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Caregiving a husband is hard. And yes this whole thing is hard on him too. My husband is a veteran and was exposed to agent orange in Vietnam. He
is suffering from it all now and I sympathize for him. But I get so tired of everything being about him. Everything we have to talk about, everything we do, everywhere we go. I'm not a wife, I'm a caregiver! It's hard to be a wife when you are in charge of doing everything by yourself. And I have so much equipment in my house it looks like a nursing home. He's up all night and wakes me up. And I put in 19 hour days mostly. I get grouchy and I'm tired. But I try to endure and be compassionate. I hear people asking him how he's doing but no one asks me the caregiver how I'm doing. Sometimes I want to scream, go nuts, hang myself (don't worry I won't). This is not how I feel all the time but I really wish we could have more joy in our life. I ask the Lord to help me through this phase of my life. I just hope it doesn't kill me. I know I need to take care of myself so that I can take care of him. Que sera sera, it is what it is and I can only take it one day at a time. 🙏Jesus!
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"It's hard to be a wife when you are in charge of doing everything by yourself. "
That's a perfect sentence to describe the way I feel.
I'm new to the group, and have been reading through posts, and this thread caught my attention. My husband has had lung cancer, COPD, spine surgery, heart problems,ED, leg swelling .... starting with the lung cancer diagnosed in 2011. It's been a slow death of his capabilities, and our relationship. I'm not at all maternal (no kids), and I have never felt the need or desire to be responsible for or control another person's life. But now, I'm responsible for both of us ... and everything around the house and ... everything, period. But yet, I never seem to do anything right, in his opinion. I get so angry ! His frustration at not being able to do things manifests as super-controlling behavior toward me. And then he wants to be intimate! (Which is kinda tough, considering ....)
It does help to "spit it out" ... thanks for listening
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I am so sorry that you are having such a hard timem but I can understand what you are going through. Although my husband does not go anywhere I go, it is because he can't. But then again, he never did go anywhere with me. But if you want to scream, go into your bedroom and scream into your pillow. And if you do hang yourself, (I know you won't) just use a thin thread. Better yet, hang him. lol
Guess I have been fortunate in that many of my friends and family do ask how I am doing. But then again many of these people were caregivers themselves so they know the frustrations we go through. So, I know how you are feeling. I believe the situation here may get worse, as he decided he does not want to continue his chemo treatments. Of course, I supported him in his decision because he has just suffered so much from the side affects. But I don't know what to expect from here on in. Like you, I try to take it just one day at a time. And yes, help us Jesus. God bless you. I am going to attend an online zoom meeting for caregivers that I found on here. They have them every thursday. Just to see what goes on. But I did not sign up for tomorrow, I am waiting til the 16th. You may want to look into that.