Morbid question: I'm really afraid of finding my husband dead

I don't know that. But I will find out. We do have a social worker that helped us out with gas cards to help with the gas we need in traveling back and forth which was very helpful.

Good idea. Something to remember for future reference. Thanks.

We have met with hospice. They won’t help until Bill stops all treatments. We are still treating with Imunotherapy.

Oh, wow! I don't think he is at the end of life stage, but I dont know how long I can put up with this crazy behavior when his co2 level goes up. If fact, he is acting the same way he was acting when I had to call an ambulance for him on dec 15th. I called the oncology nurse and she told me that I should either take him to the ER or call an ambulance. He refuses to go. I had to go out of the house for a few hours and when I got back he was standing in front of the keurig machine. The glass sugar container was on the machine where you would put the cup and it was full of coffee. Also, I noticed that the top of the machine was broken. It still works but you have to hold the top down while it is pouring out. This morning, he was eating sugar out of the glass container. The he tried to light his cigarette with his inhaler. When I said something to him, he said,"Don't bark at me." I don't believe this is chemo related. This is signs of respiratory distress. His co2 levels are rising again. But he has tied my hands again. I am getting so tired and depressed over this all. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass.

Is he on oxygen? Has he had a recent brain scan?

No and No. He has oxygen which he does not use often, although I tell him he should be using it. He had a brain scheduled for 12/20 but he was in the hospital and they were supposed to do it , there but the checked himself out of the hospital AMA. I had him blowing up balloons and using his spirometer yesterday, but not as of today yet. When i work up this morning, he had made coffee AGAIN without a cup under it and that is about the 4th time he has done this. So I cleaned up the coffee that was all over the place because it overflowed the catcher thing at the bottom of the keurig. His cigarettes were all over the place. He is constantly nodding off like a drug addict. This whole situation is terrible. The brain scan is scheduled for January 9 now. He has a phone video with his palliative doctor today at 11:45. Hopefull the doctor will be able to hear how he is talking and perhaps advise me of what to do. If Joe hasn't nodded off yet.

Denise, my gosh, gurl… You’re under unimaginable stress taking care of your husband who doesn’t seem to care about his health at all anymore. I guess from his perspective, he’s pretty much convinced this is the end of the line so he’s just going to take the drugs, smoke his multiple packs of cigarettes and the heck with everything else. As you suggested, that combination of strong narcotics, Xanax, caffeine and nicotine are all impacting his cognitive ability.

You are between a rock and a hard spot, my dear. I hope you’re able to sit in with the Palliative care doctor visit today. Are you able to have a list of questions to ask for yourself? That doctor needs to know about the extra meds your husband is taking, his declining behavioral skills with simple tasks such as making coffee, and such. Don’t hesitate to ask for direction on how to get the best help for both your husband AND you!

I hope you are able to take decompression breaks. I’m more worried about you than your husband, quite frankly. You’re bearing a load of stress trying to care for your partner who has basically given up. I’m a hugger and there’s nothing I want more right now than to reach through this computer and give you a bear hug! You need support.

Do you have friends or family nearby to lend a hand or personally be there for moral support?

My husband has dementia and when his Co2 level went up he was more confused than ever. He became combative in the hospital and was restrained.

My fear for you is the danger of your husband in this condition using appliances, smoking, being left alone, even if for only a minute. Things can go wrong so quickly and this doesn't sound like a safe situation. The hospital assigned my husband a sitter so he was never alone not for a second, until they got him back to his baseline.

Please call 911 if you become concerned. The medics may be able to convince him to go to the ER. They can also point you to resources in your area for help. In our area they had a social worker check on me because they were concerned about my well being. The state paid for this.

Praying you both will be ok.

Thank you for your understanding and kind words. I do have family but they are about 30 minutes away which isn't that far but they all still work. My mother lives on my property but she is 92 and still fairly healthy but I don't want to put this on her. We did not get to talk to the palliative doctor as no one called at 11:45. I called and the woman said she did not have an appt for him. She said it was for January 24. I thought I must be losing it also, but I found the card and it definitely said December 24, 2024. Then she said it had been cancelled and I told her we were never notified. The palliative care doctors are the ones that prescribed these pills for my husband. 80 mg oxycodone which I give him, 20mg of xtampa (oxycontin er9) and xanax two a day. Tonight I have been really sad. I am not really feeling this holiday and really did not want to do my small christmas dinner with some family, but I was worried that this could be his last christmas. I am doing it for him. He went to bed this afternoon at 4 and is still sleeping. He never sleeps well, so I don't want to wake him up. I just heard him cough so I know at least he is still alive. Sorry that was not very nice to say. Thanks again and have a very Merry Christmas!

Thank you for your concern. I do need a sitter for him at times, but I have no one to ask and I cant afford to pay anyone. Both of my sons work. The youngest is 40 and he can't be counted on for anything. He only lives 10 minutes away. I called him today around 1:00 this afternoon and asked him if he could just stop over long enough to look at the TV.. Somehow my husband screwed it up. He has no idea anymore of what he is doing. I know nothing about the settings etc on TVs. Well, he never showed up. I texted him twice and he never even botherd to answer me. So I am not happy with him,but he does this all the time. He is not much help to me at all. My oldest son who lives 30 minutes offered to come out this evening and look at it but I told him not to do that tonight.He is a big help. Just wish him and his wife lived closer. But when my brother is here tomorrow, I will have him check the fire alarms and make sure they are working right But I agree. Something needs to be done and done soon. He lost his glasses today and I looked and looked. Who knows where he may have put them. I hope he has the money to buy a new pair because I sure don't. That is another thing. I had a part time job which I have to quit so I can be home with him. He doesn't even realize that I have been home everyday for the last 2 weeks. Thank you for your prayers. I sure have been doing alot of praying myself. I need to stay strong. Have a MERRY CHIRSTMAS!