything.

I don't know why, but I feel this is getting to me quicker than it did before.

I want to tell you all his "reason" for refusing to put the empty milk jugs in the outside garbage can.... ready? It is because they fill the can up! Now, when we take the garbage out on Sunday nite and put the jugs in the can there is no problem. I think, but am not certain, that in his mind the jugs have to go on top of the kitchen garbage bags in the outside can. He never use to "think" like this.

He never use to be like that about the milk jugs or the chicken bones. Only the last few years did that stuff start.

Call his bluff! Crush the milk bottles/cartons with your foot. Issue solved.
And stand your ground on the unnecessary doctor visits too - his doctors will probably be grateful.

Update - He had to cancel all his apts. due to the abnormally cold weather. I also wasn't driving. His daughter never got back to him. As I have said before, nothing in it for her.

We will see what happens now that it is warming up.

prayers go out to you. I empathize.

Well, I had him backed down on the Doc. visits until today. Here we go AGAIN! Another visit to the Doc so he can get meds that, I guarantee you, he won't take after a day or two because he "has various reactions to them" BUT won't call the Doc about it. He won't tell me he stopped because I would call the Doc and see about his symptoms, like are they real or imaginary. The pattern is that he will wait a week or so after stopping meds and then go back for another prescription and will do the same thing.

As for memory etc., he claimed that he received a bill from the hospital for his last scan, put it on his desk and now it wasn't there. What did I do with it, etc.? After spending a lot of time looking for it, through things, etc., he called the hospital only to be told that they hadn't billed him for it yet!

I told him I am not going today, I have things to do, like a hair appointment and he is having a snit that I don't give a darn about him. I cannot tell you how many apts. for things I have cancelled in the past dealing with this. BUT, note, I HAVE THE CAR so he can't drive because I am concerned about that after he had the incident where he totally didn't recognize where he was.

It can be terribly frustrating. Recently, my dad started back with some of his fixations that are trying to tolerate. He will go on and on about nothing and be extremely demanding and agitated. I’m discussing it with his doctor to see about increasing his meds.

Is there anyone else you can get to take over his care? I think you said his daughter was not an option. I’d seek legal advice on your options. Difficult behavior is very stressful to manage long term and it seems these conditions can go on for many years. It’s so hard on families, especially spouses.

Forgive me for posting this about stepdaughter but she is part, a big part of trying to deal with things.

After weeks of not hearing from her and her being too busy to help out, she calls and sweet talks him about how she keeps forgetting to call. Her true colors soon showed when she asked if her son, who just bought a house, could have our lawnmower AND gas grill as we probably have no need for them anymore!!! After all, we should probably hire someone to cut our grass, she said. AND, get ready for this, they would be over on Saturday to pick them up!!

Today, H has the sense to tell her NO, no way, no how. It was funny because when we saw her name on the cell phone, I quipped that she probably wanted something like the lawnmower and grill, just off the top of my head. She is not happy with his response. Too bad.

As I have said before, she only bothers when there is something in it for her. It is really quite sad.