Assisted-living, memory care: How did you find a good facility?

One thing I will add is that me and my family always feared assisted living. It was an abhorrent thought, particularly because of news reports of the horrible conditions. BUT we were totally wrong, at least with all the facilities we visited. They are like vacation resorts! The residential places are like having your friends at your house over a long holiday with butler and maid service!

I can onlt tell you what I saw when I visited my Dad. I live in another state. I did tge clean test( smell, how the room is set up, ate with my Dad. The dining room was clean..but the food was bland) , I interacted with the staff to see if they were kind, considerate and knowlegable about what they do) Spoke with the RN in charge. I hope that helps.

We are fortunate to live in an area where many come to retire (Phoenix/Scottsdale). There are quite a few very nice retirement facilities that offer independent living, assisted living, and memory care. We had signed up to move into independent living a couple of years ago but backed out when I realized how difficult it would be for my husband to move.

I called that faculty's director of memory care to see if my husband could go into their memory care while I prepared to move into their independent living. She said they already had a waitlist for current residents, but she suggested three other faculties she had heard were good.

Since I'm my husband's sole caregiver, my daughter toured the three memory care faculties. Beforehand, we prepared a list of questions that were important to us. She thought I'd like one the best, so she stayed with my husband so I could tour it. We were looking for the cleanliness of the facility (no foul odors or that of disinfectant), the staff's appearance, and the residents. I met and spoke to the director, the caretakers, the physical therapist, and even the executive chef, who was very proud of his scratch kitchen.
I was very impressed with everything and still am.

Since retirement, I have been volunteering at a continuing care facility near me and it's given me great insight. I visit residents, help out at activities, escort residents to the chapel service, etc. Being a Christian facility is important to me and this place lives out its mission. From what I've seen and experienced, I would recommend it to others and I could see myself living there at some point. My point is that volunteering (even 1 hour per week or month) is a wonderful way to see first hand how things operate, what the staff is like and to hear from residents how they like being there.

centre says it well.
After a stroke that left her not able to follow a daily routine, we placed my wife's mom in a new, very pretty living facility: long halls, a fancy dining room, large private rooms... She was lonely and unhappy.
But it gave us time to talk with friends and acquaintances, several of whom recommended a not-no-new mid range cost facility where they said their parents were very happy.
The smaller hallways, simple dining room, smaller social spaces brought Mom into contact with her neighbors. She enjoyed having a roommate to worry about. The residents made sure everyone knew the rules and schedule. "Hurry, it's 3pm, time for ice cream in the back parlor!"

My concerns over my cousin having a roommate in Memory Care were unfounded. Initially, she adored her first roommate and they were best buds. My cousin was convinced her roommate was actually an old friend she knew in the 90s and her roommate thought that my cousin was her child. She looked out for her and told her when to go to meals and snacks. Later, after that roommate passed away, she got another roommate, but she rarely spent time in her room anymore, so had little interaction with her. There was little time actually spent in the room….just sleeping and getting changed.

@trishaanderson I also live in the Phoenix area.

I need to find a place that will accept the state’s Medicaid program when my money is gone. Most, if not all the places that are “perfect” don’t.
So, I can live in a nice place until my money runs out, then move to a less desirable one.

Suggest plan to budget to have at least 3-6 months private pay for a move to an AL that doesn’t accept Medicaid. When you go to tour, they will ask in a round-about way if you will be coming in private pay. You can honestly answer “yes”, they may say something like, “We do ask for at least 6 months….”- all legal to say but not to require. You nod and be noncommittal.
If you go in private pay, you’ll be quietly jumped ahead on the waiting list of those coming in Medicaid (this will be denied, but it’s true), you may be offered a “better” room or have more of a choice of rooms/roommates. Something else to consider- if you are an honorably discharged Veteran or the spouse of that Veteran, the VA homes have their own method of determining eligibility and possible co-pay (NOT Medicaid), provide very good care, and don’t toss you out when the money is gone. Check out the VA website. My closest one is an hour away from where I live, but I’m planning on it when I need it. You may be eligible for VA home services too.
I would also suggest making an appointment with your county Office on Aging (may be called Area Agency on Aging)- they’ll have lots of good information about AL choices and often have a VA rep on site to provide info as to what might be available if you are a vet or spouse of a vet. Information is Power !!

@centre thank you. I have no connection to the VA.
I will be able to self pay for several years once I sell everything I own.
This is a difficult decision!

I’m no expert, but if you ask Memory Care or Assisted Living facilities if they accept Medicaid for long term care, they probably say no, because true Medicaid long term care financial assistance only covers nursing home care.

Memory Care is most often located in Assisted Living facilities. That’s why it’s a big plus if your state has a needs benefit program that covers Assisted Living and Memory Care. (There may be Memory Care units in some nursing homes, but they still require the resident to need skilled nursing care per a doctor’s order.) You might talk with the financial person at an Assisted Living or Memory Care unit and ask about this. They should be able to properly direct you.