What are your tips for staying independent at your own home?

Many people say they’d prefer to grow old in their own homes. What are your tips for remaining independent as long as possible. What do you do to:
- Keep up with home maintenance and housekeeping?
- Avoid injuries around the house?
- Combat loneliness or stay connected?

Any other tips?

October 25, 2023: Update from the Community Director

The knowledge exchange shared in this discussion helped to create this article written for the Mayo Clinic app and website. Knowledge for patients by patients and beyond Mayo Clinic Connect. Thank you for all your tips.

Aging at home: Advice for staying independent

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@bea4me

Seeing a psychologist who works with seniors can be very helpful. Nice that this can be done on Zoom or by phone so you don't have to drive to a visit. I've had a great psychologist for a long time. In 2020 I had Stage 4 esophageal cancer and endured an 11 hr. major surgery followed immediately by a deep coma. I was hospitalized in the ICU then rehabs for 6 months and never felt so alone in my life. When I finally returned home, having my beautiful 2 kitties at my side brought tears of joy and I realized how lucky I was to even be alive. I, too, volunteer but with cancer survivors as I've had lung cancer twice. I organize luncheons for a group of friends who all retired from the same company. We've been friends for 35 yrs. Due to major back and neck problems, I no longer can go to exercise class or walk in my neighborhood. But considering that at one point my death certificate was ready to be signed, I consider myself very lucky to be back at home with my kitties and friends & thinking positively.

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You amaze me for what you have gone through. Losing a my husband has been a journey I had not planned on but we woman are able to do whatever we set on mind on and we get on with life no matter what we have to face. Positivity is the only way to go forth. I’m reading a wonderful book called The Island Of Sea Women by Lisa See. Great inspiration. Take care of you! Sharron Biccum

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I have been close to this subject for many years as my going on 96 year old mother manages to live in her home. My father died in 1997, leaving her alone. Fortunately she's financially okay and has enjoyed many friends and family. About ten years ago she had a mild stroke and began to slow down. She still drives, to PT twice a week and every Friday to the hairdresser. She cooks and takes care of her hygiene pretty well. This may seem unethical but over the years I've told her she holds the key to living in her home doing the things she wants to do. The keys were not falling and to let me help her deal with people coming to work at the house. She trusts everyone and they have over charged her and she has let people in without knowing who they are.
She's online a lot, listening to health podcasts and buying hundreds of vitamins and supplements. Last year she lost sense of reality. She was the victim of a scam. She lost touch with who to trust and sent $5,000 to a group who convinced her they were from Publisher's Clearing House. After that I managed keep her from sending close to $40,000 more. The police were involved but she refused to tell them anything about the scammers. All her friends have died and she stopped going to church during Covid. My wife and I help her with groceries and take her to doctors appts. She's becoming pretty forgetful, but she has a drive, a spirit to keep living life her way. There's much more but I don't want to stop that spirit. You either have it or you don't.

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@woojr

I have been close to this subject for many years as my going on 96 year old mother manages to live in her home. My father died in 1997, leaving her alone. Fortunately she's financially okay and has enjoyed many friends and family. About ten years ago she had a mild stroke and began to slow down. She still drives, to PT twice a week and every Friday to the hairdresser. She cooks and takes care of her hygiene pretty well. This may seem unethical but over the years I've told her she holds the key to living in her home doing the things she wants to do. The keys were not falling and to let me help her deal with people coming to work at the house. She trusts everyone and they have over charged her and she has let people in without knowing who they are.
She's online a lot, listening to health podcasts and buying hundreds of vitamins and supplements. Last year she lost sense of reality. She was the victim of a scam. She lost touch with who to trust and sent $5,000 to a group who convinced her they were from Publisher's Clearing House. After that I managed keep her from sending close to $40,000 more. The police were involved but she refused to tell them anything about the scammers. All her friends have died and she stopped going to church during Covid. My wife and I help her with groceries and take her to doctors appts. She's becoming pretty forgetful, but she has a drive, a spirit to keep living life her way. There's much more but I don't want to stop that spirit. You either have it or you don't.

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Hi, @woojr.
Your Mom sounds like a great lady. I am so impressed with her longevity and her ability to maintain some independence. But I am just so sad...and MAD...about unscrupulous people who have taken advantage of her. Unfortunately, this has happened to so many seniors who are so trusting and vulnerable. I am glad that your Mom does allow you to help her with some things. Some older folks won't let anybody help them although they clearly need help. Best wishes to your Mom and to you and your family. 💕

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@bea4me

Seeing a psychologist who works with seniors can be very helpful. Nice that this can be done on Zoom or by phone so you don't have to drive to a visit. I've had a great psychologist for a long time. In 2020 I had Stage 4 esophageal cancer and endured an 11 hr. major surgery followed immediately by a deep coma. I was hospitalized in the ICU then rehabs for 6 months and never felt so alone in my life. When I finally returned home, having my beautiful 2 kitties at my side brought tears of joy and I realized how lucky I was to even be alive. I, too, volunteer but with cancer survivors as I've had lung cancer twice. I organize luncheons for a group of friends who all retired from the same company. We've been friends for 35 yrs. Due to major back and neck problems, I no longer can go to exercise class or walk in my neighborhood. But considering that at one point my death certificate was ready to be signed, I consider myself very lucky to be back at home with my kitties and friends & thinking positively.

