New to this- husband has stage IV terminal cancer

Welcome Jet1. Your situation doesn’t seem easy at all. I sure am glad you posted here. There are likely others around here who are also experiencing such a profound challenge. I’ll look forward to reading their input and about how you’re doing. Sending warm wishes of comfort with hopes it helps a little.

@jet1 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I know that you will find lots of hugs and support here. Can you describe one of the hardest things you are attempting/coping with right now? When you are ready, I encourage you to look through the cancer discussions. You will find some amazing tips and coping skills there.
Can you describe one of the hardest things that you are coping with right now so the members can tell you what has worked for them.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. My only comment would be to get hospice as early as possible. I volunteered at a hospice and in the training they mentioned that people tend to use it only for the last days. As a result of that training, I had my mother on hospice off and on for three years, and continuously for the last 8 months. Hospices provide a lot of support to the family: nurse, aide, chaplain, social worker, volunteer.

I know you and your spouse are nowhere near that point as yet so this suggestion is anticipatory.

I found an in-person support group to be really helpful even though I am not a "groupy" person. Perhaps the cancer center your husband is using has one. Seeing a therapist can also help.

One of the best pieces of advice I got as a caregiver (and again, you are hopefully not caregiving as yet) was to continue my tai chi and art classes as much as possible. They really helped with stress. (We had a terminal cancer patient in our art class, who came to class right up to the end.)

Hello @jet1, This is a great place to receive support. It has to be devastating to have cancer take over your lives at such a young age. I cannot imagine how difficult this has been for you and him. Coming to terms with your own mortality should not happen in the prime of life. The typical advice given is to take care of yourself, but finding time to do that is very hard. Hopefully you have a good support system with family and friends? I have to second the suggestion to bring hospice in sooner rather than later. I have heard more than one experience described as the best medical care received was once on hospice. I suppose in your husband's case this will have to come when his treatment finally stops. Don't let the given time frame stop you from living your life as much as you can. There are lots of stories about patients far exceeding their predicted survival time. I will recommend a couple of books by a former Mayo Clinic Palliative Care physician...... How Not to be My Patient and Farewell both by Dr Ed Creagan. I bought the first one for all my family members because I found it so helpful. Please use this resource as often as you need because people here understand and want to share their experience, suggestions and support to others like yourself.

A year and a half ago I copied this advice from survivors' stories:
DON'T GET LOST IN THE DEPRESSING STATISTICS AND STORIES. FIGHT FOR YOUR OWN ENDING.
Caring and hugs to you both....Carrie

I am truly sorry for what you must be going through. It's easy to get lost in the horror of it all. Best thing you can do is find some positivity and concentrate on that. Where there is life, there is hope. My uncle was given 6 months to live years ago. He lived for 25 years. My grandmother was given days to live in her late 80's. She pulled out of it and lived another 10 years. My neighbor down the street was given 6-9 months to live last year. They found a clinical trial for him and he's in remission now. I do not believe in statistics. I believe in the power of prayer, having the strength to push forward, and believing in hope. There is always hope. My husband was dying of liver failure last year. By the grace of God, he received a new liver and he's doing fine now. Different circumstances, but it was horrifying. I am sending you prayers and please keep us posted. Even if you just need to vent. I did it many times. That's what this site is for.

While we were in our 60s when we started this strange new way of living after my husband’s stage IV diagnosis and prognosis I’ve felt the same. Not sure what I’m looking for but sharing he’s at 30 months and we’ve prepared for what’s ahead while still enjoying as active a lifestyle as we can. My hope is that we can be an encouragement to others and that our Christian faith is reflected in all we do. It’s not a club any of us expected to join!

@jet1, just a quick note to let you know I'm thinking of you and your husband, especially as the holiday approaches. I hope you and your husband will spend the time together your way and create loving memories.