Many Kinds of Grief

@mcden Welcome to Mayo Connect. You're right, there are many different forms of grief. I really don't believe any type of grief is more trivial than another. It is a loss we feel as an individual, and while someone else may not feel/acknowledge its importance to themselves, to you it can be a major concern.

It is natural to feel a loss as we age. Friends, family members, loss from retiring from a career, loss of independence as our physical capabilities may no longer allow us to achieve what we used to do. What can you do to move forward through this grief? Listening to music, perhaps? Working to bring music to schools, to students who might not have a chance to experience what you did? Is there a group you can bring together to help youngsters learn music?
Ginger

Mcden,
I'm so sorry to hear this! That must be so hard for you! I love beautiful music! Are there any recordings of your talent that the rest of us could hear or purchase and enjoy ? That may help you psychologically and I'd love it! What kind of music did you play?

Also there is always prayer. Pray continually and let God know that you would love to be able to play as you did before with the talent that he gave you! Miracles do happen and December is the month of miracles! I will say a prayer for you and I wish you the best.
Merry Christmas!
PML

@mcden Like you I am at the age where friends and family have died. I decided awhile back to reconnect with people I'd been close to when I was younger. Remember those days when all we had was our land lines and long distance charges were prohibitively expensive? And we communicated by writing letters that we sent through the post office? Now I can text my friends and family I have reconnected with and talk as long as I want. That has felt good and has been helpful with grieving those I have lost.

I am not a professional musician. I do play some instruments (guitar and mandolin) and I sing. It's the singing that I love so much that I joined a university-based choir and the choir director chooses music that is both stunningly beautiful and difficult. I am imagining how I would feel if I could no longer sing. It would be a whole other level of grief. Just as you indicated in your post.

How are you managing the grief you wrote about? Does it help to share your grief with others who are professional musicians?

Yes, there are different types of grief besides the loss of a loved one. People lose their pets, their jobs, get terminal health news etc.
A church in my town has a special Blue Christmas service. It’s a grief service where people will receive a message of comfort and encouragement. Amen

Hi Jerry,
I think a Blue Christmas church service is brilliant. It acknowledges how depressing the
Holidays can be for traumatized people surrounded by cheer. Amen indeed.

Hi Helen,
It has been very comforting to receive responses to my post. In answer to your question about how I am managing my grief - I have never really opened up about the depth of the grief to anyone before I postedhere. It was pounded into us as children "Don't be the blues coming." "Just pull your socks up." was another old saying that has kept me silent.
You mentioned you are a singer - and in a choir - good for you. I am also
a singer. Perhaps I will start reaching out to other musicians and explore
singing opportunities. Thank you for responding. It means alot.

@mcden If you are close in age to me (I'm 72 yeas old) then we are of the generation where our emotions were diminished and we were told to toughen up. After all, my parents made it through the Great Depression and WWII so what did I have to complain about?

I'd like to think that my ability to find harmony with others at impromptu jam sessions is from the many years I sang in choir as a teen. What kind of music do you like to sing?

Here is a piece that our choir did last Spring. It's representative of some of the music we do and I just fell in love with singing this. I'm Alto 1 and can sometimes sing Soprano 2.

Sainte-Chapelle by Eric Whitacre (we did an all Eric Whitacre program last Spring):

-- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8zlmMuC8og

Grieving this kind of loss can be among the most difficult, because it wasn't inevitable.

On Christmas Eve, 2018, I had a stroke that cost me the use of my right side. All at once, I lost my career, my hobbies, most of my "friends", my independence, and much else. I was an active writer, but suddenly I could only type one-handed, slowly and poorly. Maddening!

I had (and retain) hope of further significant recovery even six years later, but I know it's not likely.

What I have done is channel my grief into something that helps others. I offer talks to groups about my experience to help encourage, inspire, and support others.

I also have a YouTube channel to help others who are going through traumatic changes.
Please have a look. Maybe it will help you, too.
https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos

I was never as talented as you/ a musician! I was a certified dental asst for 40 years. Lots of wear and tear on hands. 63 now and trying to do my best to embroider: crochet as long as I can. Some days I cannot tie a simple knot! Thank God I love to read/ walk on treadmill/ ride stationary bike. Just need to develop other options. Podcasts can be very good in all subjects. Good Luck to you!

That’s exactly what my mother used to say - “stop whining”
But this past year I lost a beloved yellow lab, my husband of 58 years and just yesterday a shepherd mix that has helped me through all the other losses and I am so sad. I adopted her at age 8 last March and her death was unexpected and too quick. I was looking forward to at least a few years with her.