I survived suicide attempts

Posted by Jim, Volunteer Mentor @jimhd, Oct 6, 2016

I haven't attempted lately, though the idea lingers. I've taken overdoses a number of times, and spent time in a nice facility twice. At this point, I mostly don't want to end my life, primarily because of concern for my wife. Sometimes, when I'm in a lot of physical and emotional pain, I wish I had died.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health Support Group.

overwhelmed | @overwhelmed | Mar 1, 2017

Hey Jim, Yes I am still up, though acting drunk because I am so tired. I have some of the latest information regarding SCS surgery for you :
http://www.neurologyadvisor.com/interventional-pain-management/outcomes-in-patients-with-chronic-pain-may-be-improved-with-early-spinal-cord-stimulation/article/634701/
As far as being at peace with the transition. I am not religious Jim, though I respect those who are and I do understand what you mean. No further explanation is necessary. My only worry is if I do not end up dying and end up like a vegetable or with serious cognitive impairment. I have a DNR however, I am never sure if it will be respected. Out of misery is better than living like this. eh?

I am so glad that your surgery is going forward for you Jim. I will be your biggest cheerleader!!!!

johnjames | @johnjames | Apr 3, 2017

In reply to @colleenyoung "Thank you Jim for starting this frank and honest discussion about suicidal thoughts. I'm inviting @overwhelmed..." + (show)

Jim, if you need to talk and if I can be an encourage to you- please call me, I believe we all need a life-line that is actually there when things gets really rough.

Justin McClanahan, Moderator | @JustinMcClanahan | Apr 5, 2017

In reply to @colleenyoung "Thank you Jim for starting this frank and honest discussion about suicidal thoughts. I'm inviting @overwhelmed..." + (show)

Hello JohnJames. I removed your personal contact information from the view of the public. We do this to protect members from unwanted phone calls and emails from unwanted sources. However, we do encourage members who want to exchange personal contact information to do so using the personal message feature.

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Jul 27, 2017

Hi all,
I'm just catching up on this discussion thread, and was touched by how frankly and honestly you share your experiences with depression and thoughts of suicide, and also how you've lifted each other up in times when things felt really dark. It's been a while since anyone has posted. So I thought I'd check in. @jimhd @johnjames @overwhelmed @safetyshield @tomgrinley @elizabethbryant @kimsworld @iman_im : how are you doing? How has your summer been so far?

TomGrinley | @tomgrinley | Jul 27, 2017

In reply to @lisalucier "Hi all, I'm just catching up on this discussion thread, and was touched by how frankly..." + (show)

How thoughtful of you to ask. I have been in a pretty good place. My psych nurse successfully fought my insurance company to have my meds put back to the level

that had previously worked for me (they arbitrarily decided my does was too high) and I am still sticking with therapy (not something I have always done in the past). Summer is my least favorite season but it has gone well so far. I hope everyone else is doing

just as well.

Jim, Volunteer Mentor | @jimhd | Jul 27, 2017

In reply to @lisalucier "Hi all, I'm just catching up on this discussion thread, and was touched by how frankly..." + (show)

@lisalucier

I'm doing ok. The spinal cord stimulator implant has significantly reduced the pain in my feet.

I'm pretty active in other groups. I think that if you follow me, you can see what I've been writing in Chronic Pain, peripheral neuropathy and mental health.

Jim

Parus | @parus | Jul 30, 2017

My father committed suicide when I was 24. Everyone was shocked and I was not. He was always smiling, joking, helping others...no one knew the pain and abuse he endured for a little over 25 years. I miss him still. Being the survivor of a suicide of my father is something I have never fully recovered from and know I never will. I entertain the thought myself and think of my adult children and would not want to leave them w/ this type of legacy. I do not want to continue the cycle even though I am in a lot of physical/emotional pain. I miss being active, I miss being an integral part of something.

Parus | @parus | Jul 30, 2017

@jimhd Thanks for your honesty. Yes, retirement is difficult. I, too, have been hurt by the lack of caring from those I helped so many times...they were not friends. Hope your Sunday was a good one and you finished your chores. Almost my bedtime...Peace and Blessings for all you do and continue to do. We all have value even when we cannot see it.

liz223 | @liz223 | Jul 31, 2017

My grandfather killed my grandmother and then himself. My mother definitely never got over it. She and her two sisters were very young at the time. It is sad when someone is in this kind of pain and can see no way out. They can't be thinking rationally or surely they would never do this to someone they loved. I have been very low at times, but never entertained the idea of ending my life. I always had hope, which I am thankful for.

Lisa Lucier, Moderator | @lisalucier | Jul 31, 2017

In reply to @lisalucier "Hi all, I'm just catching up on this discussion thread, and was touched by how frankly..." + (show)

Welcome back @tomgrinley. Thanks for answering my shout out to you and the others in this thread.

I was re-reading the previous discussion you had with @johnjames, @safetyshield and @jimhd: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/47524/bookmark/?ajax_hook=action&_wpnonce=99ec06a983. You were talking about some pretty black depressive cycles you'd been through and that you felt people could gain some or partial control of their mood swings.

You mentioned you are continuing with therapy currently. How is it going for you?