I'm at a loss, I can't find therapy. Is it me?

Psychology Today has a therapist finder online with a blurb written by the therapist, and, usually a photo. You can message directly from the site. It is good to interview people first and many will do a free 15 minute consultation to see if it is a good fit.

Hi, Chris (@smugzs).

I have a teen son diagnosed with adhd and his dad has adhd and believe undiagnosed ASD. I’m also a childhood trauma survivor and have ptsd. My experience of triangulation with therapists as a child and my mother is similar and I have been blamed by family to have been all of the problem. A very sick and twisted abuse/neglect cycle that has affected my entire life. I am female and 55.

You are not alone in having trust issues and finding good therapists. I agree with @windyshores that it would be good to have a list of questions you ask up front before committing. It is so frustrating to unpack your life experience with someone only to have to start all over again with a new therapist. There are some therapists who have ptsd, adhd and asd and may be better able to relate with patients who also have similar life experience.

Don’t give up advocating for yourself and getting the help and support you need.

1 https://chadd.org/about-adhd/professionals-who-diagnose-and-treat-adhd/ and https://chadd.org/professional-directory/

2 https://www.specialstrong.com/the-best-therapy-for-adhd-and-autism-a-comprehensive-guide/

@smugzs Chris, sometimes it can take a few tries to find the therapist you « click with ». From what you have described it’s not you. The therapists you’ve described did not practice their own professional boundaries.

Here is the link for Psychology Today that is mentioned by @windyshores

— https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists

I recommend that you do not go through online companies such as BetterHelp.com. I have read articles from peer-reviewed professional journals about betterhelp.com from both the point of view of the client and the therapist.

If you are comfortable with this, can you check in with your friends and ask if they have suggestions for a therapist? Or ask your primary care provider for a referral?

Chris, in order to avoid a Doctor saying they don't take your insurance, confirm in advance with the Doctor's office that they take your insurance.. It needs to be in-network, and they have a list.
I would not go by the commercials online to places like better help, etc.
Good luck.

i had a therapist who was driving her car doing therapy. then a client mentioned at group she canceled on her and i said she did that to me. so the next meeting she said she was canceling our session to discuss my comment and told me every one of her clients came in and told her i said she cancelled on me( i should have mentioned she gave me therapy while driving. ) i once asked a psych nurse how it was working there. she said “ you have to be careful of the people there, and im not talking about the patients. most of the people working there are working on their own problems”. my latest therapist is really nice but he said “see you in a few weeks it’s great talking to you!” i thought he was supposed to help me with therapy.

I’m so sorry to hear about your trouble finding the right therapist that can help, with your ASD and PTSD! I sure can relate! I have yet to find a therapist who has been able to help my grandson, who had ADD as a child, now as an adult, ASD and PTSD! It is truly frustrating! He refuses to take his prescribed medicine, and is argumentative and surly much of the time! Even though I majored in Psychology in college, I haven’t been able to help him get on the right path, to improve his situation where he finds himself, with no college degree, no job, very few friends, and many times, confrontational and angty with family members! He’s been to see at least 5 different mental health professionals, in the last 6 years, and none have worked out, to give him the help he needs! Stubborn attitude is prevalent, and a know-it-all demeanor seems to be getting in his way, so that he can improve! I’m at my wit’s end ( so to speak ). I understand the frustration, when one sees help is needed, but nothing seems to be working out!! Good luck!

Thank you for the honest and open response to my post. I appreciate the resources you've offered, and I am going to check them out

That's so troubling. Obviously I can relate, it's so tough. Thank you for sharing this

For your grandson, the stubbornness, the argumentive and surly persona, not taking meds, refusing help... That's normal, and it's not up to the parent or grandparent to decide, necessarily, what is best for them, or what they need. No job, no degree, no friends, no perceived future? Yes, as a caretaker that hurts to see, especially when you feel like you've invested so much into their life. However, and believe me when I tell you this, it's so much harder for him, it's so much more difficult and agonizing to look in the mirror, realize that you're not living up to the expectations that others have placed on you. Imagine a life where you grew up being different than everyone around you.. Being judged for missing milestones that were designed for people that were nothing like you. Being called out in a classroom full of peers for being "disruptive" and "challenging" when, in fact, the rules weren't designed for someone with a mind like yours. How can such a person find a place in a world that wasn't designed for them? I understand your heart is in wanting the best for them, but your heart is misguided because it's not about you, it's about them... Your frustrations are real and understandable, but your grandson and his happiness is what is important, how you feel about their performance, though understandable, is nothing more than a stumbling block to him...why should he have to perform in a certain way to relieve your anxieties? Thank you for sharing, I hope this wasn't too harsh, I'm just trying to be real.

It's not your fault—finding the right therapist can be difficult, especially when dealing with trauma, ADHD, ASD, and complex PTSD. Consider looking for a trauma-informed therapist with experience in these areas, and be clear about your needs when contacting them. Make sure to confirm insurance coverage upfront to avoid confusion. If local options aren't working, try online therapy platforms for more flexibility. Trust and compatibility are key, and it's okay to take your time in finding the right fit.