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I’ve Really Done it This Time
Hello, in late October, after my then great therapist unilaterally decided to drop me as a client, I was beyond beside myself. I hit my head on my kitchen cabinet while getting something out of my oven,
. After it happened,I just kept moving, which is what I do… later while on the phone with my friend I reached back to the top of my head and realized it was “ bloodier than a stuck pig, at which point I called my insurance company “ virtual 24/7 care service.” The woman admonished me for taking 4 Norco in a 16 hour period ( i have chronic back pain and will be having surgery soon), and and said “ well you did not lose consciousness so you don’t have a concussion..” I knew better, but it was late, raining and the person I usually call “ just in case “ had dumped because she thought I had joined the wrong church…I recently joined the episcopal church in an effort to meet like minded people etc. In any case,I spent Election Day in the ER , and the CT SCAN was negative. However, the meds given by my neurologist caused early glaucoma, and now I have to get laser treatment. It’s all good, except for the fact that I feel like a wind up toy. My already existing anxiety has increased tenfold and I’m unable to relax. I’m walking five miles a day, it’s helping; however ,given it’s holiday season, I feel more depressed than normal, even though I my father died on Boxing Day in 1995. It’s just never been the same. And I’ve been staying with my big sister for the past three weeks, and we had the first argument ever. All because I was trying to help her…she screamed at me,” it’s your fault that you don’t have any family, just me..” Later I asked her, “ if all you feel is pity for me, then I don’t want you in my life…” Oh goodness, I have another sister who disowned me five years ago, and suddenly I feel totally abandoned and alone. I’ve made arrangements to try to connect with yet another therapist, but right now all of my feelings feel magnified by hundreds, and I know it’s because of my concussion. Does anyone have some suggestions for me? I’m listening to some great podcasts, walking eating the best stuff, but I’m so sad that I can’t even describe it. I’m sorry, I rarely feel so desperate, usually figuring out how to get through this, but right now I feel really alone and lost. Thank you for reading my post.
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Thinking of you. Todsy I attend for the first time a brain injury support group. I had a craniotomy over 10 1/2 years ago. It has been a long climb back up forward. I listen to podcasts too. That continue the process of neuroplasticity
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1 Reactionin reply to @kb2014 Thank you. This concussion is making be insane. I keep losing things, using the Find My iPhone app every other day, cannot remember who I told what or when and keep sending the same email to the same person....madness. And I noticed something else, I can't stop talking when I meet a new person. It is like I am suddenly, Miss personality! I mean I love talking, but I can see that I might be "talking to much." Not saying negative things, just laughing and talking with strangers in the store, which is not necessarily a bad thing because I made a new friend today at Walmart of all places.....I had to call the diagnostic imaging place this morning and tell them I may need some assistance for my MRI tomorrow as I have to reprogram my neurostimulator into MRI mode, and between the valium for the claustraphobia, the anxiety over the test and then have to strip every item of clothing off because they are so afraid of metal fibers, it drives me insane. Last time the woman was so rude to me because I showed her the label that said my undershirt was 100 percent cotton and it was obvious I was not wearing a mesh outfit ,if you know what I mean....crazy. It is hard enough to get a mammogram, and getting the MRI has me over the top anxious. I will be lucky if I sleep at all tonight just thinking about the appointment. Take care and thank you for thinking about me. I have lost 6 pounds, all related to the concussion. NO appetite....I eat when I am hungry which is usually at some weird hour like 0300.and I have to decide if it is worth it to get up, fix something and then climb into bed again to get warm...6 more months of this, and my sister just doesn't "get it." "you look fine to me....." yeah right
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1 Reactionin reply to @lisalucier Thank you. I am a writer and actually wrote an article and published it earlier. It was about my father who died 29 years ago today, and while looking for a quote to add to my article, I found one that "said it all.'
"You don't know hate until your family comes against you." That summed it up for me.
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2 ReactionsOh, friend told me about an app that has free ebooks, and I am going to try to find it. Gosh, 6 more months of this and I am going to go insane...mostly because of the dexamethadose that I never should have asked for.
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