Siblings don’t seem to care

My most sincerely condolences to you, @alzdaughter !

I have come to realize that lots of families (maybe a majority of families) find themselves in a similar situation as the one you were in with your mother.

For the past ten years and a half, my husband and I have been caring for my mother-in-law, who's Alzheimer was very mild and progressing very slowly at first, until a fall in August 2022 seemed to provoke an accelerated deterioration. We sacrificed our garage and part of our garden to build her an appartment, and it has changed the look of our house, which has affected its market value.
My husband has 1 sister and 4 brothers (the eldest died of a heart attack at the end of June this year). His sister lives 500 miles from us, but she calls her mom every day and tries to visit at least every three to four months. The brothers live near, but are very absent. The 2 eldest haven't visited nor called in years; the eldest died without having spoken to his mother in the past 6 years at least. We celebrated her 90th birthday at a restaurant this year. They were invited. They did not even answer the invitation. The 2 youngest have been more or less present this year, because I had to have a complicated surgery with a two-week hospitalization and bed rest for a month afterwards, and my sister-in-law forced them to be a little bit present. They alternate to bring her lunch on most Sundays, if reminded. They serve her her lunch and sit in an armchair watching their phone while she eats; they don't converse with her. I know conversations with my MIL do not make sense most of the time, but she likes to be treated like a regular person.

At first, I was very upset that my husband's borthers didn't help and had forgotten their mother. Now, I really don't care anymore. It's a matter between them and their conscience.

I hope you are at peace now, knowing you gave your all to care for your mother. Big hug.

Thank you and thank you for showing loving kindness by caring for your mother in law. It helps my heart to know that in spite of the meanness and cruelty we hear about daily, kindness exists. I know what you’re going through isn’t easy but it’s definitely important, needed and worth it

Hey, some people are like your siblings. My brother acted exactly like yours when both Mom and Dad were declining until they passed. He is only 15 months older than I am. I am a retired Physician but was working throughout all this and took it all upon myself. He did nothing except some financial matters for them. Mom and Dad would ask about my brother, I would say I dont know or I'd text him and have him call them which he did and of course they'd be so happy. It actually made me happy as well. He never saw either of them prior to them passing, he will live with this forever if he even cares. I have cut him out of my life. I have prayed about it many timers and I'm done. I am sure you have talked with your siblings about this but I pray actually that it will help. I know how hard it is.