What to do now? Son relapsed after rehab, miss him

I had to check that this is Michael88 with whom we all have been corresponding for the last few days. Michael, it breaks my heart that you have lost your son despite all your efforts and all the love in your heart. Alcoholism and drug addiction are two of the most evil things on Earth. You did everything you could. for your son. Thank God you had your son for as long as you did and were able to share your lives. Time to heal and live a good future. Grieve, and then start rebuilding your own world.

Michael88,

my condolences on losing your son. Addiction is a disease that tells you that you don't have a disease. Addiction does not discriminate.
Please take care of yourself and if you're able to, please share your story with others so maybe, maybe someone's life will be spared.

I encourage you to stay in contact With him, the disease of addiction can be very lonely. It peels away at who we are and degrades our relationships to something they’re not however like it is the basic text narcotics anonymous it can be arrested. I also encourage you to have hope love is stronger than Addiction I believe. I also encourage you to go to Al-Anon. My family stayed With me through six rehabs. My son came and picked me up and said we’re leaving today. I may not done it for myself at the time and I may have relapsed after that today after 57 days I am sober and clean the Haven detox and farmers branch at Dallas. Medical Center is outstanding and aggressive And helping the attic and alcoholic serenity house in Abilene Pine Street in Fort Worth and The Right Step in Houston all helped me tremendously and getting a sponsor getting a home group going to meetings and especially staying real connected those first couple weeks after treatment sometimes it’s like falling off a cliff after you get out of a really controlled environment, where you’re safe to fall back into old routines I found it really helpful to me to be a very structured environment. Salvation Army has program called Start and Simon Where there’s a lot of accountability. This is my experience strength, and you in my prayers.
Blessings

@michael88, I just wanted to check in to see how you and your family are doing. I know these first days after a loss are busy, so don't feel obligated to respond. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you and the incredible sadness you must be experiencing.

Sending you a gentle, virtual embrace.

We are getting by, but it seems to be getting harder. The reminders are constant and never ending. It’s been 2 weeks since his passing, the shock is wearing off and reality is setting in. My sadness is almost overwhelming. We start a group grief counseling in February. Thank you for your thoughtfulness.

Have you spoken with your family doctor for a reference? Also, your insurance company has coaches that can advise.

I ... am .... so .... sorry .....
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I had been following your post and being someone who has been very much interested in the mental health subject, and knowing that people do relapse up to three times before they recover, obviously therefore I was hoping for things will turn out in your favor.

Now as I sit staring outside my window into the vast stretched out grayness ... and having read ... yes I did have to read again to be sure what I'm reading --- what tragedy had indeed fallen on you. So, in disbelief and deep sorrow, all I have to offer is to share with you as a fellow soul on this planet who too grieves with you.

I am not sure what helps a caring father who loses his son this way. There will always be things that happen in life that we won't know.

I hope you find courage -- and company -- to share the weight of your grief.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's a constant worry for you and a second by second struggle for him. I know because I have been through it. What most folks don't understand is that the medication literally changes your brain. So your son's brain is no longer like yours. All he wants is relief. Most "other" people, maybe even yourself, think that that is an excuse, or a lack of willpower. It's not. If you had to sit just one minute with your son's brain, you would be screaming for relief. And running to the 1st liquor store. Relief in any way that you can get it, hence the alcohol. It turns a brain into a continuous repeat of the same old song and dance. Obsessively worrying of what you have caused your loved ones to go through, incredible anxiety. really, really, monstrous anxiety. Can you imagine every second, every, minute, every hour, every day, every week, every month for four months? Now that's strength. That's willpower. He goes through that for you. He wants to be "normal". He wants to be like his siblings. Unfortunately the Xanax has irreversibly changed his brain chemistry and the pathways in his brain. He has zero ability to make the worry and anxiety to go away or just please please l
dissipate for a bit. A lot of folks say that these people are selfish, narcissistic, weak. Not always true. Sometimes sure, there's those types in every demographic. But some just not strong enough to fight through it one more day. Honestly, I don't have advice to give you. I wish that I did. I just wanted you to know that your son is not doing this to hurt you. Sometimes our pain is too great to survive one more day. And sometimes we just give up. The only advice that I can offer is by no means fund his addiction. Really the only way that he is going to feel ok without his Xanax is medication for addiction. Suboxone is a very good medication. And no, it's not trading one addiction for another. And no, you cannot get high on it. In fact Suboxone has Naloxone in it that prohibits the euphoria from opiods. It takes time, but the longer you are on it, along with therapy to deal with the guilt from the harm that has been caused, the better you will feel and the stability will come. And he may have to be on it a very long time. These pathways in the brain aren't healed anymore than someone's heart is healed from heart medication. I don't understand why folks cannot understand that. But that's a whole other conversation. I wish you and your family the very best and hope that your son's finds the help that he needs.

I have been following your posts but just saw the one about the loss of your son. I am so sorry. I understand grief and loss. I hope you are or can find help for yourself.