Dementia patient all of sudden starts being angry at one person?

@robertwills What I have seen with anger episodes, is that the person may be feeling anxious or afraid of something. You are the object of her anger because she feels safe with you. (I keep saying ‘she’ and ‘her’
Because I think this is your spouse.)
https://www.myalzteam.com/resources/symptoms-of-alzheimers? I think this information may be helpful as it discusses the stages of Alzheimer’s.
This Mayo Clinic’s way has new information all the time. It may be useful for you.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/dementia-hub
I’m going to let the more experienced members give you some advice now and I’ll sign off.

Thanks. What I will say is the Alzheimer's patient is only directing the anger at one particular person. A person who visits almost every day. They are not angry at all with other residents, aides or other family members. There was absolutely no incidents between the two people to cause it. As Indicated above it was totally unexpected and just happened.

There is often no rhyme or reason with dementia and changing behaviors, once the obvious causes of pain and hunger are ruled out. I would suggest the person visiting daily to cut back on the visits to twice weekly for just an hour and to do something while there. Being expected to chat or to answer questions can be infuriating, especially if the person has decided they are angry with the visitor. I find movement works well- pushing the person around the facility, pointing out this and that (lots of holiday decorations now), going outside to the patio or walkway if the weather is good.
It’s important to respect the person’s moods, if they’re angry- say, “Good-bye for now, see you soon”, and leave. It will be hard not to feel rejected and sad, but the disease is messing with their mind, it’s not you.

Maybe if the person stopped visiting for a while, the person who is angry would forget and react differently when seeing the person again.
Who knows what the angry person may be imagining or associating the person (object of anger) with?
Sometimes, when my husband is angry about something, I ask him why he's angry and he tells me. Then I can get some insight into how he's thinking.
My husband has no short term memory to speak of, yet he's developed a fixation on a certain person, that comes and goes. This person is his "frenemy", but sometimes when I mention the person's name, he asks me who he is.
We just have to go with the flow, keep our wits about us, and try to manuever through this maze of befuddlement with as much grace as possible.

Thank you! I tried walking with the person, which they like to do and which we did all the time, but they were cursing at me and threatening me with their hands. I am going to take a little beak now and maybe that will work.

It's so hard to see the person that used to be in there. You know they're there because they pop out at times, and that's wonderful. It feels so damn good. But, most of the time it's not someone you know. And sometimes it's not someone you like. It's hard. Try to remember the person you knew before. They're still in there somewhere (from what I've read). I try to believe that.

Actually I have found that the person has aged in their brain, just like aging in other parts of the body. That's they way it comes across to me. Like for example, wrinkles on the skin. The skin and body is very different than I remember for many years but it's still the same person. Same with the brain. The essence of the person is there and always will be. Some times the out of character behavior is funny. The angry behavior is not but it isn't like they are not themselves. They never will be.

Hi @robertwills, I think it's wise to take a break, maybe for a week or two, so the pattern of the angry repetitive behavior will be broken and may be replaced with something else.
A counselor from the Alzheimer's Association told me that emotional memory lasts a long time because the feeling stays with the person. Maybe the person you're walking had a dream or hallucination that associated you with something unpleasant. A break will do you both good. I hope it works, and if it doesn't, you gave it a try. If that's the case, maybe you can find a way to be helpful to the person in a way that does not require your physical presence.

@robertwills

This long .. so you can skip to last two paragraph is you want. 😁

My mom lived with one of my brothers .. he was single. (she passed in 2020) So he was her caregiver to begin with. Mama had dementia from strokes.

I called her just about daily. I am a patient of Mayo Jax. I had had 3 abdominal surgeries (2013, 2014 and 2015) there and the last one was open surgery. It was difficult for me to.. and still is .. to ride long distance and 35 miles one way was too much for me to do very often to see Mama.

A few months after I got my feeding tube removed in October of 2015 Mama started calling me every seven to ten days .. she was angry with me for stealing photographs from her albums. I had not looked at her albums in years. I never stole any. I did borrow one album to make copies of some of the photographs. I returned it in with all photographs.

We had Christmas Eve dinner at her house in 2015 and I (light bulb) understood what was happening. My brother had Mama’s medications on a metal tray .. about 12 bottles or so. He just set the tray in front of her at the table and she took a few medications. I tried to get him to listen to me and put her medications in pill boxes so he could give her her medications properly.

She would run out of her pain medicine and some others she would take when she thought about it. She went to the orthopedist who controlled her pain medication. Because she kept running out he prescribed a pain patch. Her family dr put her on a bp patch. Two medications my brother could handle.

In June 2018 the brother she lived with had to be hospitalized His gallbladder and part of his colon were gangrene. The surgeon said he died during surgery and they revived him. He had a small stroke during surgery. He had c-diff after the surgery and stayed in the hospital a few weeks and then to a nursing home for rehabilitation .

Mama and her mini-poodle came to live with me and my husband. During her time with us no angry accusations of me stealing photographs. My oldest brother helped this brother out during recovery and oldest brother had separated from his wife.

I had to go to Mayo ( a 5 1/2 hour drive one way) for test and a procedure in August and my (AS THE WORLD TURNS soap opera of family) said they could take care of her .. with my niece and her two teens moved in too.. When we got back from Mayo .. Mama said she wanted to stay at her home.

Yep, the angry accusations started sgain. We went to check on her a few days after we got back from Mayo. I had filled Mama’s pill boxes before we left for Mayo. Some pills not taken. They said they didn’t know how to load the pill boxes even though I showed them how and left a sheet there with a time chart. Oldest brother is attached to his phone and I told him he could do like me and set the alarm clock for pill reminders .. no, that is too hard. After Thanksgiving the niece and teens moved back to their home My oldest brother went back to his wife. So my sickly brother was left with Mama. A few days later he called me and said he can't take care of Mama.

Mama did well with us until my brother she lived with died in October 2019 .. my younger sister died in March of 2018. The loss of her children were hard on her. Strokes came more frequently. We hated to, but had to place her in a nursing home. My health was declining too.

I do have another brother.. he lives in Washington State .. not DC .. a long way from Georgia state .. not country. I think he is very wise. … Oh Ziggy still lives with us .. still looks for Mama. He is 14 years old now and in pretty good health.

The reason for the angry accusations about photographs seemed to be Mama not taking her medications properly. One of them was a medication for the dementia. I can't remember the name of it. .. um .. am I doomed to get dementia. ….. (a little organ music .. AS THE WORLD TURNS)

A reconciliation of medication might be needed. The patient's doctor needs to be notified to Make sure medication is being taken properly and making sure it is the correct dosage or maybe a different medication is needed.

ZeeGee

Very good! That's what I did and voila! Well, there was no anger towards me but after about a half an hour they told I should be "getting home now". So there's still something there. I am wondering, maybe I shouldn't, that they really feel, and always felt, something about me that they didn't like and it's only coming out now that they don't have a filter? That's so hard for me to say because it was always a loving relationship. This whole situation is overwhelming.