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Kitties can be such good friends! I've had several and they were all wonderful! I'm glad you have them and are doing so well!
PML

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We need to be aware that internet and phone scams are now making use of AI technologies to produce much more convincing scams. Until recently scams were made obvious by misspellings and language errors and clumsy graphic design. Over recent weeks I've received phishing scam emails of much higher quality. For me the scams were evident because they referred to banks and credit card companies with which I have no accounts.

Rule #1 is to never respond emotionally to any emails or phone calls. Scammers seek to control us by hooking our feelings. Pause, breathe, think, talk with a trusted person.
Rule #2 is never click on any unsolicited email link. This can download malware on your computer.
Rule #3 is contact your bank, payment company, IRS, Social Security, medical provider, etc. via your online account, independently of the frightening email.

As old folks, we can sometimes be easily frightened. We need to have our defenses planned and practiced.
What are other ways we can protect ourselves?

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@edsutton

We need to be aware that internet and phone scams are now making use of AI technologies to produce much more convincing scams. Until recently scams were made obvious by misspellings and language errors and clumsy graphic design. Over recent weeks I've received phishing scam emails of much higher quality. For me the scams were evident because they referred to banks and credit card companies with which I have no accounts.

Rule #1 is to never respond emotionally to any emails or phone calls. Scammers seek to control us by hooking our feelings. Pause, breathe, think, talk with a trusted person.
Rule #2 is never click on any unsolicited email link. This can download malware on your computer.
Rule #3 is contact your bank, payment company, IRS, Social Security, medical provider, etc. via your online account, independently of the frightening email.

As old folks, we can sometimes be easily frightened. We need to have our defenses planned and practiced.
What are other ways we can protect ourselves?

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Ed, I think you hit the nail on the head as something we older folks have to do if we want to stay independent in our own homes. I just had an email from McMaster Optimal Aging on the topic. Although it's written for Canadian citizens it applies to us too - Don’t get scammed: Protecting yourself from financial fraud - https://www.mcmasteroptimalaging.org/hitting-the-headlines/detail/hitting-the-headlines/2025/01/14/don-t-get-scammed--protecting-yourself-from-financial-fraud.

I also found a nice booklet you can print out from the Department of Protection and Financial Services - https://dfpi.ca.gov/wp-content/uploads/sites/337/2024/01/DFPI-Protect-Yourself-from-Fraud-English-2nd-edition.pdf

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John-
These are great resources!
I'm printing out the booklet so I can read it patiently with pencil in hand.

Is my concern "over the top?"
Well, if I lose my savings to a scam, I don't have a way to replace them.

Lately I've noticed how often on-line purchase items offer extended monthly payment options.
I try to practice very simple, unromantic economics. I pay cash for everything. By paying cash, I have to look at the cost "straight in the eye," very different than thinking "It will just cost $35 a month."
Beware vague thinking about money.

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@johnbishop

Ed, I think you hit the nail on the head as something we older folks have to do if we want to stay independent in our own homes. I just had an email from McMaster Optimal Aging on the topic. Although it's written for Canadian citizens it applies to us too - Don’t get scammed: Protecting yourself from financial fraud - https://www.mcmasteroptimalaging.org/hitting-the-headlines/detail/hitting-the-headlines/2025/01/14/don-t-get-scammed--protecting-yourself-from-financial-fraud.

I also found a nice booklet you can print out from the Department of Protection and Financial Services - https://dfpi.ca.gov/wp-content/uploads/sites/337/2024/01/DFPI-Protect-Yourself-from-Fraud-English-2nd-edition.pdf

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Hi, John,
I received the McMaster e-mail, too, which is very helpful. I began following the site after you recommended it not too long ago. So, thanks for that.
Also, I clicked on the link for the booklet and it looks like it will be helpful, as well.
Again, thanks for the great recommendations. Much appreciated.

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@edsutton

John-
These are great resources!
I'm printing out the booklet so I can read it patiently with pencil in hand.

Is my concern "over the top?"
Well, if I lose my savings to a scam, I don't have a way to replace them.

Lately I've noticed how often on-line purchase items offer extended monthly payment options.
I try to practice very simple, unromantic economics. I pay cash for everything. By paying cash, I have to look at the cost "straight in the eye," very different than thinking "It will just cost $35 a month."
Beware vague thinking about money.

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edsutton,
I like your phrase ‘vague thinking’ about money.
Well put. I have been guilty of this. Sometimes, delirious thinking about money. Like at Christmas or grandchildren’s birthdays.

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@edsutton

We need to be aware that internet and phone scams are now making use of AI technologies to produce much more convincing scams. Until recently scams were made obvious by misspellings and language errors and clumsy graphic design. Over recent weeks I've received phishing scam emails of much higher quality. For me the scams were evident because they referred to banks and credit card companies with which I have no accounts.

Rule #1 is to never respond emotionally to any emails or phone calls. Scammers seek to control us by hooking our feelings. Pause, breathe, think, talk with a trusted person.
Rule #2 is never click on any unsolicited email link. This can download malware on your computer.
Rule #3 is contact your bank, payment company, IRS, Social Security, medical provider, etc. via your online account, independently of the frightening email.

As old folks, we can sometimes be easily frightened. We need to have our defenses planned and practiced.
What are other ways we can protect ourselves?

Jump to this post

Ed, this is EXCELLENT advice. I think that maybe your entire post should be printed and sent to every single social security recipient with their annual statement. Well, too late this year, already got my statement, but... yes, no matter how intelligent or "street smart" we think we are, none of us is truly ten-foot-tall-and-bulletproof.... like we used to be!

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