How long for the dread/guilt/total disbelief to dull a tiny bit?

I lost my husband in 19th June this year, he was only 59. He had aggressive cancer diagnosed in December 2022 and I was looking after him. It was such a magical time, just the 2 of us. I didn’t ever accept he was going to die and firmly thought he’d make Christmas this year. He had a bleed suddenly and I didn’t get to say all the things I wanted too. I imagined us lying close together and me holding him and kissing him as he floated away. I’m so sorry and sad I didn’t say the things I wanted I can hardly life with myself .