I haven't said anything for awhile. I've been fighting depression the past few weeks, and along with it, thoughts of suicide. It takes so much effort just to get out of bed and after breakfast, more effort to get out of the recliner. Once I manage to start doing something, it feels good. Some days are more productive than others. I've been at the place where the "my family would be better off without me" pattern of thought sometimes makes perfect sense. I know that what seems rational when I feel like this, is actually irrational. It's midnight, and I need to sleep. I just felt a need to tell someone what's going on in my head right now.