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Letting go: I can’t seem to do it

Posted by mgrubbs221 @mgrubbs221, 6 days ago

24 years ago I was divorced. The only place I could get a job In my circumstances was overseas and so I went for a year. At the end of the year, I found that I could not return to the states for several different reasons. So the stay continued for an unbelievable 15 years. I saw my daughter who I loved very deeply about one to 2 months a year during this time. And of course in those years once she had puberty, she started to not be able to deal with the separation and pulled away. I’ve been estranged from her for about 15 years now having seen her only a handful of hours during that time in the last nine years I have been back in the states and have tried my best to reach out and some kind of reconciliation, but she is as of yet unwilling. I know that she hurts very deeply and is quite angry I’m willing to admit all kinds of mistakes but she does not want to hear.
This has been a great loss for me. I grieve over it every day. I have been in therapy for the last eight years. I also take medication, but yet I cannot let go of her And the grief is very much like losing a child. I think I don’t know for sure.
The grief of this loss and many other losses in my life of great consequence has been with me for decades, and particularly in the last nine years I have been feeling intense grief Over the losses of the last 50.
Is there some treatment for grief of this kind? I’m aware of grief share and other grief groups, but they seem only to deal with grief due to physical loss of a loved one or a close friend.
So looking for ideas of how I might find a group or such kind of things other than books that would be of a community sort of help for a group sort of help. Thanks for whatever insights you can give me.

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Judyinjeans. | @judyingenes | 5 days ago

Hello,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Life isn't always following the outline that WE want it to. I'm hearing a lot of sadness for what might have been... but you had to.... BUT you tried VERY hard to come back to your daughter...BUT there were things that made it so you couldn't...BUT you did return after many years...BUT she wouldn't make things ok... You are using quit a few actual "buts" in your post too.
These "buts" are like saying something got in the way: I couldn't HELP it! It WAS not me!! I was NOT the one responsible for what happened!!! Give me a BREAK OK ???
You know what happened. Don't blame yourself...because that's what I am hearing a little coming through. And forgive yourself for not being able to...what? Rescue yourself? I'm sorry if that was too personal.
HUGS!!

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1 reply
mgrubbs221 | @mgrubbs221 | 5 days ago
In reply to @judyingenes "Hello, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Life isn't always following the..." + (show)
@judyingenes

Hello,
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Life isn't always following the outline that WE want it to. I'm hearing a lot of sadness for what might have been... but you had to.... BUT you tried VERY hard to come back to your daughter...BUT there were things that made it so you couldn't...BUT you did return after many years...BUT she wouldn't make things ok... You are using quit a few actual "buts" in your post too.
These "buts" are like saying something got in the way: I couldn't HELP it! It WAS not me!! I was NOT the one responsible for what happened!!! Give me a BREAK OK ???
You know what happened. Don't blame yourself...because that's what I am hearing a little coming through. And forgive yourself for not being able to...what? Rescue yourself? I'm sorry if that was too personal.
HUGS!!

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Thanks for your encouragement. Have a good Thanksgiving. I will be thankful that I have a daughter. I’m thankful for the hope that Jesus gives me.

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sisyphus | @sisyphus | 3 days ago

There is a life that you wish you could have with a daughter that would understand why you had to be separated from her -- and there is a life that you are given to live without your daughter even when you are physical close to her.
Life throws on us all sorts of trials.
But your daughter is still relatively young to fully understand your side of the story, as I see it, though some don't 'grow up.
I see you are already suffering from this loss that you had to consult a therapist and are already on drugs to get thru it. This is a serious stage that your loss has brought to you.
YOU certainly don't deserve it ... far from it.
You did Everything Right.

What You need more Self-Care. It's not selfish act. Each new day that arrives at your bedside wants to be lived as fully as we can. This is how I tell myself in my life of over eight decades, aware that we Only control Our lives, not our children's or friends, or neighbors.
I am glad you found comfort in religion.
I hope you will find more joy in your life -- and one day be free of the drugs.
I wish you the best.

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