Caregiver burnout

I love your complete honesty, it’s not easy .. greatest gift of love you can give even tho at times you feel drain and everything you are experiencing that are so difficult .. my husband died of A.L.S. he was a hero, 2nd husband died kidney disease and 5 months ago my beautiful, full of life daughter was dying of kidney failure until she walked thru Mayos doors and received a pancreas and kidney transplant and has the hope of new life again .. the journeys are long .. you get totally worn out .. but in looking back no matter how hard it’s been, should you loose them it’s the greatest gift of love you can give and you will have no regrets .. you have to renew .. for me it was my faith I couldn’t do it alone, music, walking which I am older now so I have a walker, you cry, you take time for you whatever works for you, that you have to figure out .. don’t be so hard on yourself .. your only human. I wish you strength, finding what renews you .. you have such great courage and often the caregiver doesn’t even realize it .. you’re doing a great job and I will pray for you. God’s many blessings to you and your family.

I have been helping my father with his stage 4 cancer for 2 years now. The doctors are surprised that he is still driving, using only a cane, and working outside with advanced metastatic prostate cancer. They say they have never seen scans like his and are amazed he is alive. Now he my sisters have come in and the will is magically changing with his memory , confusion, and brain fog issues very apparent. Along with moving out of state per his wishes.Expecting me to hand over and hold their hand through everything while also pointing out how it's not enough. It's been just myself no support and no access to help since day 1. I figured it all out alone while managing a divorce, school bullies, counseling services, researching, court, and personal medical issues, along with a child on the spectrum, and another with speech. During all this the previous fights got physical and broke my faith in my support system. My uncle passed away and I was helping him and caregiving for him as well. My friends passed away and moved during this time as well.
I'm so angry, resentful, hurt, sad, regretful, guilty, tired, exhausted, beyond burnt out, jealous, and defeated. I stopped knowing what hope is, I cry when I feel a smile, and breakdown when I laugh. There's so much I want to say, scream, shout and yell, but mostly I just want to be heard, comforted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, helped. Nothing major but not added stress.

Why is it so hard to understand that I just want them to send a link to a helpful app, support groups, or supplements I pay for out of my pocket, or medical equipment. Even a card to say hey.
I may not be doing anything right. I may not be doing enough. But I know I've sacrificed everything I have for my father and his health. I know I wake up everyday and I give it my best and more, but after 2 years it's not even close to what it used to be. I'm just thankful I can still get up everyday. How can they see what they are doing is not OK? I know they are just doing what they think is best but they haven't been in the trenches.

@nikieva I am so sorry this is happening to you. But I am glad that you felt safe enough to rant in this discussion group! I’m sure that many of the other members will respond and wish they had ranted. You did your best and should have no remorse. I’d love to give you a big hug right now but that’s kind of difficult. So, please stay with the group and they will also send hugs

I hear your heart and your pain. I am so very sorry you are hurting. I can't imagine what you have been through. I respect how you greet each day and do what is needed. I hope that you get the support you need and thst you find a way to take a few moments for yourself, just even to sit out and soak in the sun, or take a walk, do something you enjoy. Praying today is easier.

Burn Out ! Been there many a time, This passed Friday I even called a lawyer, total crashed that morning after my wife started screaming, throwing things and totally trying to push all my buttons.
History on my wife, she is 66 been married 25 years, she has two girls, I have a son and two girls too. All married and total of 9 grand-kids. In 2017 we lost a lot of family members and pulled her down. On December 25, 2018 after auguring during the day she ended up shooting herself in the head. She had said earlier in the day she wanted to die on Christ's Birthday since he took her mom on her birthday.
Being a Fire Captain for 31 yers I dealt with many EMS shooting calls. She was DEAD ! As I kissed her good-by God said to push on her chest and on the second compression she started to breath.
I thanked God above and said I'll take her in what ever shape. Three 1/2 months in the hospital I brought a woman paralized on the left side confined to a wheel chair with 98% of her sharp mind still there.
She is pain always, she struggles with everything she try to do. Did I tell you that it's all my fault, she'll say I should have left her daed.
My history, 70 year old retired Fire Captain, scuba diver and all that fun stuff. I have PTSD, injured from a 20ft. fall into a basement and still breaking in two new knees 1-year. Total back issues and loosing my mind from a chemical exposure and still question my action on Christmas Night. Should I just have kissed her and left the room.
I pray a lot, just quick chats and the biggest help came in a dream and was told to ( BE PATIENTS)

Good Luck

@lonelyfirefighter Wow! You’ve certainly been through the wringer (I know it looks as if I don’t know to spell ) Have you looked into senior day care or home health aides? YOU really need a break! Have you talked with her PCP about the changes?
Let’s get some other members to answer.

Wow! I cannot imagine going through this! If you are able to get aides to help you, I feel you could take care of yourself. You did not cause her to do this! She willfully did it. I am sure you feel responsible. It also sounds like you are needing to speak to someone to deal with burnout and most likely because of what you shared. Please know I am sending you hugs and kudos for doing this journey.

We looked at senior day care or outside help, my wife has 98% of her mind and still have her will to do things on her own. She is strong minded and hates to ask for help. On her good days she is still my loving wife and that keeps me going. I tracked the outbreak times and in the last 2 years we have had 23 times she went off. Sometime a few days to weeks.
This last incident she had broken a tooth crown. She is always in pain and did not relize she had septic infection already. We got her on medication and things are back to normal with my loving wife. Now we enjoy life and I always try to be aware of the next thing that may set her off. And a lot of talking to God!