1. < Caregivers

Stubborn partner

Posted by denise96 @denise96, 5 days ago

Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.

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denise96 | @denise96 | 3 days ago
In reply to @larryg333 "@denise96 and the group -- Just wanted to chime in and say "stubborn" patients come in..." + (show)
@larryg333

@denise96 and the group -- Just wanted to chime in and say "stubborn" patients come in both genders... got one over here.

It's a MAJOR challenge to get her to increase fluids... partake in physical exercise... do recommended brain "exercises," or follow through on other medical suggestions (related to diet, lifestyle, etc).

FRUSTRATING.

/LarryG

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I hear you. I really hear you. It is so hard and frustrating when they don't seem to want to help themselves. Of course, I might be the same if I was in that position. It is hard to say. I would hope not, but when your life takes a turn like that, maybe you just figure it is not worth it.

REPLY
jsea | @jsea | 3 days ago
In reply to @bmrus "It is reassuring to hear others feel the level of frustration that I do and that..." + (show)
@bmrus

It is reassuring to hear others feel the level of frustration that I do and that this is a normal feeling as a caregiver. My husband does not have cancer, but has a myriad of health issues (diabetes, heart condition, neuropathy, mild cognitive issues). He is battling depression, which is being treated by our primary physician, but he refuses to go to therapy. He is very rude at times and his level of frustration is hard to deal with at times. I try to remember that he has lost his driving privileges and no longer can perform some of the basic everyday tasks.

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I am my brothers caretaker. dealing with an angry & depressed brother who is about to have BMT. He cusses a lot, blames everyone from government to family for life issues. He complained a lot before he got sick and now 10 times worse.
My heart goes out to anyone who is in similar circumstances. Hugs❤️

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2 replies
denise96 | @denise96 | 3 days ago
In reply to @jsea "I am my brothers caretaker. dealing with an angry & depressed brother who is about to..." + (show)
@jsea

I am my brothers caretaker. dealing with an angry & depressed brother who is about to have BMT. He cusses a lot, blames everyone from government to family for life issues. He complained a lot before he got sick and now 10 times worse.
My heart goes out to anyone who is in similar circumstances. Hugs❤️

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What does bmt mean? It must be very frustrating for you to deal with this. today, I am beginning to feel like a servant. all i heard was "get me this, get me that. dont forget an ice cube in my milk. the soup is not warm enough there is too much broth." and on and on. well tomorrow I am going shopping with my mom and I can't wait. I asked him if he would be OK and he said yes. I did msg my son and asked him to check in on him either in person or by phone. In the 27 years since my husband moved from pittsburgh to where I live, he has not made any friends. He is not a social person and never tried to be a friend to anyone. NOw when he could use someone to sit with him for awhile, there is no one he can call. Sad but true. Hang in there. Have you tried duck tape? lol

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1 reply
Mentor
Lori, Volunteer Mentor | @loribmt | 3 days ago
In reply to @jsea "I am my brothers caretaker. dealing with an angry & depressed brother who is about to..." + (show)
@jsea

I am my brothers caretaker. dealing with an angry & depressed brother who is about to have BMT. He cusses a lot, blames everyone from government to family for life issues. He complained a lot before he got sick and now 10 times worse.
My heart goes out to anyone who is in similar circumstances. Hugs❤️

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Hi @jsea and welcome to Connect. I’m so sorry you’re feeling the brunt of your brother’s anger and depression with his cancer journey.
You mention that he is scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant. We have a growing number of members, along with myself who have had bone marrow transplants (SCT or BMT). One of the many special things about Connect is the ability to talk with members who have first hand experience with many illness, cancers, surgeries, and treatments such a as a bone marrow transplant. It can be so helpful and comforting to speak with someone who has walked the walk.

What can I help you or your brother with as he prepares for his transplant? I can provide you with links for information for Caregivers and patients.
What type of cancer does he have which is requires the transplant?

REPLY
jsea | @jsea | 13 hours ago
In reply to @denise96 "What does bmt mean? It must be very frustrating for you to deal with this. today,..." + (show)
@denise96

What does bmt mean? It must be very frustrating for you to deal with this. today, I am beginning to feel like a servant. all i heard was "get me this, get me that. dont forget an ice cube in my milk. the soup is not warm enough there is too much broth." and on and on. well tomorrow I am going shopping with my mom and I can't wait. I asked him if he would be OK and he said yes. I did msg my son and asked him to check in on him either in person or by phone. In the 27 years since my husband moved from pittsburgh to where I live, he has not made any friends. He is not a social person and never tried to be a friend to anyone. NOw when he could use someone to sit with him for awhile, there is no one he can call. Sad but true. Hang in there. Have you tried duck tape? lol

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Haha! like your duck tape idea..just kidding. BMT is bone marrow transplant .
He has a 50/50 chance of surviving it & up to a year to feeling back to a “normal “ life. Sometimes it helps to change the subject if he starts talking critically of others, etc. or sometimes I just have to leave the room. Btw how was your shopping trip w your mom?

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