Thank you for your wisdom and good advice- which I believe is the right advice from my years of marriage counseling- however he tells me if he presents that as a short term solution- she will say then don't come back, he also said- she said to him last week when he was going through a hard recovery from coughing( from serious pneumonia -which is his forth time in a few months) and felt rejected and right down stupid- and he could not tell me why.) He seems to be lost and no one comes around but me- and he says all his true friends side with his wife- which makes matters worse.I didn't want to get into that conversation with him about who is right or wrong. it looks like and sounds like he needs to be with a family member who cares and to let her go at this point. Your thoughts? JJAMES

Yes, we cannot control; people- even if we lock them up- they still have the mental state of freedom in their minds...... and learn from that if they will let us in. JJAMES

If people can keep depression on a level of control; to some degree- it could be maintained for a while, but if depression ( Unchecked) can turn into despair- despair from my experience in like living in a dark hole or a place no one can see in or out, this can and does become dangerous and one can become obsesses with such negative feelings that ( Psychache) may began to hurt inside the mind and anguish can cause psychological pain- which that's where I feel I am at this point of depression, it never ends and to say when it begins doesn't fit into the factor- because it never ends- makes sense I pray. JJAMES

John, I think he's married to a master manipulator, and uses words and threats to control others. It sounds like he's let her get away with it for a while. I'm sure he doesn't feel up to it, but maybe if she sees that he follows through on what he says about separation, she might change her tune. I think that before he goes back to her, she should be receiving counseling and in a support group. He needs counseling, too.

I was in the dark hole of despair for what seemed like a long time. I couldn't see a light at the top, and felt totally hopeless. It took a long time to climb out, and then I spent some time sitting on the edge of the hole. It was probably 2 years before I got out, and another 5 or 6 years before I was really safe. I guess I'm not being much of an encouragement, am I. I'm just really tired from a long day. This afternoon, I directed the first Christmas choir rehearsal. It's been a long time since I directed. When I'm tired, I become depressed, even though the day was good. I know that many people believe that we can just get over it, but it ain't necessarily so. It's not a matter of will or effort when the brain doesn't function normally.

I understand that I can't control what people think of me or say about me - actually, I can to some extent control what people think of me. I can't control delusional liars, though. I doubt that they ever gave a thought to the damage they did to me.

I hope you can help your friend. He surely needs your support right now.

I believe if we run our thoughts and actions before God, He will make our motives clear, and if that is the case and I hope to present the truth- even with my faults- motives will win- no matter what people think or say. We can't very often please people-no mater what we do- but we can please God just by thinking the truth and push out of our minds the displeasing words and actions.JJAMES

Any action that he takes has to come from himself. In counseling the best action is the one that the person in need comes up with . With the support and guidance of either a friend, family member or counselor. In my experience when you give an opinion or advice to someone. The consequences can be displaced on you that could be bad. So I try not to give my opinion without lastly letting the person know that his actions are his own. It is so easy to give advice but the consequences could be terrible and out of one's control.If as we do in this forum give advice or recommendation it is best to let the person know it is just an opinion and in know way telling anyone to do what is adviced or given. You are may be right that he should leave those people that are giving negative feelings but becareful of the consequences to all parties concern. Just my opinion

johnjames if people could keep depression and other mood disorders in check than they would not need medication or counseling. I am not trying to be a wise guy. But that is simply the way things are. People go through mood swings all the time and can get themselves in to a better place without medication. It is when someone can not control their mood swings than it is time to look into medical help. So to not to get worse and hurt themselves, others or property

I like how you own what you say

Just my take on the information I've been given. When I was at the place where I was, at the bottom of the hole, I needed help, and my wife needed help, as well. I needed to be in a safe place where people understood what was going on. I needed not to be in the place where I was kicked when I was down. I don't think I would have survived staying where I was, and I'm grateful to my doctor and my wife and my supervisor, that they gave me a push to leave the toxic environment, and begin the process of healing.

Ultimately, it had to be my decision, though the doctor could have and would have required me to be placed in a safe setting. When we give our thoughts to others in dire circumstances, it has to be their own decision to act on any advice or opinions they've heard. The exception, of course, is when a person isn't able to make a rational decision. Then, the law requires that certain people must report any abuse or any danger of a person hurting themselves or others. I don't know if a moderator of this site has a legal obligation to take any action, or if they are liable if something happens that they were aware of and didn't report. Because I'm an ordained minister, and if I'm counseling someone in my office, I fall under the category of mandatory reporter. But I wouldn't think that an online support group would be in that category. If they were, we'd all be afraid to be open and honest with the truth about what we're facing. Just my own thoughts. I'm here because I need help and support, certainly not to be a counselor.

When I admitted myself to the safe facility, I asked the staff not to reveal my vocation, and it was great to be just part of a group of suicide attempt survivors. That was great until a group session leader asked me what my profession was, and wouldn't let it go until I answered her. That immediately changed the dynamics of my place in the group, and all of the sudden, I was seen by some as a person who would listen to their personal problems. I know that slowed the process of recovery for me.

Sorry for going on about my problems. Y'all don't need to know all of my garbage. But thanks for letting me be here. Dealing with suicidal thoughts is such an intense struggle, as many of you know.

@safetyshield, I guess that some people can get control of their mood swings. Actually, I should say that I know that people do so. Mood swings are in a very different category than major depression, also called chronic or clinical depression. A person who suffers from major depression, for the most part, can't get control just by thinking or willing or determination. They (we) need the help of therapy and/or medication. The most successful is a combination of the two. I only wish that it were as easy as willing it away or as easy as positive thinking, or praying it away. If it were, I wouldn't still be taking Bupropion, and though I take Clonazepam and Cymbalta for other reasons, they would be expected to have a positive effect on depression. My pcp recommended at my last appointment that I find a therapist again, and soon. I haven't yet done so, mainly because there are none who take Medicare.

When I started taking Celexa, long ago, I had told my doctor that I recognized that my symptoms could indicate depression, but I wanted to rule out other organic problems. Along the way, I found that I had sleep apnea, a gallbladder that wasn't working, and needed nasal surgery. I felt so much better after dealing with those things, for awhile, but then it became clear that I was dealing with depression, as well. This was something not as easily treatable as a non-functioning gallbladder. I hope some day to be in a better place than I am now.