Guilt Towards Family Due To Mental Illness

I can so relate! You are not alone. My family seems supportive, but I still feel guilty for not being what I consider to be a better wife and mother . I also get frustrated with myself because I can’t seem to get my to-do lists done. I have a felt need to achieve things. That’s just how I’m wired. I often set goals but rarely have follow through and end up feeling like lazy sloth and like a failure. In actuality, we shouldn’t feel guilt for any of those things. We need to offer ourselves grace. I tend to offer grace to others but can’t seem to offer grace to myself. I guess it’s important to remind ourselves that we are enough in spite of whatever mental illness, other health condition diagnosis we may have. I’m sorry you are experiencing this. I’m sending virtual hugs. I just hope you feel seen and know that you are not the only one. Let’s keep on keeping on! Day by day.

After losing my first wife to cancer 21 years ago, I self-medicated and drank 6years of my life away cycling through every anti-depressant known to man, we had three kids together. After that I remarried and had two more kids and got my life on track, everything was good until I got sick and needed a lung transplant after 5 months of traumatic events, I left the hospital barely able to walk. I then was placed on Prednisolone among many other medications, almost all of them known to affect mood. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Panic Disorder. I used Diazepam to deal with it and left the hospital on Mirtazapine, this combined with my other medication made me too outspoken and aggressive when shopping or driving. Eventually my wife and kids didn't want to go anywhere with me deliberately shopping in places that I had said I would never go again. I am currently weaning myself off the Diazepam and have stopped the Mirtazapine, I am now taking 0.5mg 220mg/ml of CBD with terpenes in the morning so I can drive unimpaired and 0.5ml of 25mg/ml THC/25mg/ml CBD in the late afternoon. I have improved considerably, I wouldn't say I am perfect but can drive down the street and go shopping without any road rage incidents and go shopping and usually not speak my mind when forced to suffer fools. It is important to work at focusing your mindset as well as there is no magic pill, but I can now function. My family is slowly seeing the improvements with my wife being a nurse she has a stigma attached to medicinal cannabis which doesn't help but it is understandable as she is not the only one.

I have been in your shoes, but for different reason! You’re right it hurts! The first thing I did I sat everyone down and apologized to everyone in detail! Then I told them I need to find a new doctor! I don’t like who I am, I need to make changes! You have to learn how to either deal with what you have going on, or make changes! It’s not working! something with your treatment isn’t right !
I am living with lupus! My joints separate and bleed! My RA doctor does test for the level of pain. 0-5 is normal they finally got my level down, from 33.6 to 15, for 8 years they have work on this for me! I know this still high! I am use to the pain I don’t think about it I have a life! I laughed do think have coffee Tuesday at my house every Tuesday! I have a full life! I also have a collapsed trachea every time I exhale, my lungs are bad, I have 2 tumors on my spine, RA with HPOA, these are all big issues! Plus a lot more! But I look at my life as a blessing I am still walking! It’s how you look at things! Please try to be grateful enjoy your kids find the laughter even if you don’t feel good! Set a goal every day! I am going to be happy with my kids a hour today! Plus try a new doctor or be honest with your doctor and your family And to yourself! If you don’t help yourself no one else will! Good luck!, it’s not easy I really don’t like going to see my doctors! I do like having a life! I so want you to have a great life!! Good luck!

For every negative situation you created, you need to create a thousand positive situations.
You will be busy, apologies mean nothing without action.
The good thing is that when you feel the ‘hateful’ bubbling up, you might remind yourself of the effort it takes to be truly sorry.

I know exactly how you feel. I am bipolar 1, paranoid schizophrenic plus a few other issues. Still, I feel like I'm ALWAYS apologizing to someone mostly my husband's family due to cutting mine off for something I have done or said. I used to self-medicate with ANYTHING I could get my hands on but after finally being diagnosed and learning about my mental health problems I sat my family down in one place at one time and just had to tell them what was going on and what to expect from me. I stood before all of them and apologized for my past behavior and my future behavior. Told them from the get-go that if they thought for even a millisecond that they couldn't handle my situation they needed to go ahead and walk. I did not need anyone who couldn't support me while I started taking medications to see which would and which would not help me. I had to learn how to like myself before I could do anything else, I hope you find what helps you, and I will keep you in my thoughts.