Having long COVID, how is your mental health?

Depressed. How can you not feel that way when you are so tired and weak all the time?(The rest of my long Covid symptoms have greatly improved.) I have no energy which prevents me from getting things done which in turn makes me more depressed. It’s a vicious cycle. My husband became a paraplegic 9 years ago and our son who lives with us is autistic. Our other son lives close by & is terrific but I want him to have a life so I try to do as much as I can. Unfortunately, it is what it is.

Hi M!
Oh, I am right there with you! In varying degrees since June of 2021. But I got covid three more times after that. January was the last time. No one wants to hear my pain. Not after the initial concern. It's ongoing so I'm invisible. I have been the caregiver, but no one is the caregiver for me. It's been a roller coaster. I have felt better, then I do something (like go away for a weekend) and then I feel worse for weeks. Now it's even worse. I am worn out by a simple evening out. I too know others are worse off, but that doesn't help me feel better. I have lost all that I once enjoyed. I was super active and loving it. I loved hiking and singing and serving and leading and writing and going to plays and singing in concerts and going to concerts. Now I can do none of it. My "fun" is now occasionally finding a funny movie or zoning out playing a stupid phone app. Even reading or writing is often too hard for my brain. I have lost hope. I am tired of resting. I do appreciate going and sitting in my backyard in the sun, but it is not warm enough very much of the day. I have tried to accept it and just rest, but I am tired of resting and it doing no good - seeing no benefit or lasting improvement. Tired of eating super healthy with no results. I want my cookies and hot chocolate and tea and coffee and movie popcorn. Tired of constant setbacks. I wish someone could just put me in a temporary coma and wake me when it's over.
I crave silence and solitude. No stimulation. But that's not really possible. The only time I really got better was 10 days alone in a prayer cabin on the side of a mountain near the ocean. I wish I could live there until this is over.

I was diagnosed on December 2020 and suffered horribly debilitating headaches, no energy, no taste, no smell, and memory loss. I have had the low energy off and on and the headaches seem to happen when I’m very stressed anymore. My friend/co-worker & I contracted it at the same time and helped each other with the memory loss. We came up with looking at social media, checking our phones (Siri was on over-time), calendars, to check events, dates, & timelines. Asking someone discretely, as not to alert them that you couldn’t remember. Writing a lot in a journal and calling each other when we just couldn’t remember to support one another. It was tough but eventually got better. I still have the low energy off & on and had one of those headaches last week. So I understand how you are feeling and yes, we should count our blessings.

To gigi2018 —

Thank you for sharing your LC experience with such artful writing. So vivid a description of such a devastating change in quality of life! It draws me in, and I keep re-reading it.

Please tell us more about your 10 days alone in a prayer cabin: Did you have a prior contemplative practice?

— friedrich

Thank you, @shashig, for responding. On bad LC days, I want to just scream at anyone who might help. It's that those who are fortunate to never having had any problems that just think it's 'not real' - that too many do not have long COVID -- tho' you can't tell by looking at most of us and until/unless we kvetch (I do!) they don't know. Since I'm self-employed, it's tough to admit having an illness or that I can't work the hours I always did. Yet, I can be, in hopes brain fog doesn't become the next symptom, work well.

THAT too is the other surprise: the more I read the more it is fascinating that it can be a number of years later when symptoms occur or worsen. My hearing was a gradual loss and I probably didn't notice it because of the tinnitus. That then is the question of what and for how long will this impact us and I realize it's impossible to know except for those who experienced this in 2020 and are continuing to experience it. That too makes me wonder, because I traveled for work with long airport layovers, in early March (returning just before long-down), if I had it then too. We weren't masking - just wearing gloves and wiping down anything that moved or didn't. No tests yet. And I was always tired after travel and don't remember if I had other symptoms; I wasn't looking. They know the virus can live on in people. Hoping there will be tests to find out.

To us!
JE

Isn't it? That's what is, if I can look objectively at this, so frustrating. It starts with too little sleep and then showering and dressing even enough for Zoom meetings is exhausting.

Yes, my quality of life, which my medical practitioners do not understand, is kaput. They tell me to be patient! When one is healthy, it's not understood except by those of us going through it.

Hi all,
I have just found this group. I was actually looking for something maybe more intimate but landed on here. I was so frustrated with family members not believing me or thinking I'm not doing this right, have I tried that, etc. This disease has financially devastated me so no, not making this up!
I wake up each day and I talk to my Higher Power (whom I call God). I remind myself as often as I must throughout the day to let go of that which I cannot change. I try to make connections with people when I do go out but if I'm doing that, that means I am pushing myself and I will pay for it and land back in bed miserable. Sometimes it's worth it and sometimes it's not. So, I guess it comes down to I live one moment at a time. Peace be with all of us. 🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

Great question. I too have sought therapy help recently. I just couldn't stand that I was listening to my own brain so much and going in circles. Plus my Primary Doctor has washed his hands of me. Surprisingly, it is helping. But she admitted she cannot know what I am feeling and what it is like. She has encouraged me to not make LC "my life". At first I was mad after all I had just told her about how I feel physically and how long this has been going on, etc etc. And she says, "Don't make LC your life." After considering it, LC is my life. I couldn't see a way out of that. But then I began trying to explore getting out of my head and not thinking about how I am feeling all day, every day. It's a given for me that my body is not my own right now. So some self care will only do me good. ❤️‍🩹

***Sorry, I thought I was answering two different questions. 🤦🏻‍♀️

To jgolle --

Thank you for your detailed comments on the matter of (a) being so attached to your identity as someone with LC, and then (b) deciding to try to loosen up your attachment to that identity.

Perhaps our Moderator, Colleen, can direct you to some support groups that meet on Zoom in real time. (I believe that there are several out there.) They would be a source of more intimate connection to others.

Also, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) has been of help to many people with chronic illness. I suggest that you ask your therapist and Colleen about this.

Wishing you improved health, in mind and body, in the New Year!

~friedrich