Connect
Separated coparent to a terminally ill dad
I am not a caregiver, but a coparent with someone who has stage 4 cancer. My child is preschool aged and they are with their dad 50% of the time. He has stopped all treatments except for self-medicating. I am worried about my child’s safety but do not know where to turn. We are in a legal battle to address this but no one has expertise on our specific problem and it is a lengthy process. I want to respect my coparent’s privacy but I also want to know that my child is safe. We do not know if the cancer has spread more because he has discontinued all care including primary care. I have contacted CPS, police, medical social workers, counselors, ect and no one can help me since he has not broke any laws and I have no physical evidence of abuse. Please guide me to resources and education on how to handle this type of situation.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.
Connect
@greentreebluesea What a difficult situation for your child and you! If there is another responsible adult in the household there might not be much you can do at this point. If your preschooler is alone with someone who is self-medicating, that's quite different, especially if you suspect that the meds are coming off the street or he is abusing alcohol. Then I would suggest that you contact a family law attorney and file an emergency petition with the courts.
Is your child able to express what is happening at Dad's? Do they seem clean, rested and fed when they come to your house, or are there signs Dad is no longer able to provide care?
If you are unable to communicate with Dad's or child well enough to do a good assessment, ask for a guardian ad litem to be appointed. They will have access to both homes and parents to form their opinion fot the court.
Is your child getting help to process what is happening?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
6 ReactionsThere is no other adult in the home consistently unfortunately. My child has been in counseling. The self-medication is medical marijuana (RSO). The main issues have been his rage and confusion. I have an attorney but the lawyers and judge know very little about the medical side of this and there is little we can do without HIPAA. My daughter has expressed concerns with me and her counselor (the reason we are in court) but it is legal to emotionally abuse a child in my state so they have done very little and I have received little help. Everyone is scared to get involved in a case involving a dying parent.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionHIPAA does NOT mean that the judge cannot question your ex and get the information from him. Reports of rage and confusion are enough to pose a PHYSICAL danger to a preschooler. As far as I know that is not ok in any state . Those people need to step up.
Can you get a basic phone for your daughter and program it so she can call you or another trusted adult in an emergency? What if Dad becomes unconscious or dies while she is there?
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsI have been quite horrified at how this has played out to be honest. Him and his family have been dishonest with the judge when asked about it. She is too young for a phone and I do not believe her dad would allow her to use one in his home. I have taught her how to dial 911 and told her to get a neighbor if something happens and if mom or dad ever didn’t wake up and no one else was around to tell. I am heartbroken and devastated and terrified.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactions@greentreebluesea This whole situation has me upset also! Someone needs to step in! I love @sueinmn’s suggestion about getting a guardian ad litem involved. They are for the child’s welfare alone, not the parent’s. Or maybe call a child abuse hotline.
Have you read any of the discussions in the children’s and teens support group? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/childrens-and-teens-health/
Stay in touch with us
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI will check into this. Thank you
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 Reaction