I feel like start running and not look back!

@celia16 The biggest difference for him is he inability to recognize everyday objects. Not all of them but a lot of them and not ALL time. And he has a hard time reading.

Current Issue of Brain & Life (Will Shortz on cover) has a terrific article about being a caregiver. B&L is a free printed magazine or you can read online digital copy....

Just thought you might find interesting New York Times article on Oct 23, 2024.......When Dementia Changes a Loved One’s Personality.......I believe you can get 10 articles a month even if you're not a subscriber....

Home health aid started last week for my dad and it was very challenging. My dad was incredibly resistant and we had to exert extraordinary measures to make it work. Man, it’s a shame to work so hard to help someone and they resist the help. It’s 2 days a week for now. Hopefully it’ll increase soon, despite his protests.

mariana739,
Hi, my heart hurts for you. Is there any friends or family who can help him look at his projects and create a plan? Maybe he will be accountable to them? I know somedays he will be stubborn but perhaps at times it will help you.
I too experience many same issues. My husband asks for my opinion but rarely takes it. I told my friend its like being verbally badgered until he gets the answer he seeks. Very exhausting. Im learning to let go of an organized home, or home improvements.
I think the one characteristic that hurts the most is how he truly believes I'm at fault for an argument when im not. I do have too many days when im grumpy and that’s on me. But when he is irritable and his memory can’t see the situation correctly i feel so helpless. All i can do is get out of the house. He thinks I'm his personal assistant and at his beck-n-call every minute if the day, even when he’s being a jerk.
I tell myself he can’t remember conversations but it’s still very lonely and frustrating.

Indeed, trying to manage the behavior of someone with cognitive deficits is exhausting. It’s like herding cats. Direct and constant supervision seems to work somewhat, but is still contentious. It’s so mentally draining.

I’m looking at facilities next week for my dad, which is not ideal, due to holidays, but the only time I’ll be available due to work. Caregiving, plus my business is taking up so much time. It’s overwhelming. Because my dad is so resistant to home health care, I have to be there to supervise and support my mom. My dad normally listens to her, but not on this. She is majorly stressed over it. When I can’t be there must get a friend or family member to be there…..a major disruption due to resistance to care. Just not sustainable.

rubyredkate, I could have written this posting in reply to mariana. It is amazing that the same characteristics appear in people with dementia, Alzeimers. My husband does the same things...I'm at fault for "taking away the things he used to do (finances, etc)" ...he spends a lot of time with a Rubik's cube which actually isn't so bad! It's been months and of course he can't solve it. And I'm definitely a personal assistant, finding his phone, glasses, coffee. And we know it's not their fault but so impossible not to get grumpy, for me anyway. Carrie

Save yourself..save your mother. AlZ will take the whole ship down like a tidal wave. My husband is now at a Memory Care facility very close by. It has been two months now and what I have found is myself again. My blood pressure which was soaring is now manageable. I am enjoying life again; having my granddaughters for overnights, just enjoying the freedom from constantly waiting for the shoe to drop. Your dad will not get easier; he is on a slippery slope with occasionally bursts of lucidity. There is also an element of aggression that comes from frustration. I had a lot of guilt at first because of our separate circumstances; I have a home with a view, and he is in a facility with a room. That is heart wrenching given our lifetime of hard work preparing for a comfortable old age. Unfortunately, my husband drew the ALZ card, and he and our family have to play the card that is dealt to us in the best way we can. I reached out to others who have walked this walk. One woman told me that putting her husband in a facility was harder than when he finally died. I believe it. We can do hard things. You and your mom matter too.

Thank you for the kind words. I’m glad you are getting back to spending time with your family. It sounds as if your husband is in a lovely facility.

I recall feeling quite relieved when I placed my cousin in Memory Care. I assume it’s more difficult to do with a spouse, as my mom is very torn and hesitant to place my dad. I’m not. I believe in preserving the life of the family members, as the person with dementia will not remember the sacrifice. Placement without his consent will be challenging though. While extremely affected in some ways, he’s sharp in others. Probably a tough task ahead.

That's exactly what makes me loose sleep. My husband has always been very stubborn and proud of his independence, if he lives long enough for the dementia to advance I'm sure he'd still refuse to move anywhere.
Everybody tells me the way to make it easier is to take advantage from a hospital or ER stay and instead of bringing him home have him transfer to the care home. But how do you do that if you usually have to put the person's name on a waiting list in advance ?