I'm near the end of my rope: How do you deal?

Between things that happened, bad childhood with a sadist father and a mother who was always just on the couch and never there for me. Often at 3 and 4 left at home alone Most interaction with my father was him beating my bare ass with a belt. As I grew my parents got a little better but still most interactions were about discipline. My mom started to take and interest occasionally but still in her ow world . Mt dad cheated on my mother with a lot of people including under age girls. I didn't know about all of that at the time. I got married and we had a bay girl ant at 3 weeks of her age her mom took off leaving me and the baby and I was 23 and just a year prior I was a party monster. I drank a fair amount in bars, never at home, I did a lot of cocaine huge amounts of acid and mushrooms and a lot of Extasy when it first came out on early 80's and was pure. I met my future wife and stopped doing drugs and we got married and had a kid. My party days were over but still fresh in my head. I moved n with my father near my hometown he was on his second wife at the time and he was a paster. One day there was a 13 year old girl and her family talking to my dad and I was hit with a disgusting wave that my dad was attracted to her physically. A few months later the girl made a complaint on my dad. I was never sure what exactly the complaint was except it was a sexual abuse one. The church likes to hide that stuff and moved my father a few hundred miles away. His second wife covered for him with an alibi but then left him right away. I got my own home and my younger brother was in Kansas and wanted to come back east and I invited him to live with me, he and his wife. They baby sat for me while I worked and I cut off communication my father, after that. My family thought we were estranged because he beat me when I was young but the reason is I saw him as a deviant and was a pastor. One night when I came home from work I heard my daughter crying, she was 3 I go into her room to see my naked brother on top of her. He just got up and walked away. I was standing there in shock and he just walked past me like he didn't see me. I then grabbed my daughter and took her to my bed. I found another place to live and moved out. The signs were there that my brother was raping her on a regular basis. She never wet the bed after 2 years old and she had just started almost nightly and always wanted to sleep in my bed with me. When we moved she never wet the bed again and slept through the night. The change was immediate. My brother was later arrested for various crimes all alcohol related and even a felon. He beat the felony or got it reduced because my grandmother got him a good lawyer. He was brandishing a shot gun at a cop. 33 years later I heard my father was in bad shape and dying. He had congested heart failure and it was getting worse and he caught COVID. So I went from Colorado to FL to seem him. He didn't recognize me and what was funny was hearing him tell stories about me like I wasn't there. he was a pitiful mess and on his 4th wife by then. Of all his wives I met she was the best. I don't know if he was ever lucid enough to know if was me there and really don't give a fuck. There was no funeral when he died a month after I saw him. I received nothing from his estate but a little bible he carried around. I felt absolutely nothing when he died. I didn't cry I didn't dwell but I did use it as an excuse to miss some work and laughed about that .I had surgery as a kid and have a very bad back, during the surgery I received tainted blood, tainted with Hepatitis C, later in life several other DX an d the virus never responded to treatment. Today I have severe chronic pain, muscle nerve joint and bone. Spinal injections and Lyrica help take the edge off the nerve pan. My depression deepened and I was literally screaming in pain every night. I am isolated in a very rural area family angry because I exposed my pervert publicly on social media. I'm about ready to off myself.